Hello Homorazzians! It’s been a while since I’ve written anything more personal than my thoughts on the latest and greatest of TV and Movies and I thought I’d come back with my recommend for increasing the yield you get from being gay as summer hits and prides, vacations, and vascularity from the gym seem to be all anyone can talk about… Join a gay sport!
The reason I’m “telling you what to do” is because too often I’m STILL reading in comments and blogs and on Facebook inane posts that “Gay [insert your city here] is unfriendly” or that it’s impossible to meet new guys, or that gay life is just about the bar and club scene. First off: shut up. Second off: your life is in your hands so change what you don’t like about it. Fine, to the two readers in Mumbai, yes, there are limits to how much you can access if your home doesn’t have the options most metropolis’ do, but that’s an article for another day (and another author, cause honestly I would just tell you to run). Instead, this goes out to guys who have opportunities and don’t take advantage: get off your ass and stop complaining!
No, I’m not yelling at you. Calm down. I just want to take a tone of force because WAY too much do I hear: “Oh, I wanted to join [insert sport here], but I got busy.” Yes Michelle, that’s what life is, it’s busy (ten points if you get that Amy Schumer reference). You need to realize that you are always going to have other commitments; that you’re always going to be tired after work or want the weekend to yourself; or, that you want to meet new people but don’t like that first part of being new. Blah blah blah: get over it. Joining a gay sport is a doorway not just to a healthy new add on to your life but to new friends, new MEN, and finding out more about yourself. Team sports (which I’m focusing on here) allow for you to develop social skills, they get you access to a new type of gay you might have NEVER met on a Saturday while out drinking, and increase your social life ten fold. And to those hipster new gays who argue “gay sports” are un-inclusive and continue to ghetto us and should be abolished to make way for Ally McBeal unisex bathrooms or whatever, shut up. A lot of us still like the comfort of feeling safe in a space to be as much us as we want to and often that doesn’t include being surrounded by straight men and women.
Because what I hear stops gays the most from pursuing and endeavour like this isn’t the theory of it but rather the logistics, below are my step by step instructions and thoughts to get you into a sport within the year. No more excuses ladies.
Step One: Pick a sport.
This is interestingly one that stops a lot of people. “I don’t have good eye hand coordination”, “I don’t do well with teams”, “I can’t throw to save my life” etc are all SEEMINGLY valid reasons for avoiding sports but fuck em’. I say for the most part we haven’t tried these types of activities since we were in high school and for a lot of us that was QUITE a long time ago and thing have changed and your memories of your awfulness might be exaggerated. Further, playing baseball at 14 is wildly different from slow-pitch at 30 with a bunch of beer soaked gays out for a good time. Pick a sport that seems like it would be fun and just TRY it.
Step Two: Google gay teams in your area.
EVERY year I hear the lament of men who missed the sign up cut off dates for the sport they wanted to join. Yes Michelle, there is a start and finish to when you can join a team. Most groups either fill up or need to start making teams so the door can’t stay open forever. Find out where the sport of your choice meets, when the joining date is, and who to write to get yourself on a list. Email the website, the president, the fucking facebook page administrator. You are not bothering them: they are there to help you find out about their sport and they will be able to answer any question their website can’t.
Step Three: Calm down, I can hear your panicking from here.
Seriously, I can actually hear you saying: “I’m not good enough” OR “I use to play in high school and college, I’m sure I’ll be bored”. To both of you I say shut up. Most gay sports in larger cities allows for different levels of play. That, or it’s a mixed skill level and you will certainly find people better or worse than you but take a pill: you’re not here to prep for the Olympics, you’re here to have fun and meet new people. Accept that your level is unique and is JUST fine and you’ll be able to actually enjoy yourself I promise. To those who think they aren’t good enough: that’s what you’re there to do, learn to be better. Everyone starts out somewhere and the teams know that as they were once new themselves.
Step Four: Shut up about missing the gym.
I swear to god if I hear: “I would join but I can’t skip the gym” one more time I’ll scream. If that’s your reason to skip a sport then fine: I wouldn’t want you on my team anyway. Congrats that you’ve found an outlet that works for you but if you’re someone that has interest in playing a team sport but opts not to because it cuts down on lifting time then you really are everything that anti cross fit videos joke about. You’re not just doing it to be healthy: a lot of sports provide a much needed cardio routine that gets you going. You’re not doing it to be social at the gym: walking around guys either cruising or listening to music isn’t making new friends. I know I’m DEFINITELY getting anti-gym obsessed ranty but I just want you to consider why you’re saying no to trying something new with new people for something you can literally do any time that keeps you in your bubble. Venture forth my gay and find out there’s a whole community of guys out there you haven’t met yet.
Honestly, joining soccer and slo-pitch softball were personally some of the best decisions of my life as they’ve brought me to international locations, led me to OutGames ceremonies and medal winning that I’ll always remember, and started friendships I wouldn’t have found otherwise. I just hope you get a chance to enjoy it yourself.