Previously on Canada’s Next Top Model… the girls couldn’t pronounce Chanel or Dior, Rebeccah was a woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown and Tara got the boot. Only 6 wannabes remain. Who will get eliminated tonight?

First things first. This ep was gold. Platinum even. This shit was fo shizzle. So many amazeballs quotes, one liners and overall top modeling that puts Tyrant and her ANTM nonsense to shame. You have been warned.

We start out in the limo with the girls mourning Tara’s loss. I on the other hand could not give a rat’s ass. I’ve moved on. The girls do too when they get Jay Mail. It’s all about spotlights and being spot on and on the spot… was there a feminine hygiene commercial going on that I missed? What’s with all the spots?

Turns out Jay Mail is not a set up for a MaxiPad commercial, but a lesson with DAN AND JESSI FROM MTV’S AFTERSHOW. OMG. I’M WRITING IN CAPITALS BECAUSE DONOVAN LOVES THE AFTERSHOW AND DAN IS IN LOVE WITH DAN AND I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD BE YELLING. Sorry.

Dan (he is super cute by the way) and Jessi throw some curve ball questions at the girls and give them tips on how to field media questions. This is like what I so do for a living so I’m so taking notes right now. For reals.

“Always remember what it is you’re promoting”. Thanks Jessi. I forgot that models are all dumb.

“Master the art of redirection”. Way to go Dan. Teach the girls how to spin better than Perez Hilton after dropping the “faggot” bomb all over Will.I.AM and then getting his lights knocked out. Fierce.

“Nothing is ever off the record”. True story Dan. And that is why none of us Homorazzi bloggers will ever run for political office. If they do, I’m the first one to sell off their sex tape. You know who you are.

The Dan and Jessi hour actually revealed a lot about the girls. Maryam just doesn’t get it. Ever. Meaghan has a sense of humor. Her whole “I’m addicted to cocaine and my boyfriend cheated on me with my sister” line is one of the best Top Model quotes ever. Right up there with, “bitch poured beer on my weave”.

Not to be out done, Rebeccah revealed that she is a total Lesbian. That’s right folks. The awkward tomboy is a lesbian. Huh. Didn’t see that one coming.

Jeanne Beker then showed up to take the girls on a little field trip for their challenge. They’re off to Toronto’s LG Fashion Week! Shut the front door! Beat that Tyrant! I bet you couldn’t get your ANTM wannabes within a mile of a real fashion show!

The girls are then thrust into the media spotlight to face down interviews from none other than MuchMusic Video on Trial and OutTV staple Trevor Boris. Love him! I saw him once at a bar in Toronto and he soooooo didn’t give me the time of day. The nerve! He’s not even my type… I just wanted to Z List fame whore for a while. Sigh.

Once again, the interviews offered up some interesting tidbits about the girls. Turns out that Linsay is super smart and Heather is super dumb. Rebeccah the lesbian is ok looking like a naughty lesbian librarian and she can deliver a wicked punch line when confronted about looking like a naught lesbian librarian. “I’ll teach you to put a bookmark in my pages”. BRILLIANT. Long live the naughty lesbian librarian!

What about Nikita you ask? She ended up winning the challenge even though my boyfriend Riley says she has “inner confidence issues, hence the showiness”. Much like Perez Hilton and his 10 minute whale wail to his webcam. Nikita’s prize was FOUR GRAND to spend at Holt Renfrew with a personal shopper. Jealous.

Time for a few awesome random quotes from the ep that don’t fit anywhere else. Nikita: “I have balls, so it’s great”. Meaghan: “I have to douche my eye ball”. Jeanne: “Fashion waits for no one”. Nikita again: “PS, we all went to Fashion Week with Jeanne FUCKING Beker tonight!” Love it.

Finally, after all of this genius television, we get to the photo shoot. Yasmin is there to show the girls how to rock it out. This time, they have to pose in pairs amongst a whole bunch of extras with their brand new LG phones. I wish we got some more shots of the guys. Yummers.

Anyways, here’s the rundown of the shoot. To check out the CNTM Cycle 3 photo gallery, click here.

Nikita and Rebeccah
Nikita looks like a slutty prom date from 1993, but she’s doing a lot better than Rebeccah. The fresh out of the closet beauty looks more like a twink from a bad Macaulay Culkin movie than a fierce model. It’s a battle of ugly pretty versus pretty ugly and Nikita won. Or is that lost. Huh? Whatever. Nikita kicked Rebeccah’s ass.

Maryam and Linsay
I really wanted Linsay to do well, but she looks twisted and over the top. Maryam looks really cute, even if it is more Gossip Girl than Top Model.

Meaghan and Heather
It’s the battle of the blondes and this time Meaghan takes it. Hands down. Hot. She owned the pose, the face, the dress and the phone. Well done. Heather for the first time this cycle fell flat.

At panel, Dan Levi and his bushy eyebrows joined as a guest judge, Heather almost fell flat on her face again and too many girls seemed to forget their heels at home. What is up with all the flats!

Meaghan was called first and once again I totally agree. Maryam, Nikita and Heather all made it to safety leaving Rebeccah and Linsay in the bottom 2 with Rebeccah getting the boot. I think the judges made the right call. Five in a row!

Related Stories:
• Canada’s Next Top Model Cycle 3: Episode 4 Recap”
• Canada’s Next Top Model Cycle 3: Episode 3 Recap”
• CNTM: Mike Ruiz Interview

(No Ratings Yet)