Cutesy Couples’ Facebook Posts: Desperate or Demonstrative?

How much do you LOVE when your nearest and dearest decide that their walls are the exact right place to post that SUPER cute picture of them and their hubby kissing by the beach, or holding hands and looking lovingly into each others’ eyes or doin’ the selfie shot from bed together come Sunday morning as they declare themselves the: “Best Couple Ever!“? Does the photo remind you that love exists and that dreams really do come true for you and yours or does it make you consider deleting the gnats or at the very least hiding all their further updates from your news feed?

Honestly, until just 5 seconds before typing this line I WAS going to say that I was going to remain impartial for this article and write from both points of view on this issue, but screw it, people already can’t stand me so I may as well stand up for my convictions: I LOATHE cutesy couple facebook posts. I’m sure you’ve had this talk with most of your friends at some point and while it seems that the rumbling among us seem to agree with my side it’s the lovey-dovey posters that seem to win out with day in and out updates of how amazing their relationship is. Blech. I needed to write a purge article to express my annoyance and hopefully hear from both sides of this debate to see if I’m just a cynical spinster or justified jury of one on this. Is it okay to post “Look at us!” posts of your relationship on facebook?

Yes, I know I can delete friends or hide their posts. Yes, I can skim over their crap on my news feed or hell get rid of facebook altogether. No, I don’t want to take those options. What I WANT is to use facebook unfettered and REALLY, what I want is for my friends to realize how awful the cutesy shit is. I don’t want to band-aid the concern by putting on blinders because I still know that I’m friends with people (whom I trust and love and respect… ish) who think that posting: “How freaking hot are we?” is acceptable on a public shot of the couple making out in the middle of a club. I can’t imagine what runs through my friends’ mind when tagging self-snapped pics of them hugging their man in front of the bathroom mirror and declaring themselves “World’s Hottest Couple“. Do they think this post might actually WIN them said title and that they’ll be receiving a mug in the mail from the general public? Are they under the impression that enough likes on a tag and photo like that will increase their “couple cuteness”? They won’t and it won’t. It just looks desperate.

I have this theory, that if you cut off all her hair she’d look like a British man. that the amount that couples post publicly is inversely related to the amount of time they’ll be together and of course the amount of security they have in themselves as a pair. WHOA, before you rush down to the bottom of the page to post that you and yours have been together for ten years and post a heart on each other’s walls each day DO know that no law or rule is without exception and this rule is no exception to having an exception 😉 Absolutely, there are thousands upon thousands that do exactly what annoys me and live happy lives of love with their partner. But, think back, how many of your dopey head-over-heel falling friends seem to need to blast it to the world the second they’ve made it past a second date and are SURE “this is the one”. Particularly gay couples: they’re the WORST. Do you realize how many gay relationships end, 99.99% of all of them: fact. Sure, lots of you will ultimately end up with the one, but how many not-the-ones did you run through getting there and how many times did you announce to the world (possibly through facebook) that you two were “gonna be together forever!” Do the math and check yourself before you change that profile pic 😉

I have no problem throwing fellow writer Nic under the bus here (mostly because I know he doesn’t read my posts!) as I describe one of his past facebook relationships (as that’s what I refer to these supposed efforts at love when they end up being all about posts and tags and updates on fb) as one of the grossest I’ve ever seen. It was “miss you’s” throughout the day; heart and kiss face emoticons (before you could just press the button on your iphone.. back when you had to type the coding!); and, japanese girl photo booth pictures of them surrounded by a pink border and pictures of what I can only assume was Sailor Moon swooning over Tuxedo Mask. What it WAS, was AMAZING fodder for a year after the fact (to the anniversary’s exact day mind you!) for his friends and of course yours truly to repost and comment on as he’d left up the rococo monstrosities for all online world to “adore”. The posts- particularly after the fact- reeked of such oblivion-seeking desperation that one could only imagine there must have been no time for real conversation or fights in the “relationship” if one’s time was spent so fiercely updating demonstrative shots of their “shared love.” Blech.

I cannot imagine the impetus for these posts. Do you not have text messaging on your phone? Does your boyfriend have no idea how to access his private messages on fb? Are you trying to prove to the kids from your high school still on your friend list that you CAN in fact get a date? (wait, that last one might be it…). Still, I can hear the other side of this argument calling: who does it hurt? why do you care? Well, honestly, it doesn’t HURT anybody, but it can annoy the fuck out of people. I liken these posts to PDA: in public a kiss between boyfriends or holding of hands is a simple and sweet example of care… two guys going at it and moaning “how much does everyone want to make out with us at this bar?” is sick. Further, PDA in real life is spontaneous, it’s the only venue you have short of running into the bushes to share a hug- public posts aren’t necessary and tell more about what’s going wrong than what’s going right between you two.

Fair enough, maybe you had a fight the night before in front of your friends and you want everyone to know you’re all better (personally, I’d message close friends one on one but oh well); maybe you think you really are the “god damn hottest two guys on earth”; maybe you just honey badger the whole thing and just don’t give a shit. Totally valid the lot of them. But, do realize that it can very easily come across as douchey and desperate and give friends reason to question just how things are really going for the two of you.

Finally, what I find most hilarious about this phenomenon is how quickly “my side” of the debate turns the minute they squeeze out a third date with someone new. That it’s less a lack of annoyance with the desperation of their friends and more out of starvation for their own partner that causes people to bitch about this one. Call you friends on their shit I say! I’ve been STAUNCH on this issue to say the least and while I haven’t made it to a third date with many men (full, depressing disclosure here haha) I have each time made the decision to NOT flip-flop and tell my fb community that “I got one!”. Stay strong and leave the douchiness where it belongs: with straight guys falling out of night clubs at 4 in the morning- we’re better than this, gays!

  • Jeremy

    I agree 100%

  • JC

    Adam, when you get a boyfriend, you’ll end up doing the same thing. So, it might not be wise to write this, because you’ll end up eating your words.

  • Zappa!

    The key thing for me is that most of the relationship should be spent in person.

    I guess if couples wanna brag, so be it! But it’s kind of neurotic… But let’s be real here, Facebook these days is mostly neurotic/about showing off… whether it’s a new job, what you’ve eaten for dinner, etc.

    Not gonna lie, while I’d be the first to roll my eyes… Would I be the same when I finally have my guy?????? I hope not…

    PS: your PDA/text messaging bit = REAL TALK! Hah!

  • Jeremy – good to hear another annoyed member ha!
    JC – I’ve pretty much assured I CAN’T by writing this article which is great because I never at all intend to. That said, some of the FUNNIEST posts I find are from guys who have been dating for a hot minute and feel “it’s the one” and of course i’ve dated in the past and would never ever consider posting anything mentioned in the above post. Hell, my closest friends know I don’t even like ADDING the guy i’m seeing to my facebook let alone wall posting them or god for B posting cutesy shit ha.

  • JC – I DO appreciate your vote of confidence I’ll ever have a bf though hahah.

  • Zappa! – I think a lot of the “complainers” in our corner hope they don’t convert when the relationship status changes ha. Stay strong 😉 I really agree with you that fb is often a bragging machine through status posts so I would ask how appropriate is it to write: “I’m making 1000,000$ a year!! Fuck I’m rich”. It’s not. So don’t do the same with your relationship !

  • JC

    This will sound sentimental, but I think it is cute when people celebrate their love.

    Okay, I do feel a tad twinge of jealously considering that I’m also perpetually single. But hey, if other people are happy, why shouldn’t they shout it off the roof tops.

    A few years ago, my co-worker said to me exactly what I’m writing now. After complaining about how sickly sweet the couples were online, she said that I’ll probably do the same thing when I fall in love and my cynical, crabby 60 year old mind in a 28 year old body, will turn into a gushing 15 year old teenager..

    To which I promptly shut my trap.

  • rui asterisco

    i find it so anoying i can’t even bring myself to read more than the first paragrah of your text

  • Geo

    I agree with most of this except the one statement “Well, honestly, it doesn’t HURT anybody, but it can annoy the fuck out of people.” actually it CAN and DOES hurt people. Like the friend who’s 5 year relationship just ended, who’s been struggling not to become bitter. Or the friend who never had a real relationship. Or the friend who’s partner died in a car crash, so while yes it is annoying, far worse (IMO) is the insensitivity toward other people who haven’t and may never find “the one”. Personally, I’ve been on both sides, the cutesy one posting stupid crap and the guy who just broke up with someone reading someone else’s cutsey crap. From these experiences I learned one simple lesson; ‘just don’t’.

  • Rui – thank god for the “end” button eh?
    Geo – fair enough. Haven’t been there myself but that’s certainly a valid and hard place to be in. Just don’t seems a pretty viable and safe option for sure.

  • Rob

    Ummm, how about the fact that kissing photos are just NEVER flattering. If you’re gonna take a kissing selfie you’re gonna look gross. Period.

  • Belladonna

    If anyone Straight or Gay has time to care about people being as you say @Donovan douchey and desperate lol then you have way to much time on your hands lol I just hope people who are Brave Enough to show there love pay people like your no mind.lol And Who in 2013 goes on there Facebook page if you don’t have a Big or small Company or trying to keep up with old High School friends & Family?lol It’s all about Twitter,Tumblr & Instagram……..Gurllll. Lol

  • Belladonna

    Oh sh*t @Donovan didn’t write this LOL to Funnyyyy!!! I like never see any of the others hardly ever post or they just dont when I’m on here so I just thought it was @Donovan, I should have known it wasn’t him when I saw Facebook! Lol Sorry @Adam But what I said still stands. Lol

  • Ryan

    For me it just depends on the friend making the cutesy posts. If I know the friend’s relationship has been genuinely going well then I enjoy being aware of it. I only get annoyed by friends who tend to have a cycle of rushing into relationship, burning out quickly, breaking up, then seeking sympathy from everyone around them. In person I don’t think twice about saying, “I’m not interested in hearing your cycle of relationship self sabotage AGAIN.” However on Facebook you either ignore the posts, or get assailed by your friend’s friends defending his/her poor judgement if you make bluntly honest comments on cutesy yet hollow posts.

  • Pat L

    And that’s why there is Instagram or Tumblr. Facebook was once a great idea, for college kids, until it became a massive popularity machine for everyone to judge each other or showoff something completely irrelevant. Personally, I think FB is an emotional hazard and teaches a person to always choke on someone’s opinion and compare their seemingly dull life to someone’s supposedly amazing life. Or vice versa. Same can be said for Tumblr or Instagram, but it’s not so “in your face with a grand description” thing. Why people care I have no clue, but Geo said it best; “Just don’t”.

  • Jason Jones

    I don’t understand the point of writing such articles, what a waste 3 min I won’t get back. So Much Judgemant, Wow!

  • Adam

    Ryan – HAH! I love the in person honest approach. I do the same with select friends… others are a bit too fragile or reactive to hear that but good on you. You’re absolutely right you can ignore things on fb as they pop up there’s just so many times I can roll my eyes at the self sabotagers before my anger gets the best of me and i post something bitchy on the picture/post ha.

    Pat – Sadly, the facebook “my life vs. yours” is very much apparent with boastful posts as the new norm to outdo everyone. While it may seem prehistoric to not make use of tumblr and instagram- i really don’t need MORE pictures and posts in my life than FB provides. I HAVE to (basically) use fb as an organizer for my life and events so it’s a necessary evil that I admittedly enjoy as a tool to connect with friends but adding the extra apps and social media tools aforementioned is TOO much and I definitely dont have time for that 😉

  • It comes from needing public approval and being completely insecure in your own skin. NEEDING people to see how much better you’re doing than you were before. It’s ridiculous and it needs to stops.

  • Kyle

    yeah it’s gross. honestly. if you’re that in love show it to your BF, not the world in some desperate attempt for approval just like tommy said. Anniversaries (annual ones, not “omg, 3.5 weeks!”) are ok for a lil’ expression but don’t be over the top about it. I’ve been dating the same guy on and off for 5 years… after the honeymoon phase you’re over it anyway.

  • Tommy – I LOVE your passion about this.. the only thing better than when we disagree is when we don’t ha.

    Kyle – Totally agree and really like your general “it’s been five years… meh” ending ha. It does seem like a LOT of needless energy to spend just to have EVERYone else see what you’re doing.