My Response To The Comments On My “Gay Men Who Out Other Gay Men Are … Neither Right Nor Wrong” Article

“We must all tell our parents. We must tell our families. We must all tell our friends. We must all tell our coworkers…. What was done to us when we were children was nothing less than child abuse…. Liberate yourself and all others who are locked in the closet…. Badger everyone you know who is closeted–your friends, your family members, your coworkers – to come out. Put pressure on those in power whom you know to be queer. Send them letters. Call them on the phone. Fax them. Confront them in the streets. Tell them they have a responsibility: to themselves, to you, to humanity.” – Michelangelo Signorile, Queer in America, 1993

I understand that there are some concerned and loyal Homorazzi.com readers and followers that are upset about the stance I took on my recent “outing” article – more specifically, how I referred to the “outee” as a “little bitch”.

This isn’t an apology, but more of an expansion and clarification on: Gay Men Who Out Other Gay Men Are … Neither Right Nor Wrong. My opinion still, strongly and firmly, stands.

How many of you have had a conversation with a group of friends and nonchalantly mentioned, “Oh yeah, that guy, he’s gay”. Guess what, if someone in that group didn’t know that said person was gay, you just outed them, and you’ve officially participated in “the worst thing you can do to anyone” (A quote from a response to the original article by Jay, May 9, 1:47 pm). It’s all relative to the situation, or in this case, in how you, the readers, have interpreted my tone in saying “little bitch”. Have you not been annoyed by someone and referred to him or her as a “little bitch”? … And if you have, don’t respond by saying, “but it’s a different situation”. Yes, the situation is different, but the meaning behind you calling said person a “little bitch” remains the same: an instinct reaction and response to being annoyed by someone’s immature actions. Go ahead and call me a “little bitch”. I understand why.

Because I have chosen to quote Michelangelo Signorile doesn’t mean I completely agree with his point of view…. But can you now understand where I was coming from when I said “Why would you want to hide your true self, especially when there is increasing support for LGBT members in mainstream culture these days?” You should be proud of who you are. Own your sexuality. Flaunt it. If you fear a negative reaction from taking one of the biggest risks (if not the biggest) of your life by proudly proclaiming who you are … WHO CARES? Those people don’t deserve to be in your company. There is an increasing amount of support for LGBT equality and LGBT rights that it’s pointless and unnecessary to remain hidden in the closet (in my opinion). You don’t have to go around waving a Pride flag (like I do), but at least know that others, people who you don’t even know, support you for who you are 120%. Let those people know you support yourself 120%.

This is called an opinion and everyone is entitled to one. I respect and welcome your responses/comments and take it as constructive criticism. If I can respect you and your comments/feedback, you can certainly respect me and my opinion.

Men who out other gay men are neither right nor wrong.

Check.

*Disclaimer: The views presented in this article are solely those of the author and do not represent Homorazzi.com in its entirety.

  • Jay

    “*Disclaimer: The views presented in this article are solely those of the author and do not represent Homorazzi.com in its entirety”

    The best and only valid quote this whole article has

  • Josh

    You’re still an asshole and obviously don’t get it. Just because you’ve had a fairy tale perfect experience coming out to the people you care about doesn’t mean everyone will. My family is extremely conservative and religious and I know they would freak out if I told them. But according to you, I should just forget them? Maybe family doesn’t mean anything to you buys important to me.

    You continue to defend calling the guy you outed “a little bitch” for a reason I can’t quite understand. He annoyed you by being understandably upset, therefore HE’S the jerk? Are you completely oblivious or do you just not care about basic human decency? I guess if you killed someone by driving drunk you’d call that person’s loved ones “little bitches” for making a big deal out of nothing?

    You’re a terrible person and I really hope you get a wake up call sooner rather than later

  • Jay

    You also still don’t understand that there are some people who are an LGBT member but do not choose to be apart of that identifier, even if there is more support for the community. This person you outed might have been completely comfortable with themselves and proud of themselves. Yet you think they need to flaunt it and come out? It is not your call to make.

    I understand that this article was a supposed “opinion” piece whih is totally fine. Your opinion was that you are neither here nor there when a gay man outs another gay man. Great, once again your own personal opinion.

    But it’s your arrogance and your inability to see how you actively hurt someone AND your lack of an actual meaningful apology, along with your inability to see that you took away somone’s right to choose that has many people fuming.

    If you don’t see where we are coming from then “ignorance is bliss”

  • Christiaan

    Hi Jay and Josh,

    Again, I appreciate the feedback. It’s always welcome and encouraged.

    Jay: In no way am I trying to be arrogant. I understand that I did hurt this person. And I know that it wasn’t my call to make. I addressed that in my first article, but you continue to dismiss it.

    Josh: At no point did I call the “outee” a jerk for being a “little bitch”. I, too, come from a European, Roman Catholic, conservative family. I know there are relatives who disapprove of my sexuality. Yes, those people are out of my life, regardless if they are “family”. Everyone defines “family” in his or her own way (and that is a completely different story). Those people don’t deserve your frustration or your inability to comprehend why they won’t accept you for who you are. Move on with your life.

    I appreciate all the feedback and comments. Thank you for being a loyal fan of Homorazzi.com.

    Christiaan

  • Ugh. Seriously. My face is all over this website and is attached to the articles I write. Can Christiaan, I don’t even know who he is, have a profile pic please so we can have some personal accountability with this article. Donovan/Patrick… can we make that happen?

    It feels weird to have someone driving controversy (controversy itself is fine… yay gay drama) on Homorazzi who isn’t technically a member but seems to be a regular writer and we, the other contributors, have no idea who he is.

  • DouggSeven

    Ugh, this idiot still doesn’t get it and has now toned down his story to defend his incorrect ‘little bitch’ comment. Christiaan, you are an asshole and no follow up stories or responses are going to convince people who do not agree with your stance, otherwise. I don’t care who Michelangelo Signorile is and your google technique used to find that quote – it’s still wrong. If someone is comfortable in coming out – that’s their choice, and no one elses. Not everyone works is in the fashion industry, literary community, entertainment buisness, or at some trendy website where life is a bit easier to flaunt your sexuality. There are also intollerant families out there who would abandon their own offspring with such an announcement. A reason so many teens are killing themselves after coming out or being outted are due to societal issues. Are you going to fly to Sudbury Ontario to rescue that kid from hanging himself because everyone puts pressure on him to ‘COME OUT, BE PROUD, EVERYTHING WILL BE OK!’ – but everyone has disowned him? I doubt it. We are not in a utopia where everyone is accepting of gay people. I wish we were, but the reality is that we are not.

  • Juan

    Christiaan,

    While I understand the point you are trying to make, I have to say you are presenting a really narrow view. I have to agree with an earlier comment that every person’s circumstances are different with varying levels of difficulty and danger (physical, emotional harm, etc.). I too wish everyone would come out. It would be a better world if we all did. But you cannot play the judge and jury on when and how you think a particular person should be ‘outed.’ You play a dangerous game there and frankly I doubt you have the wisdom and tact to fully understand a delicate, INTEGRAL part of someone else’s identity. And just because you define ‘family’ the way you want to, doesn’t mean everyone defines it the same way. Honestly, if you did that to me or to anyone i knew, I would not consider you a good person and would not count you among my friends. I still respect your right to an opinion, even if I don’t think it was very thoughtfully presented.

  • DouggSeven

    @ Rich

    Thank you for the information. Regular articles from homrazzi staff aren’t as blunt or as opinionated as this title was. “Gay Men Who Out Other Gay Men Are … Neither Right Nor Wrong”. This title is wrong on a few different levels. I’m going to assume that Christiaan isn’t in a psychological field to even make such an authorative claim. He doesn’t know shit about writing and homorazzi should not allow his submissions any longer and whoever approved this article/title should be held accountable as well.

  • Sean PhD

    You can take my professional stance however you like, but the original article is completely inflammatory, ego-maniacal, asking for self affirmation on negativity and dangerous. Unless you happen to be in my field of professionalism, I would HIGHLY recommend you NOT to thrust upon the public YOUR ideals of affirmation. What you did is nothing short of flowery jargon in the form of bullying and pressure to those who already may be fragile, insecure and in situations that are less than ideal to disclose THEIR personal choice in disclosure.

    Furthermore, your rebuttal article does nothing more but condescend your readers who felt abused, hurt and negative about your affront. Let me assure you that should your “article” cause a young reader to make a choice based on your inflammatory words, that causes them harm, you will not walk away legally unscathed.

    **I do hold a Doctorate in Clinical Psychology**

  • Free

    I have to agree with all the other comments, particularly Sean PhD. As someone who is a professional in psychiatry, I too consider this article dangerous, abrasive, nonsensical and desperate. Controversy can generate conversation as long as ideas are not thrown out in the wind just for the sake of shocking others.
    As evidenced in this case, there is no healthy discussion. All that we see is an immature “writer” trying to defend a fallacy, while 100% of responders feel disappointed about such naive and narrow opinion.

    I dare to say that certain topics should be carefully written by experts and/or authors who have done appropriate/extensive research on it (and can actually back up their arguments).

    Perhaps the most humorous part of this response is when the writer refers calling someone a “little bitch”: “instinct reaction and response to being annoyed by someone’s immature actions.” Once again he tries to generalize and imply that everyone’s coping mechanisms are as primitive as his own.

    Shame to have such horrible article amidst a website that is filled with other entertaining, well written and funny material. I’d encourage homorazzi.com to reevaluate whether such writer does not damage more than contributes to the whole website.

  • Clayton

    This guy. Really.

    In the piece you didn’t say you called him a “little bitch” in an “instinct reaction”, you called him a little bitch, in preset tense, in a written article, some time after the event, and you’re still defending it.

    “If you fear a negative reaction from taking one of the biggest risks (if not the biggest) of your life by proudly proclaiming who you are … WHO CARES?” Well obviously “little bitch” cared. You don’t get to decide how he should feel. You don’t know how coming out is going to affect someone at a particular point in their life. And it doesn’t matter anyway, it’s not your call. You robbed him of the ability to “proudly proclaim” who he was. You did it for him and mired what should have been a time of positive change and growth with shame and embarrassment.

  • Clayton

    “If you’re having girl problems I feel bad for you son I got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one.” Just because I have chosen to quote Jay Z does not mean that I agree with him and that I have no problems with bitches…ugh. Just fucking gag me.

    The quote (which you obviously agree with and are using to support your argument) does not say to out people, it says to urge them to come out.

  • Clayton

    If I were careless enough to out someone unintentionally I would take all of the blame and responsibility, apologize as completely and profusely as I possibly could, and ask to be forgiven.

  • Clayton

    I have looked at some of your other posts Christiaan. You are breathtakingly ignorant, lack any trace of self knowledge and have absolutely no moral center. I will not continue to give you the pleasure of dignifying your posts by responding to them. I absolutely expect some sort of response along the lines of “thanks for your interest, I’m super awesome for making us talk like this, aren’t?” I want you to know that that won’t work on me. Not all opinions are created equal.