So I was recently encouraged by fellow cast member Patrick to write a Behind The Cast for myself. I never really thought of doing it because I didn’t feel like it went with Homorazzi but seeing as Patrick thought it would be a good idea, here I am! This is a coming out story of sorts (and here I was thinking I’d been there, done that). I recently started filling people in that I’m a psychic. I’ve been doing it for quite a while on a small scale for friends and family mostly but also through referrals. I came out in a big way just recently when I did a big post on my personal blog, Discovering Your Truth, about my psychic work. That post got the most hits my site has ever gotten in one single day so I knew something was about to change in my life. All of a sudden all of my friends and co-workers wanted to book sessions with me and I have been booked solid for the past few weeks. It’s crazy! I was so scared about being ridiculed or criticized by my friends and co-workers but it has been the complete opposite. I guess I should have learnt from my coming out that it would be a good thing (as my was very positive and supportive) but I still had that fear in me. Now talking about it on here is an even BIGGER step because I know what our numbers are for this site and trust me, they are A LOT bigger than my little personal blog. I know that I’m putting myself out there to be mocked and questioned and have my confidence shaken but after Patrick’s little message to me I took that as a sign to just get over my fears and do it.
To many of us are living our lives for other people or in fear of what other people will think about us. As gay men we already know what it’s like to be fearful of being “different” and many of us have already dealt with some of the harsh realities of coming out. I now realize that my playing small about who I am and what I can do was helping no one and as one of my life focuses is on helping others that wasn’t cutting the bread any more. I find that a lot of people are very complacent in their lives the way they are, they don’t want to “rock the boat” so to speak so they keep a lot of who they are on the inside. This goes for everyone out there. So many people are afraid of trying new things, saying what they really think, make a change in their life because they think the people closest to them will in some way make them feel bad about their choice. And you know what, I don’t blame them, you know why? Because so many of us reinforce this horrible habit of trying to knock other people down when they need us to life them up the most. Why is it that when someone achieves something great or has an awesome idea to do something there is always that people who tells them “Oh that’s great but I think you should play it safe and…” and it’s always because they “love” us.
I’m so grateful that my Mom was the type of person who no matter what crazy idea I had she always told me that I could do and be anything I wanted and achieve any hight. I feel that especially in the gay community there is way too much “crabs in the bucket” syndrome that goes around. Everything someone tried to crawl out of the bucket someone is there to pull them back down and remind them who they “should” be and not who they want to be. I challenge you to take note for the next few days on conversations you have and they responses people give each other and see how positive or negative the people around you are. Are they constantly giving you kudos or pulling you down? On a daily bases I make it my goal to bring people up and have even done tests to prove my theories. My current work apparently was a very negative place before I came alone (so says a few employees). Since I have injected my positive attitude people have came up to me to tell me how grateful they are every time I come on shift because they know they are going to have an amazing shift simply cause they know I’m there to make them smile. I also give hugs to everyone who wants one the moment I start and people have come to depend on them and actually get upset when they don’t get one right away. I wish I had a magic answer for you as to how you can do this but there is none. My only answer is that I made a decision and choice to be a positive person and no matter how negative someone is being towards me to let it slid off my back and keep going. It’s easy to play into the drama, but it’s so very hard to be the only positive one in a group of Negative Nancy’s but it can be done. You just have to be willing to make the choice to do it.
So a lot of what I just spoke about was a lot of my reasoning for staying quite for so long about what I did. But I now realize that if I’m going to live my best life and my most fulfilling and happy life I have to just be honest. Did it scare me to write this? SURE DID! Now all of you in Internet land get to judge me all you want but that doesn’t matter. One of my favourite new lessons I learnt was that al people feel fear, it’s normal, but to feel the fear and do it anyway! If you always listen to fear you will always be where you are, and I don’t know about you but I want to constantly be moving forward in my life. Now I leave you with an awesome quote:
“Rip off your rear view mirror! If you’re going to the front it doesn’t matter what’s going on behind you!” – Anonymous