You may or may not have seen that episode of 30-Rock when Tina Fey’s character (Liz Lemon) writes a book called “Dealbreaker” in which she gives relationship advice to women about situations or circumstances that should would define as a “Dealbreaker.” It was absolutely hilarious. Inspired by this episode, here is a list of so called “dealbreakers” for me, or at least turn offs. They are either inspired by situations I’ve been in, or influenced by what I see in the lives of my friends.
10. Friend Ditchers
When I start hanging out / dating someone, I don’t want them to all of a sudden drop all of their friends. I want to spend time with someone that can find balance in their life, so that if things are going well they don’t cling to me – I don’t think that’s healthy. In my experience, I’ve learned that it is important to have your own life apart from your significant others. Know and act on your hobbies and interests, and value your friendships. If you screw them over, they may not be there if and when your relationship fails. Dealbreaker.
I don’t care to know how much money your condo is worth, or what brand your shirt is. Even if you are independently wealthy, I find it so much more attractive when people don’t really spend any time talking about it at all. People that do are so obviously looking for acceptance and trying to impress others by pointing out their material possessions that they don’t show who they really are. These people are more easily identifiable than they think – It’s really obvious when someone is pretentious. I want to spend my time with someone down to earth, not someone who attempts to make me feel inadequate. Dealbreaker.
8. Negative Nancys
“Woe is me.” Everyone is different, but everyone faces challenges in their day to day lives, and it’s all about your attitude in addressing and dealing with them as they arise. I believe it is a choice. Every challenge is an opportunity. The more you face life with a positive attitude, the more people want to be around you, the more favorable things that “happen”. When all you do is complain to the people around you about all of your problems, it becomes very draining on them and they will choose not to spend as much time with you. Dealbreaker.
7. Lack of Ambition
I find people that are driven and that have a passion for life to be extremely sexy. Who wouldn’t want to spend their time with someone with a thirst for life and adventure? I’m always wanting to try something new, trying to push my boundaries creatively, mentally, physically, etc. I want to be with someone that is confident and more or less comfortable in their own skin. I also want them to have the drive to take care of themselves – clean up after themselves, go to the gym regularly, eat healthy, etc. Dealbreaker.
People that think they’re the shit, are obsessed with themselves, and put others down to make themselves feel above them need not apply. Again, confidence is an extremely sexy quality, but for me it is something subtle and not something they put out their with signs and flashing lights. I would find it difficult to trust or be comfortable with someone that was overtly cocky. You ain’t all that honey! Dealbreaker.
5. Bad Drunk
I’ve had my share of times being a bad drunk and I will be the first to say it is an unattractive quality. Acting like a fool, not knowing your limit, spilling your drink, breaking things, and causing fights over stupid things. I was in a long distance relationship in which we’d only get to see each other on the weekends, which coincidently is when all your friends have parties and expect you to come, so your relationship quickly becomes affected by alcohol, resulting in a lot of stupid fights. As they say in the gambling commercials, “know your limit, play within it.” I would hate to just start hanging out with someone and bring them to a party with my friends and have them embarrass me by making a fool of themselves. Dealbreaker.
4. Text Machines
I’m totally guilty of this but I’m trying to change my ways. I find it extremely annoying when someone can’t stop checking their phone and texting people. There is something to be said for just being present in the moment you’re in with the person you’re with, avoiding all unnecessary distractions. Will the world end if I don’t reply to this text? If I turn my phone onto silent for the next few hours, will all of my friends hate me? Obviously the answer is no, so I think this is just a matter of choice. In the world we live in, we’re getting calls, tweets, Facebook messages, Facebook notifications, texts, and so on, and it’s only going to get worse. Like I said, I’m totally guilty of it, but I can say that I recognize it as a bad habit and I’m working at being more present and less reliant on my iPhone. Dealbreaker.
3. Poor Hygiene
Of course I don’t want to sound vain, but physical characteristics will always play a part in one’s attraction to another. Especially, when it is something you can control. Yellow teeth is a turn of for me. I feel like there are so many options for people to whiten their teeth that there should be no reason for someone to have uber yellow teeth because it something that can be minimized for sure, even by just brushing your teeth with something like Supersmile. It doesn’t require laser treatment or trays, just simple brushing. Body odor is of course another. I will include bad breath in this category too. Anything sort of stench that prevents you from being able to get intimate with someone should not be occurring. Shower, brush, and wear deodorant. Simple as that. Grooming is the last one. Tidy up those eyebrows a bit. I don’t mean make them look like a girls, but just control them a bit. Also, do a bit of body trimming where and if necessary. I have no problem with body hair as long as it’s not out of control. Dealbreaker.
2. Closet Cases & Homophobes
I wouldn’t say that it’s necessarily a turn off, but more so an “I’m gonna stay away from that” type of deal. Everyone is ready on their own time to come to grips with their sexuality and being open about it. That being said, it certainly will take its toll on a relationship sooner than later, so if I was looking for a relationship, someone in the closet wouldn’t work for me. They have too much of a personal journey to go on themselves for them to come into a relationship and it be fair to the other person. And, believe it or not there are some gays out there that are homophobes. That is gays that are uncomfortable hanging around other gays. They feel like they will get gayer or be seen as gayer by hanging out with them. Quite obviously this is a form of prejudice that stems from their past encounters, which equals baggage. I myself hang out with people. Gays, straights, men and women so if someone is not comfortable with one of the above, it wouldn’t work. Dealbreaker.
I don’t think I’ll have to go into depth with this one, it’s pretty common. I’ll say that I don’t actually mind the smell of smoke, but the smell of it absorbed into someone’s pores, clothes, hair and the smell of their breath and hands is absolutely revolting to me. I don’t mean to be harsh as I do recognize that it is an addiction that people struggle with, but I personally could not be intimate with someone that smelled like that on a regular basis. It also makes your teeth and finger tips yellow, and gives you smoker voice and cough which is gross on another level. Sending positive thoughts to all of those smokers out their struggling to quit or thinking about quitting again – I know you can do it! :) Dealbreaker.
WHAT IS A DEALBREAKER FOR YOU?