HELP – I Can’t Cook!


For those of you that know me, you know that I can’t cook. Well, I’m not sure the problem is is that I can’t cook- I just don’t. I never really got into the habit of it. My roommate Landon LOVES cooking- which works out well for me- but I just can’t seem to return the favor. When I was with my ex Jake, he also loved to cook and my favorite was his mean HOMEMADE Mac & Cheese that he used to make me the night before I’d make my trek back to Vancouver from Seattle. When I was with Jamie, we used to eat boring- but healthy- food all the time. I would say that Jamie and I are similar when it comes to cooking experience. Much of that has to do with eating a lot of vegetarian foods, as Jamie didn’t eat red meat or meat in general, for a huge chunk of our relationship.

I want to cook more. It’s good for health reasons, and I also think it’s a turn on when someone can cook. So I’m asking you:

1. What are the basics I should keep at home in terms of ingredients so that I can spice up my diet?

2. Do you have yummy, inexpensive, but health-conscious recipes that are easy to make?

As I was writing this, I started wondering, who in the Homorazzi cast can cook? I only know a few for sure, so I thought I would make my own guesses, and they can comment if I’m wrong 😉

Donovan: I know he can cook rice because if he doesn’t have his rice on a daily basis, he gets cranky [Editor’s Note: Would we say “daily” or would we say “hourly”!]. But, other than that, I’m pretty certain that Brian does all the cooking.

Brian: Whenever I’m over at Brian & Donovan’s, Brian seems to be in charge of the kitchen- and more often than not Donovan has to ask him where to find things in there. I’ve had some of his cooking and he seems to enjoy it and definitely knows what he’s doing.

Jonny: I’ve never been over to Jonny’s for dinner, so I’m not sure. He’s doing a detox cleanse right now (which I believe if I ignore Saturday night’s drinks!) and from what I know of him, I think he would take the time to make a nice healthy dinner- but, I do think he is the type who would prefer to be cooked for. Like me 🙂

Redd: Hmm, again I haven’t seen him cook. I think he’s more of a protein shake kinda guy so it’s hard to say. Yup, I’m gonna go with that as I my guess: Redd can’t cook.

Tommy D: I think Tommy couldn’t be bothered to cook something- too much of a nuisance. More of a quick meal type of guy, rather than someone who enjoys the process of cooking. I can relate- I seriously feel like I don’t have time to rinse and chop up a bunch of vegetables! Plus, considering the deal he made via facebook status recently over learning to “make an egg”… I think i’m dead on with my guess here!

Kevin: I have a suspicion that he likes to cook. He and Stephen seem like a “let’s go to the market and get some fresh ingredients and stay in a cook a delicious meal together” kind of couple.

Stephen: As mentioned above, I think he can cook. He carries a sophistication about him, so I think it was something he may have been raised with.

Topher: He’s a vegetarian. I think he probably eats the same things over and over. Soy, Tofu, Pasta, repeat. Don’t get me wrong, I think you can create some tasty vegetarian dishes- I just don’t think he does.

Saleem: Nope. Don’t think he can cook.

Dan: Hmm. This is a tricky one. My guess is that he can make some tasty dishes, but they’re the same ones over and over. Let’s go with that.

Rich: I think he can cook. Rich seems like he has a routine going on and I’m gonna bet he does set aside the time to cook something worth eating.

Adam: Well, first of all, it doesn’t even look like he eats anything. Aside from that, I know for a fact he doesn’t cook and that his mom & dad makes his meals. If left up to him, he would only ever eat leftover Mongolie Grill or seven layer dip.

Jamie: As mentioned above, he eats the same things over again: he’s a very plain and very picky eater. Thus, this effects what options he gives himself.

Jake: Yup, he can cook. He often told me he would rather spend money getting good food, than spending it on things like going out, etc. We always went to the best markets and make some pretty nice meals together- no thanks to me!

Landon: “Landon, what smells so good?” Thats me drooling over whatever Landon is cooking at the moment. He loves to eat, loves to cook, and luckily loves to cook for others! Woohoo!

Dave: I know he and his bf, Paul take the time to cook a lot but I’m fairly certain Paul’s the cook in that relationship. I’ve had some of his cooking too: delicious!

Back to my point: send me some tips & recipes for what works for you by commenting on this story!

  • umm. i can cook KD mac & cheese as well and the colonel is my bff

  • Your memory sucks patty. 2 years ago in Whistler I cooked Lasagna and Minestrone soup for everyone. I forgive you.

  • who cooked the charcoal burnt steaks?

  • matintin

    If you can cook a stir fr, you can make a thai curry that is so much more satisfying.

    Make rice in rice cooker. When it flips to “warm”, give it a stir. For a thai curry, you want to be using jasmine scented rice.

    Get the curry paste and the coconut milk from T&T, mix and heat in a frying pan. (Q: “How much?” A: “Enough, duh.”)

    Add meat, then veg. Should be cooked through in 15 minutes, tops – the same 15 minutes that your rice should sit on “warm” in the cooker.

  • Although I hate tofu, you’re pretty much spot on. Nachos, pasta, scrambled eggs, repeat

  • Boring? You ingrate!

  • Patrick – you’re dead on with Stephen and I! We love to go to the market, buy some fresh produce and come home to cook up a storm! We definitely have some recipes for you too… Turkey Chili (this one is REALLY healthy) and some great pasta dishes for sure.

  • I cook sometimes… nothing complicated. However, my bf really likes to cook and he’s very good at it. I tend to leave the kitchen to him. I do the dishes and the laundry though. But you are right Patrick, we do have a pretty good routine.

  • Ryan

    Good cooks are abundant… It’s in the genes for me – it really helps when your dad caters for a living. I have tons of chicken dishes up my sleeve, the majority of which are healthy and a few that are devilishly bad.

  • Jason

    I just asked my husband – the consummate chef – what must haves are always in his kitchen… his reply:

    * garlic
    * tomatoes
    * olive oil
    * good salt
    * lemons
    * fresh basil
    * fresh thyme
    * quality butter
    * seasonal vegetables
    * fresh pasta
    * organic, local meats

    He’s setting up a blog for his soon-to-be restaurant that will have all kinds of recipes… I’ll pass it along once it’s set up!

    (I’m so spoiled… in the 6 years we have been together I cooked *once* – it was a southwestern lasagne and he helped… haha.)

  • Dan

    You’re spot on Patrick! You haven’t lived until you’ve tasted the famous Culic spaghetti!!

    Thank goodness I have Joel to cook amazing meals!

  • Actually I really like the Culic Special Spaghetti.

    Try pulling a “Mrs. Doubtfire”, order out and dish it on your own plates. Voila! You can cook baby!

    Shhhhh! Don’t tell my secret 😉

  • Dave

    Paul and I do both cook. We do lots of cooking together but as I said, I’m bossy in the kitchen.

  • Stephen

    Haha awseome post Patrick; I love that you pigeonholed everyone and pretty much succeeded!

    It’s true, I love going out, buying fresh ingredients, and cooking up a storm when I have the time. But often I don’t, so it’s good to do a big shop at the beginning of the week and have an idea of what you want to make so you have it on-hand.

    As for food staples, mine are olive oil, balsamic, white and wine vinegars, dijon mustard, and Italian and Greek spice mixes. These combos can create everything marinades, to pasta sauces, to salad dressings from scratch.

    If you are interested in getting some new recipes, Kevin and I have a few good ones we can share! Happy Cooking Patrick!

  • Dan

    Thanks Jonny! I keep a few special ingredients that I serve just for you. 😉

  • dave. you’re bossy everywhere and not just the kitchen

  • A) Patrick, I love that you took an actual picture of the inside of our fridge.

    B) You shouldn’t have told everyone that I love to cook because now everyone will think that I should invite them to dinner.

    C) You forgot to mention that you can cook…it just always comes out of a blender in liquid form 🙂