I Never Came ‘OUT’ Technically


I never really came out. I was basically yanked out of the closet by my mother one day by asking me indirectly if I was gay. Which I really didn’t have a problem with since I wasn’t intending to come out anyhow. What I was didn’t affect my relationship with my family or my feeling of acceptance.

I was raised a born-again christian most of my life and internally I battled with coming out. My issues were not really so much about what other people thought but what I personally believed was right (ok maybe a little of what people thought but that was secondary). Religion and my beliefs made this battle difficult. Everything I realized that I was, was everything my religion told me was wrong and immoral. Through the years my beliefs have changed…I began to question religion and the many loopholes it had. I mean seriously….if God loves everyone, how come these religious people say he doesn’t love gays? Since when did the word ‘everyone’ have an exception…isn’t that the point of the word is that it encompasses all?

I lived in the Philippines til the age of 18 until my mother decided to pack up and move to Vancouver with my 2 other siblings. The Philippines is predominantly Catholic and ‘coming out’ in this country is very difficult. They think that all gay people are women trapped in men’s bodies. Personally I like being a guy and would not have it any other way. So even if I knew I was gay at 18….I stayed in the closet for fear of being persecuted by friends, family and society.

After several years of living in Vancouver, I eventually moved out of the nest and moved in with my 4th boyfriend at that time. One day while I was talking to my mother on the phone she asked me “Are you dating the guy you’re living with?”…at that point I no longer cared and I just said YES!

Because my family is still hardcore Bible thumpers they still don’t quite know how to approach the topic of homosexuality….my mother once said, “I love you  and you are still my son but I do not approve of the lifestyle”. Now to many of you this wouldn’t be enough but for me it doesn’t really matter whether she approved of my lifestyle or not. The fact is that she loves me and that’s all that matters to me.

So I was outed by my mother….mother’s always seem to know!

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  • Update: I just came out to one of my highschool friends today who now lives in San Fran. She is here visiting and I thought this would be a a perfect opportunity to take steps into fusing together my old life with my present one.

  • dystopian

    This is the first “coming out” story that truly mirrors what I’m going through because I’m from a strong Christian background and every time I feel condemned just for being me. My mom asked me if I was gay years ago [and I was dating a girl at the time!] and I denied it. Currently I’m only out to a church member because I felt I would break down if I didn’t tell someone.
    Kudos to you for finally accepting yourself
    Maybe someday I will get to that point.

  • Hi Dystopian… glad you can relate to my story. Just don’t forget that what’s most important is your personal relationship with god. Religion is funny in that it picks and chooses what to believe in and there are far too many contradictions. Don’t let it define you because it is only a small part of who you are.

    I’ll send you a message over email if you have any questions. 🙂
    I know it’s not easy and having someone that’s gone through something similar to talk to helps.