In my absolute mayhem of a life right now selling pride (www.TFDPresents.com/tickets) I took a couple of hours to unplug from everything and go check out the screening of Cowboys & Aliens. Well let me tell you, unplug is definitely what I did through the 2 hours of this shoot em up cowboy disaster.
The reason is ay it was a disaster is because I just didn’t get it. Now don’t get it twisted it wasn’t that it was too smart for me, it was that it didn’t have a plot. It was so bad that when I left I was like WTF WAS THAT?!?
While there are some really cool effects (I guess), I don’t I’ve ever seen a movie completely devoid of any plot whatsoever. So I’m going to give you a little synopsis about what I thought this movie was about.
James Bond (Daniel Craig) wakes up with no memory and a fierce bracelet on. He has complete amnesia but somehow has remembered how to fight and how to speak perfect english (he made a joke about it so I laughed). Then he goes to a town where he sees 13 from House (Olivia Wilde), The Last Airbender was there and he wasn’t just bad in that movie because of M. Night Shamalamadingdong, he was awful in this movie too. I think that’s just what ruined this whole thing for me, it was just that these actors did not commit to any kind of character that I just kept thinking of them from their other movies. Indiana Jones was there (Harrison Ford) and the bad guy from the first Charlie’s Angels Movie. OH and Lundy from Dexter…They all live in a village together, and aliens come out of nowhere, for apparently no reason and start lassoing the villagers. Then James Bond BLOWS THEM UP with his magic bracelet. This happens about 3 more times. And that’s about it.
Ok in all seriousness this movie is 2 hours of brainless action. Not even GOOD action because like I said there’s no real story. But if you like cowboy movies, and aliens then you’ve got a hit here. It’s like ID4 meet Wild Wild West. Except ID4 had an amazing story. I don’t know, I just can’t get over how pointless it was. The aliens aren’t even cool looking.
So skip this movie completely, Daniel Craig isn’t even hot in it…he is not aging well in my opinion.I don’t think I’ve ever given this bad of a review but there’s always a first time.
Movie Rating: 1 out of 5 stars
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