I like to think that I’m not a competitive person, but some things make me believe I’m delusional. I played competitive sports all through my adolescent life. Growing up in small town Ontario, it’s expected of you, and really, what else are you going to do. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed them, but there were certain aspects that spoiled my feelings towards them. Being from a small town, meant that there was a lot of travelling for games and competitions/tournaments. It can really consume all your evenings, weekends and even holidays. I would actually opt to go on family holidays rather than play in tournaments which pissed off my teammates. There were also the overly pushy parents who cared more about winning than their kids having fun. I guess there are many things I could rhyme off, but I’ll cut to the chase. I personally just don’t like the personal pressure I feel to perform for my team. If you miss the ball, a pass, screw up in any way, you really feel you let your team down. Now I know this creates part of the excitement for people, but I just hate it. I’m hard enough on myself as it is. I don’t need the added pressure.

I have convinced myself that I really just don’t like competitive sports. I also don’t want to participate in team sports in general, even if they are just for fun. I don’t know whether it’s because of the same pressure aspect, or whether I just don’t like to commit. But trust me, this doesn’t mean that I’m not competitive.

I always strive to push the same weight as others at the gym. I get jealous of people with bigger legs, chest, arms, everything and anything. When running, I always speed up when others are around. I do the running one subconsciously and it’s actually quite annoying. I also feel the need to drink drinks as fast as my boyfriend. He really downs them, but I can’t let him have more than me. I even make him compare wine glasses after a pour to make sure he doesn’t take more (I’m convinced he purposely takes more and it’s not by accident).

I think I’m a little bit crazy. I don’t know, is this common for everyone? Is that just human nature?