Dating: “Hit the Road Jack!”
21Nov2009 Filed under: Saturday Submissions Author: Saturday Submissions
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Is there a nice way to tell someone you have gone on a date with that your not interested?
So I have recently become single again, after the end of my 3 year relationship and am hitting the dating scene again, and to be honest, it has not been a great experience so far! I’m not in a rush to get into another relationship, just need something to keep my mind off my ex, keep me busy and it can’t hurt to get back out there and meet some new people. A little fun couldn’t hurt either, if you know what I mean, ha!
I have been doing some online dating, its challenging to say the least, but I did meet my ex online so there is some hope. I went on a few dates over the past few weeks - the first one went really well actually however I just wasn’t feeling ANY attraction at all, which is not a good sign right? So after the date, he said “we should do this again” which I responded to with “yea, for sure!” as I was still not sure how I felt about him at that point. He followed up with several messages afterwards and when he asked to see me again, I let him know that I just wasn’t feeling it, but it was good meeting him. He responded with a big, bitchy “Whatever” and didn’t say another word. Rude.
The next guy was WAY too old for me, like “Daddy” old, and I was just hoping he didn’t ask to see me again at the end of date, which thankfully he didn’t, and I just followed up online afterwards. I told him I wasn’t feeling it and it was great to meet him and he responded really well with a similar response – perfect!
The third date went well and we decided to go on a second date, which was much different and preceded to be quite possibly the worst date I have ever been on, seriously, but that is another article! Haha. When he followed up on another date, I told him very nicely I might add, that I didn’t feel the spark and that I have a great time meeting him. He didn’t even respond, nothing, not a word, which is fine by me I suppose but he was obviously offended.
So this is my dilemma, I am overt to conflict and get all stressed out when I have to say I am not interested, I guess for fear of an angry response. I know this is ridiculous, I don’t owe them anything, I never gave them the impression that we would start dating regularly or anything. If only they would all react like the Daddy date!
How would you handle this situation? Quick like a band-aid or is there someway to sugar coat it? How would Adam handle this?
Submitted By: Mitch M.
Wanna write? Have an opinion?
We’re excited to present this article, written by a guest writer, as part of “Saturday Submissions“. Do you have something to say? Send your article to saturdays[at]homorazzi[dot]com each week by Friday to be considered!
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- “Lets Just Be Friends”: A Girl’s Perspective
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bruin
November 21st, 2009 at 4:04 am
ooh really tough one. the best way is to dont pick up the phone and let it ring. silence is golden. and the message is clear.
Adam
November 21st, 2009 at 2:40 pm
Breaking up with someone is RUDE and morally WRONG… i can’t believe you would write and article about this.. the fact that this site would show this is outrageous… I will never come here again. I am AGAINST anything as horrible as breaking up with someone and would never go to a site that discusses this.
ps. awesome article. i’m just yelling at our owners ;) x
pps. i would never BE in this situation… i ALWAYS get dumped first but do love that you would ask.
xx
Patrick
November 21st, 2009 at 3:19 pm
Good article, Mitchy :)
Stephen
November 21st, 2009 at 9:40 pm
Mitch, I think what you did, being honest, is always the best way to go. If you didn’t feel the spark, then you didn’t feel the spark. It’s not like you were mean, you were just honest with these guys.
Personally I think its the guys you were dating whose reactions were in the wrong. They should be asking themselves why they would even want to be with someone that doesn’t want to be with them, right? I understand, they’re probably disappointed because obviously they saw something there with you, but you did your part, you were honest with them about how you felt and that’s all you can do.
If someone didn’t feel the spark with me, I would hope they would be honest and tell me so it wouldn’t be a waste of time, right? I’d respect that much more than hearing silence or a few missed calls or unreturned texts - I’d get the message, but I’d think “douchey coward” in my head.
topher
November 22nd, 2009 at 5:04 am
If the other person was interested, then it’s going to sting when you tell them you’re not feeling it. But it’s WAY better to do it the way you’ve done it (honestly) then to drag it on for a few more dates, or give some lame excuse like “I’m really busy this week”. If you’re to the point, and honest, without leaving anything up to interpretation they’ll be pissed at first, but they’ll move on quickly, unless they’re a psycho in which case it wouldn’t matter how you ended it anyway.
Allan
November 22nd, 2009 at 2:57 pm
Well - funny that Topher should be above my response because…his response to me hitting on him was the best shut down I’ve EVER received. Anyone who has had the pleasure of meeting Topher knows that’s he’s funny and very attractive and tall…how could you not have a crush on him? When I drunkenly told him that I thought he was really cute he said, “I think you’re really nice but I like tall guys too.” I’m 5′5 and it was just the best shut down I’ve ever had. I felt like instead of it being me as a person he was just being honest about what he liked that I would not be able to give him. Perfect.
I’m like Adam and always get dumped first but if I was in the situation of being the dumper I would pick something that they just couldn’t give so that they don’t feel like it’s them as a person. It made me feel okay, so I’d hope for the same thing with the guy I was shutting down.
Dan
November 23rd, 2009 at 12:06 am
Mitch - All I can say is this is simply adorable!
Keep going on these dates so you have more to talk about!
I’m always intrigued as to the dating scene, as like Adam, I rarely find myself in these situations. ;)