“You’re Gay, Right? I Just Figured Because You Dance”

Recently I’ve encountered the exact same conversation over and over again when meeting new people.

NEW FRIEND: “You’re gay, right?”
ME: “Yes I am, why?”
NEW FRIEND: “I just figured, because you dance.”

I’ve come to wonder why people automatically assume that because I dance I must be gay. Why jump to that conclusion? I’ve been dancing since I was 9, but even before that I did karate as well as hockey and baseball. Why does dancing become a dead giveaway as opposed to the other sports in people’s minds? Is it cuz I’m surrounded by half naked woman as opposed to men a majority of the time? It seems much more homoerotic to be surrounded by hot, sweaty, grunting men…don’t you think? I’m confused as to what the contributing factor to the label on dance and male sexuality is. I’m not offended by the statement, just curious as to why it is that DANCE got the gay wrap.

Here’s an additional story that happened just this past week that I think ties in nicely.

A straight buddy of mine (who I’ve known since high school) asked me the other day if he’s a homophobe if he doesn’t have any hate in his heart against gays except for the REALLY FLAMEY ONES. In which I had to respond with:


Where he got defensive and said:

“Well Jord, I love you man…but you’re masculine and I respect that.”

I had to rebuttal with:

“but what’s masculinity to you?”

The quick response coming from him being:

“You know…working out, playing sports, not using like, omg and fabulous every 2nd word, no lisp, not wearing outrageous get-ups…etc.”

Which brings up an interesting topic: masculinity. Can it really be pin pointed? Is it the same in everybody’s eyes? To me masculinity is a man who doesn’t take himself too seriously, but does carry himself with a level of integrity and pride. A man who doesn’t have to seek approval from others on how to be, he just is who he is…whether that be in bulging hulk like roid-monkey or scrawny book worm form.

Submitted By: Jordan G.

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  • Wade Hopwo

    Hey Jord 🙂 Pick up and read the book “Dude You’re A Fag” by Pascoe. All of your answers will be in there, trust me!

  • Wade Hopwo

    Also, I would suggest you read the appendix first 😛 Really helps you understand the author and where she is coming from. I read the appendix last and it was one of those “well that makes better sense,” sort of situations lol

  • Brett

    But, you are gay haha. The stereotype is right in your case…maybe you’re not the person who should be defending straight male dancers?

    The masculinity issue is another thing entirely…it seems a bit disjointed here.

  • rick

    he’s in denial that’s the first thing that came to my mind when he said the meaning of masculinity

  • Marc

    This supposed friend of yours really isn’t a friend at all.
    If you start fake-lisping tomorrow, watch him run away from you, stop hanging out and accepting your calls.

    Oh, he might try to beat you up first too.


    Aren’t true friends supposed to accept and love unconditionally?
    Mine do.
    IF they don’t, they aren’t my friend.

  • Jordan

    Marc – You make a good point.

    Rick – Haha maybe! Who knows. I’m not one to point fingers though.

    Brett – I’m not arguing the fact that dancers aren’t gay…I’m just wondering what made dance the sport to automatically trigger people’s minds to assume they are gay. I know plenty of dancers that aren’t…and hockey/football/rugby players who are.

    Wade – I’ll have to pick it up sometime.