Canada’s Next Top Model Cycle 3 Episode 1 Recap: “We’re in the EFFING House!”

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I LOVE that Tyrant is not on this show… so refreshing. I don’t have to see her model with her eyes throughout the entire opening or throw her big ol’ weave all over my 42 incher. Nice. I do, however, have to listen to Jay’s breathy trying-to-be-oh-so-fierce narration. Just read the lines Mr. J. You don’t have to go all Marilyn Munroe.

The episode started with 20 girls strutting their stuff through some barren parking lot in downtown Toronto. Cue the helicopter. Cue total sandwichy bodyguards. Cue Jay in a monstrous cream trench with his silver hair, black turtle neck, black gloves and black sunglasses. Cue the screaming wannabes… Canada’s Next Top Model is back!

But wait. Did I say 20 girls? Here comes reality tv fake dramz twist number 1… “I still haven’t decided which 10 I want on the show”. Bullshit. Any good real reality tv whore is on to you. He calls 9 girls out of the pack and they are all gorgeous. GORGEOUS. Tall, fierce, confident and professional. Oh wait… here comes the twist. They are professionals! Psych! Cue more screaming wannabes. Cue the backfired reality tv overly formulaic stunt. The wannabes all look so tragic compared to those other girls. We need makeovers pronto.

So after the little stunt, we get treated to a barrage of confessionals, but all I can think about is, “did I just see braces?!?! WTF? Who goes on Top Model with braces?” Before I could process those important questions the girls are whisked away for their first photo shoot with artistic director Nole Marin. OMG. The braces are back! It’s Meaghan, the Elisabeth Hasselbeck lookalike, with the train tracks. Get rid of them!

The photo shoot was 80s GLAMOUR with noted fashion photographer Nigel Barker. Woof. He is sexy. But what would 80s glamour be without snakes, wolves, bobcats, vultures and hawks! That’s right, the wannabes had to shoot with the wildlife with big ol’ 80s styling. Love it.

Here’s the rundown of the shoot. To check out the CNTM Cycle 3 photo gallery, click here.

Jill was nervous, but sweet. She’s very commercial and very Maxim. Her roots are heinous by the way.

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Maryam is exotic, but a little intense. Her look is interesting.

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Heather did a really good job. She looked like vintage Sharon Stone on the attack.

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Rebeccah is the awkward pretty awkward girl… very editorial.

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Ebonie is kinda flat with a weird face.

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Meaghan is pretty but refused to open her mouth because of the whole metal mouth thing.

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Nikita’s nose is just plain odd, but reminded me a little bit of ANTM Cycle 1 winner Adrianne.

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Tara just came off as awkward. She’s beautiful but needs to sort out her angles.

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Tiffany is the token boring doing it for my kid girl.

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Alexandra (my pre game pick) is just awkward and looks intimidated.

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Linsay is kind of fierce, but looks older than she is.

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After the shoot, we find out that Heather won the challenge and gets to go to the Canadian ice flows for a photo shoot with Nigel and some seal pups. She takes Nikita and Jill with her. Then Alexandra decides she’s had enough and quits. What? Your hip? Huh? The high heel shoes hurt? What car accident? Really? OMG. That is all I’m going to say about that. Disappointing.

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The seal pup photo shoot was actually pretty cool (pun!). They took the girls to PEI and the North Atlantic ice flows for some preaching about habitat protection and a rocking photo shoot. Heather impressed again. The second point of the trip was to create more artificial dramz. All the girls back at the house had a whole day to bond and bitch about the three girls on the ice. Obvioulsy.

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After all that, we finally get to the first judging. Jay is there with a silver and blue paisley blazer. Yasmin is there looking fierce. Nigel has joined us for some eye candy with Mike Ruiz. Love him. Oh… and Jeanne Beker was there too. She just looks haggard next to all of those hotties.

After all is said and done, Maryam was a surprise first call. Jill and Tiffany were a surprise for the bottom two. Tiffany went home… probably because she didn’t scream and cry when the judges asked her how bad she wanted it like Ebonie did. I thought she should’ve gone. Oh well. Can’t wait for next week and the makeovers! And yes, I take notes.

My photo of the week goes to Rebeccah. I think she looks awesome.

  • I cannot believe I forgot to mention Heather’s fall during panel! Girl went down on her knees hard and fast.

  • so far, my three pre-show faves (maryam, nikita and tara) are still in it and all of them look like they can make it far.

    ps. i hate it when people quit the first round of a reality show. PATHETIC.

  • topher

    I didn’t get to watch it yet, but ew. Maryam? That picture is AWFUL. Her mouth is durrr, her hand is awkward, her legs are non-existent.

    I agree with you though rich, best picture is Rebeccah. Look at that neck! So editorial.