OUTtv original series Don’t Quit Your Gay Job debuted across Canada last night and with fanfare at 1181, Vancouver’s premier lounge in the gaybourhood. Vancouver local boys Rob Easton (CBC reporter) and Sean Horlor (Xtra.ca blogger and author) star in this reality show which pits the best friends against each other as they try their hands learning stereotypical gay jobs. Once fully trained, the two do their best to implement their newly acquired skills and complete the task at hand only to be judged by the experts. At the end of each episode one of the friends is declared a winner while the other receives a big ol red X on the scorecard.

In the premiere episode, the boys try their hand at their first stereotypical gay job- Bus Driver. Say what??? how is driving a bus a typical gay job? It confused the heck out of me until they explained it all with just one word, LESBIAN. Ah, now it all make sense. Before getting behind the bus and putting the lives of all Vancouverites at stake, Rob & Sean must pass a test to obtain a Class 2 learner’s permit from ICBC to operate the vehicle. Unfortunately one of them fails the test while the other one does a “happy dance”. Poor Mr. Easton has to come back the next day and retake the test- luckily for him he passes on the second attempt. How embarassing would’ve it been if he failed a second time? Eeks. Complete with a yellow permit in tow we follow the boys to Coast Mountain Bus Company where we meet their trainers, Andrea & Trev.

Andrea & Trev explain that finding great customer service skills is of the utmost importance when recruiting new drivers because they feel they can teach anyone how to drive a 40 foot bus. I wonder if they want to recant those words after meeting this duo. After going through a brief synopsis of the training schedule, Rob & Sean are whisked off to get outfitted for uniforms. Lynda, the company’s uniform consultant… (insert car screeching sound effect) hold up, I need to quickly rant about this. Uniform consultant? Really? It’s not like they have a choice in attire. You grab a shirt (long sleeve or short), a pair of shorts and a clip-on tie. How friggin’ hard is that? LMAO. I wonder how much being a uniform consultant pays, sign me up cuz it sounds like an easy gig. Okay, I digress. Easton looks pretty cute in his bus driver get-up while poor Horlor looks like a private school student reject. In his defense, the “uniform consultant” handed him women’s pleated shorts. I guess maybe she thought he was a lesbian.

After the commercial break, the boys get to play with some fun little machines that simulate accepting fares and printing out transfers. I may sound like a nerd here but those machines looked like fun to play with, ching ching. It reminds me of when I used to work at the bank years ago. Fun times. After some role playing (get your mind out of the gutter), some in class instruction, and philosophizing by Sean- “Is life a bus? Would you be worried about driving life?”- the boys finally get behind the wheel. Within a minute and a half, we hear a crashing sound. The victim? A poor defenseless van side view mirror courtesy of Sean. The damage was minimal at best so Sean continues with his on road training. Rob then decides it’s a good idea to play a practical joke on a visibly shaken Sean. While conducting the most difficult part of driving a bus- the right hand turn, Rob fakes a crashing sound. Sean wonders what he hits this time but then quickly realizes Rob’s pranks and tells him to “fuck off”. LMAO. Once the boys finish driving their bus, Trev tells the camera they did fairly well but no one stands out from the other as of yet. Personally, I think they did well considering they were driving during Friday afternoon rush hour on one of Vancouver’s busiest and narrowest street. Sean and Rob now have a couple of days to reflect on their training before they compete in The Bus Rodeo.

The Bus Rodeo is an obstacle course where drivers test their close-corner driving skills while maneuvering through placed pylons. The day of reckoning arrives and the boys are surprised that they’re even allowed back on the bus lot again considering the bumps and crashes the previous day. As Sean puts it, West Coast Mountain is a glutton for punishment. Next we see Media Relations Manager, Derek, who states that the boys will be competing with seasoned bus drivers who’ve been driving for many years and compete on the “Bus Rodeo” international circuit regularly. Who knew there was a circuit and international circuit at that. You learn something new everyday. Despite being trained for only six hours, the boys take their individual stabs on the course. Sean is the first one to go. During his run, he accidentally turns on the heater instead of his flashers, runs over a pipe while backing up and hits a grand total 10 obstacles. Next up, Rob does mildly better with only hitting 7 obstacles but does a much better job backing in- guess we know who’s a bottom… WINK.

The experts, Trev, Andrea and Derek, then weigh in and conduct their deliberations on who did a better job overall in a vintage bus. Random. All admit they did a good job and looked great in the uniforms- even suggesting they should become models for the company. Both have pros and cons but in the end, Rob is declared the winner for this episode. Congrats Rob.

Normally when watching reality competition TV, I never agree with the winner but in this case I totally agree. Rob did a much better job at this task. Being a public transit user himself, Rob had the upper hand with the “product knowledge” portion.

Donovan’s Report Card

Rob Easton: A-. Could’ve been an A but you failed the test the first time. Only special people fail the written test.

Sean Horlor: B. You kinda hit things a lot and sun bathed while Rob was on the obstacle course.

PS. The closing credits were HI-LAR-IOUS. They showed Rob & Sean trying on LARGER sizes of the West Coast Mountain uniforms. Surprisingly, they manage to fit the both of them into a vest and a pair of shorts. Rob & Sean are both fit guys and aren’t tiny by any means. I can’t believe there are sizes that big. How can someone that big get behind a 40 foot bus and drive it. I guess that’s why they make 60 foot buses- for the bigger girls.

Here’s a promo I found on YouTube for the show. Check it out if you haven’t done so already. Don’t Quit Your Gay Job airs Mondays on OUTtv 7pm PST. Please check your local listings for specific times.

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