broken-heart1

Following the theme of “painfully single” that oh-so permeates my article and video contributions to homorazzi.com, today I’m looking at that elusive thing called “love”. Oh, and by “elusive”, apparently I mean abundant, bountiful, frequent and facile. Love is EVERYWHERE. But, and here’s my spin on the issue, it seems so vapidly short-lived and reboundable [see my first article on this site]. Again, I’ll start with the disclaimer of: “No, I’ve never been in love and have never had a boyfriend so likely shouldn’t talk”… but hey, it’s my blog and I’ll cry if I want to ;)

Logging onto facebook today, I was informed that it was a friend’s boyfriend’s birthday. Her status read: “Happy Birthday Davin!!!!! xxooxxooxxoo Looooooooooooove you! 22 minutes ago”… Funny you should mention “22 minutes ago”, facebook, because I honestly wonder if that love is still there. I know I’m sounding eye-rollingly like a pessimist here, but honestly: how many times have I seen “[Insert name here] is no longer in a relationship”? While this issue applies to all genders and sexual preferences, I do think that we homos have a strong addiction to this thing called “love”. Furthermore, I think we also have a leg-up on the competition for being able to so readily fall OUT of it.

This article is less rant and more plea for an explanation from you boys (and girls) on how you can be in love as if it were some perennial flower that grows anew every spring. [Side Note: The private joke behind the use "perennial" there is that it was my handle on Manhunt for well over a year... and it definitely didn't lead me to love!] I am ALL about finding your perfect mate, but personally, I hope the first time I use the word- in that way- will be with the one and only man I say it to for the rest of my life… now who’s the pessimist? ;)

I do understand that “things happen”- that jobs, accidents, and unpredictable conflicts arise that end the (once-assumed permanent) love. That I get. What boggles me is that you people (yeah, I said it!), are able to continually find that new “one-and-only”… again, and again, and again. I would say- and correct me if this statistic seems to contradict what you see in yourself and your friends- that on average, my 30-something year old friends have said the L-word about 4 or 5 times in their lives. Four or five “soul mates”- as I once thought the word to denote…??? That seems crazy to me. I’m reminded of a Spill Canvas song- The Tide- and the lyrics: “And he can’t understand / How everyone goes on breathing when true love ends.” I feel like the boy in that song who “sits on the dock” and waits to experience love for the first time but isn’t sure if he’ll ever truly find it since everything he’s ever heard/read about it doesn’t seem to exist in the real world.

Thankfully, I’ve got great examples from my- very together- parents, my married brother, my married sister and my other- likely soon-to-be- married sister… Still, they’ve said “I love you” so many times, to so many people over the years that I can’t help but feel that the word doesn’t mean what I think it should… Likely, the problem’s with me. Still, I had to ask.

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