Tyra Banks Take Note, Five Ways To Improve America’s Next Top Model

Previously on America’s Next Top Model, Tyrant waited until the final four before giving us the always lame recap episode. RECRAP. I refuse to blog about it. Instead, I think it’s time we address some issues with the lovely, the noted, the smizingly fiercely real Tyrant Banks and give her some tips on making ANTM great again. Who am I you ask? Just a disgruntled gay who actually loves the show and has never ever missed an episode in 17 seasons, but is growing so weary of the antics, the drama… and Tyrant’s blatant manipulations of the results and story lines. But there’s hope. Here are my Top 5 ways to improve America’s Next Top Model.

5 Ways To Improve ANTM

Let The Photographer Pick Best Pics

How many times have we seen Tyrant pull up a SUPER bad picture of a girl because it’s OBVIOUS she wants her in the bottom 2 or gone? It happened this season to Laura two episodes ago. As if that picture of her looking all twisted in the Greek salad was her best picture. Bullshit. Lisa and Bianca both tried to call out the show for the photo manipulations this year, but both were shot down. Once by Tyrant and once by Nigel. It’s so obvious the girls were right though. That’s why I think the photographers should be the ones to pick their favorite photos and have those submitted to panel. Take Tyrant’s heavy-handed manipulation out of the equation.

Kill The Gimmicky Skits

Ugh. Remember that whole Sci-Fi robot skit they did way back when to introduce Tyrant to the girls? Super Ugh. Or the time she put on a Kangaroo suit to tell them they were going to Australia? And this season… the breaking of the plates? Enough. They’re not funny. I just roll my eyes and fast forward. It’s better drama just to tell the girls right before elimination that the remaining wannabes will be going to the international destination. It puts real drama and tension into the results.

Stop Making The Girls Speak Foreign Languages

Seriously, CoverGirl commercials are tricky enough… getting those products right, like lashblast lasting lush lips fluff puffs, is hard enough. We don’t need to see them trip all over some foreign tongue. Sure, it can lead to some chuckles, but I’d rather see which girls have talent and which don’t. I don’t need to see who can fuck up a language they’ve never spoken. Remember the disaster in Italy? Take a look below. How did Whitney WIN? Ugh.

Bring Back Nole Marin & Janice Dickinson

It’ll never happen because Tyrant loathes to be upstaged at panel, but Janice and Nole were sensationally bitchy and hilarious judges. They never coddled Tyrant’s ego, especially Janice. But that’s when you get the ax as a Top Model judge. Just look at Kathy Griffin this season. Was she muzzled? She said nothing hilarious. I will never forget the episode where Nole Marin likened Xiomarra to a dying sea cow in chiffon. Take a look at the Janice reel below to remember how things USED to be before Tyrant started muzzling the judges.

Stop The Bogus Eliminations

Lauren Brie, Katarzyna, any girl over Bre, Molly Sue… just to name a few. All girls who were eliminated so Tyrant and her editors could deliver a “shocking” turn of events (Lauren Brie going so early), preserve a dramatic character (Jade staying over Molly Sue), or promote a favored token model “type” (Whitney staying over Katarzyna). Tyrant needs to trust the formula. We’ve been watching for 17 Cycles. Let the top rise to the top, cut the cannon fodder early, and stop manipulating storylines. We watch for the modeling, not the artificial drama. Check out this great summary of unfair eliminations I found on YouTube.

That’s my take… What are your suggestions?

  • Andre00x

    I agree!

  • Rich Fan

    Anything you write about ANTM cracks me up. Such a writing genius. Sincerely, Rich fan.

  • DC

    But I have to say the Italian covergirl episode was one of the funniest in ANTM history. Even the judging panel was hilarious and had me rotfl…

  • Andrew

    I think the show just needs less Tyra

  • ANTM fan

    I saw a few episodes of Australia’s next top model (or was it NZ, I’m not sure) where the photographers actually pick the photos and not the host. The show was much more credible in that you can tell by the photos which will be booted off because of the photos and they were pretty much accurate. The judges also account for the behaviour inside the house. Too bad it can’t be done in the US version because they’re clearly doing it for the ratings and not for the supposd purpose of the show.

  • Slash

    ooohhh…i totally agree with above..I’ve started watching Ausntm this year…and I remembered that for the final 3 photo shoot in Dubai, it was the photographer himself who pick the best photo and let the judges decide.

  • OhhhGurl

    Totally agree. We should see the worst and the best pic. How could Dominique’s pic be the best when it was awful and Nigel himself said at the time of shooting her pics were excellent? Australia’s NTM is really bitchy and they look at the girls behaviour in the house which I think it an excellent idea. And if Tyrant (love that!) is only doing themed seasons when are we getting a male version? Now THAT would be worth seeing 🙂

  • Aqua

    1. Bring Back Janice . She made Antm famous and Nole was great too.
    2. Kick Out Nigel the Dickhead . His comments r fucking useless.
    3. Bring Back Miss J on Panel.
    4. Bring back challenges at panel.
    5. More Intresting hf photoshoots and photographers.
    6. Keep Hf potentially great girls till the end and eliminate the Crap first.
    7. Dont create unnecessary Drama.
    8. And Tyra ..please Wear some hf clothes ..U look like a Damn Fool at Panel.
    9. Always choose the Best Photos of the girls and Dont Sabotage them.
    10. Eliminate Biches . Dont keep them till last.

  • the D.I.B.

    Its sad, they were getting back on the right track with cycle 15 & 16 with their association with Italian Vogue, and Tyra herself seemed aware of the need to go for more model potential (Ann Ward is what the show needed and would’ve been gone early in the cycle 9/10 era)… but the All-Star cycle seems ill-timed in the show’s quest to legitimize itself. Even though, cycle 17 continues with the Italian Vogue package (and really, the best winners package to date, ie Vogue, Express campaign etc), its clear this cycle that Tyra realizes that this title of “America’s Next Top Model” means nothing and is going to “give” it to Angelea because it will help her the most/ change her life the most. AND, after 17 cycles, as a fan who has also never missed an episode, am actually ok with it. Of the final 4 — Lisa is too old, and still has the same problem that got her booted way back in cycle 5, lack of pure facial beauty; Laura is so charismatic, but too short and too in-articulate for realistic well-rounded career; Allison is gorge, could’ve easily beat Teyona in cycle 12, but as we caught up to her at the beginning of cycle 17 hasn’t even been modeling (I think she said she prefers art directing); which leaves Angelea, who wants the title, has TV personality (for the Extra), is skinny and tall enough (for the modeling side) and would CLEARLY be the one to be able to change her life course with some prize money and exposure… so, ehhh, good for Angelea.
    Plus, the masses were so turned off from back-to-back season’s of “rigged, pre-determined” winners of cycle 9’s Saleshia (generic look, pretty girl, but in no way modelesque) being a Camp Tyra product AND cycle 10’s Whitney (didn’t Anya win almost every challenge and best pic that season??) being right during Tyra’s “kiss my fat a**”, embrace your weight personal struggle; that those masses may never come back.

  • This show is STILL on TV?

  • Micheal

    Under the fourth fix where you mention bringing back Janice Dickinson and Nolé Marin, I just wanted to correct the copy and say that you meant “reel” not “real.” Also, to this same fix I think we might actually get it, now that ALT is leaving and we’re getting Kelly Cutrone. I don’t see her holding back.

  • Thanks Rich Fan! So sweet.

    @DC… The Italian shoot was funny, but it probably would have still been funny in English. Remember Jade trying to do her commercial? Awful.

    @Andrew. Less Tyra… absolutely… or at least less showy Tyra and more more actual mentor Tyra

    @The D.I.B. I totally agree… they were on the road to redemption with Cycle 15 and 16. I don’t know why they gave up.

    @Michael… thanks for the typo grab!

  • David

    You left out the best spark of hope… An ALL MALE CYCLE!!! There would definitely be drama… and with all those hot guys together, there would definitely be crushes and love triangles. Plus, how hilarious would it be having Miss J teach runway to guys??

  • All male cycle would be interesting… Remember Manhunt? No Adam… not the online (ahem) dating site, but the model competition.

    I forgot another way to make it better… don’t make the boots SO obvious. The editors do a pretty good job in the first five minutes of letting us know who is likely to go home.

  • KF

    I would LOVE for Tyra to give up control of picking the best picture to the photographer, or at the very least to allow the other judges (and the audience) to see more of a variety of pictures. I was so pissed with picture she chose as Laura’s best in the Greek Salad shoot, because one of the preview pics that you guys showed here was so much better than the one Tyra picked.

    And I’d love to see Miss J back on the panel, I was pleasantly surprised to see her there this past week. I also completely agree with Aqua, I’m sick of Nigel. I am looking forward to seeing what Kelly Cutrone brings next season though, she’s never been one to mince words.

    One thing that I enjoyed while watching Canada’s Next Top Model was the lack of schtick and drama coming from the judges and host (who happens to be Mr. Jay). There were soooo many less gimmicks, it was quite refreshing. And I completely agree with your example (Rich) about the real drama of announcing that the rest of the girls will be going abroad, right before a cut happens. That is the type of drama I want to see, not the manufactured-for-TV bullshit!

    As for the bogus eliminations, Saleisha winning was one of my least favourite moments ever. Ugh ugh ugh. And then there’s Lauren Brie … but don’t get me started, because there are just too many to name.

    I actually went back and watched the first season of ANTM recently, and Tyra’s role was much more of a mentor. It was interesting to see how much the show has changed. Sadly, I don’t think that Tyra’s ego will allow for the necessary changes to be made. And I feel like a lot of “reality TV” falls into that vein these days, with overt producer manipulation in the name of ratings.

  • zeze

    tyra should be just the creator of the show..
    she was so mess in judging panel and hideous outfit sometimes..
    always eliminated the 100% model potential girl and let stay the cause drama girl and also let herself pick the photo (which should be the photographer choose that)..
    i was so happy with cycle 15 and 16 about the price of vogue and img..
    but super dissapointed with cycle 17..
    the dissapointed from cycle 17 :
    – bring the girl that’s model potential, not cause drama girl
    – they remove IMG?? that’s why in cycle 17 they all turn star rather than modelling
    – all the challenge most of them are all about reality stars
    – cheap photoshoot (hotdog, catfight, music video blah blah)
    – tyra totally want the girls to be like her

  • Lauren

    Just keep pushing those crazy challanges to the next level!
    I wanna see Tyra top the one inside the bubbles on the water!
    Oh, and I still love watching the girls fall!lol
    http://youtu.be/oo7vEPDJlvg

  • Amanda

    Personally I think someone needs to stop watching the show. I agree that there are some things that could be better but if you’re just going to bitch why are you watching it? There’s no point.

  • Oh Amanda hun… you miss the point. I LOVE ANTM… and I LOVE bitching about ANTM… I just wish Tyrant would listen to me more. Obviously. 😉

  • Luis CR

    I think Tyra should watch Australia’s Next Top Model, at least last 2 cycles (6th & 7th), here are the main pro’s:
    1. Sarah Murdoch’s hosting style is more motherly/leading by example/poised, she’s stunning and very elegant, she’s all about modelling comes first and discipline, no shenanigans.
    2.Casting is everything on Australian version, they´re not into “who’s the biggest bitch of the bunch” or “I’m a plus size girl victim of bullying”, contestants in AusNTM are really strong with tons of potential.
    3.Photoshoots are really profesional, best photo of each contestant is picked by the guest photographer, so there´s no bias.
    4. Eliminations are not based on “popularity”/”Personality”, they don’t give a f*** if the mean chick goes home, they want the girl with international potential.
    5. Australian version´s main goal is to send their winner overseas, to meet with a partner agency in NY, previous cycle was Elite, on most recent cycle it was NEXT Model Management, so the winner btw you can google her “Montana Cox” is set to have a meeting with Next on December, that girl is aimed to take NY, Milan and Paris by storm, watch her, she’s set for big things, those are my 2 cents on things Tyra should improve on ANTM, this all-star ended up being a BIG-SAD Joke.

  • Amanda

    @Rich, that will NEVER happen. Tyra does what she wants. I find it hilarious that you would even WISH she would listen to you. Not trying to be mean, but it’s true.
    @Luis CR, about the second and fourth number on your comment: I personally just started watching AusNTM and haven’t seen past the first season but from what I’m seeing they’re doing the same thing as ANTM. Why do you think they kept letting Allana stay? Because she created drama and was the ‘bitch’ of the season. I honestly think they would’ve kept her in if she hadn’t have left by herself.

  • Luis CR

    @Amanda, skip season 1, 2, 3 & 4 please, they’re shit, only good thing on cycle 3 was the fabulous winner Alice Burdeu, she’s flawless, then go watch cycles 5, 6 and 7, show has changed a lot during the years, they improved a lot since they changed their host, so, for hardcore NTM fans worldwide Australia’s NTM best cycles are 5, 6 & 7, it’s very difficult to find episodes in youtube, for copyright issues episodes for cycle 5, 6 & 7 are not available on youtube.

    Rich, Amanda and all those curious about AusNTM, watch these uploaded episodes:

    http://tv.blinkx.com/show/australia-next-top-model/uwmWhGzTEJLhWMRQ

    and the Dubai episode for cycle 7th, which was over the top:

    http://www.videobb.com/watch_video.php?v=r5UEFj71z22M

    Enjoy 😉

  • milkyaqua

    I do agree about AusNTM being better than ANTM. However, Sarah isn’t above playing favorites either. C5’s winner, Tahnee was strictly Sarah kissing up to the folks who were critical about the standard model sizes in the industry. Also, Cassie and her bad behavior. True, you can say Cassie was kept because of potential (and indeed, she’s worked the most from that cycle and could have gone int’l were she a bit more mature) but she was also a drama queen. And this cycle, Rachel had no business being in the top six. She was kept because Sarah liked her. This cycle was also more gimmicky since they’ve gone with a new production team. I’m hoping next cycle is more like C6.

    But good points about ANTM especially regarding the photos. It would also be nice if the girls could pick their best photos and contrast that with the photographer’s choice. Also, let the photog’s direct like they do in real life. Mr. Jay’s “direction” on set is pointless and would never happen. I miss Janice. People may think she’s mean but she’s not saying anything that the girls aren’t going to hear when they go to an actual modeling agency. Janice’s comments are actually mild. Nigel is useless. He’s more or less going to agree w/Tyra most of the time and only likes girls he’s attracted to; his judging is totally pointless because of this. The bogus elims and manufactured drama are silly as well. There’s no way you have that many girls in one spot and not have natural tension, no need to make it up.

  • Jack

    I threw my remote at the TV when they eliminated CELIA!!! she was going to WIN IT ALL