Previously on Canada’s Next Top Model, Nikita was the villain, Maryam was left behind without a passport and Ebonie’s fuglyness got the boot. Now, only 7 girls remain. Who will be the loser tonight?

Before we get to the recap, can we discuss the opening credits? Wouldn’t it be nice if they did them like Survivor and cut the cast-offs out? That way we wouldn’t have to see Jill’s roots or Ebonie’s chin. Sigh.

The episode starts off with another round of blah blah confessionals. The girls attack Maryam for a while for not having her passport and then Rebeccah kicks in with some sobbing. I’m not sure who she was talking to because my boyfriend was making barfing sounds. Something about, “I love you two” “you three” “you four” “I love you more”. Ugh. Barf is right.

Side note… don’t watch “Eating Out” on DVR while trying to do Top Model recaps. There is too much gay cheese to concentrate. The weird ugly cable girl with the dildo just walked in on dinner. Fag tag sounds fun.

Back to the recap. The first Jay Mail has the girls heading to an auditorium to meet up with Hottie McHotterson Mike Ruiz and real model Irina Imissedherlastname. This challenge is all about charisma. The girls have to rock some burlap sacs and read a monologue about fashion. Even before we start the excuses are FLYING. Dyslexia, social disorders, anxiety, ESL! Cleary we are about to get some epic fails. Where did they find these wannabes?

Heather and her squeaky voice actually did pretty well. She won, but the competition was not fierce. The rest of the girls totally fucked it all up. They couldn’t pronounce half of the designers’ names. “Channel” and “Dyer”? WTF. Did you mean ”Chanel and Dior” sweetie? Thought so.

After the challenge, the girls head back home and discover their beds have all been moved into one room. Phew. I was wondering where the producer induced dramz was gonna come from. Nikita came through and refused to have her bed beside Rebeccah’s bed. Ugh. Move on ladies. Move on.

The next day, the girls pit stop for a product placement skin consult that is hardly worth mentioning on the way to the photo shoot. Nole lets them know that this week is beauty shot week. I LOVE beauty shot week. They are all getting extreme makeup and hair with duct tape on their mouths. The challenge is all in the eyes. Smile with your eyes bitches! Strike that… more like smolder. Smolder with your eyes bitches!

Overall, the shoot was weird. The creative was awesome, but the girls all seemed flat. Rebeccah had a total meltdown. She had a full on panic attack and cried in the corner FOREVER. Despite the odd energy between the photographer, models and Nole, the shots almost all look great.

Here’s the rundown of the shoot. To check out the CNTM Cycle 3 photo gallery, click here.

Heather
Mike Ruiz used the word “ethereal”. I have to agree. Another beautiful shot from Heather. Very soft and striking all at the same time.

Nikita
Pretty classy. Her cheek bones can do no wrong. Very strong.

Linsay
Fanfuckingtastic. I love this photo. Her eyes look beautiful popping out of that makeup. Mike Ruiz, in my first hate-on for him, said she looked too catalogue. I totally disagree. The pose may be basic model, but I LOVE this photo.

Rebeccah
She may have sobbed her way through the whole episode, but she delivered another good shot. A little too much of what we’ve seen before, but it’s still good.

Tara
Meh. Kinda blah. I didn’t like the makeup and I don’t think she was inspired by it either.

Maryam
Gorgeous. Love this photo. Great look in the face, but she also used her body. Definitely a frontrunner.

Meaghan
Thankfully the duct tape is covering up her braces. I thought they were getting rid of those! She looks a lot like Heather in this photo… which is a good thing!

At panel, Irina Istillcannotrememberherlastname is the guest judge. Rebeccah managed to pull herself together and get over the whole panic attack thing.

For the most part, the judges liked the photos. Tara got some pretty harsh critiques and Linsay was booed for looking too catalogue.

Ultimately, Maryam was called first. She definitely gave the best shot this week. Close on her heels were Nikita, Heather, and Meaghan. Rebeccah escaped the bottom 2, leaving Linsay and Tara to face the silver haired axe of doom. And who did the Spawn of Tyrant send packing? Tara. She was one of my early faves too, but never really delivered.

Next week, the girls visit MTV Canada for some Dan and Jessi love! Yay!

Related Stories:
• CNTM Judge: Mike Ruiz Interview
• CNTM Cycle 3: Episode 3 Pictures & Recap
• CNTM Cycle 3: Episode 2 Pictures & Recap