lets-just-be-friends1

At least once in our lifetime, maybe even two or eight times for the really unlucky ones, you’re going to have to be on both the giving and receiving end of the “I think we should be friends” spiel. There are, of course, several variations and methods of delivering the bad news, but the one part that never changes is, “It’s not you, it’s me.”

I was recently dating this guy. We seemed to be hitting it off somewhat, but yet at some point a wall came up and things got awkward. He called me at work …..AT WORK….. one night to tell me that we were getting too close and he wasn’t looking for anything serious and that we “should just be friends”. He said it in a really rude manner and was very short on the phone. So of course the flaming red hair on my head combusted, and I retorted that I have enough friends, thank you, and hung up the phone. I get home from work a few days later, played out the usual routine of a glass of wine and stalking on facebook, and BAM there it is right in my face. The douche bags’ head line is “in a relationship” with a cute warm fuzzy feeling picture of him and his new girl. I managed to restrain myself and rise above by not writing the most spiteful nastiest message I could think of. I am an adult after all. So instead I guzzled the most delicious bottle of Santa Margerita Pinot Grigio that night and “slept” very well thank you.

So just out of curiosity, I recently asked my cousin’s husband over casual dinner, what all this hubbub was about. Why be so rude about it? He claims that this guy is self conscious because he knows he did something wrong and its his way of defending himself. Interesting. So he does have a conscience.

“Was he even interested in me from the beginning?..” I asked.

“Yes,” he said, “he was definitely into you, but something for a lack of better word “better” came along. Something new and exciting and he knew he had to get rid of you.”

Well that’s not very friendly is it? Guys wonder why girls come off crazy?!!! They make us this way!

We wonder what we did wrong and why this “great” guy no longer seems to want to be around us. If we knew why, we wouldn’t have to dwell. But usually men wuss out and don’t tell the truth about this. They say something to save face or to “spare her feelings”, sometimes followed with a hug. WHATS WITH THE HUG??? The last thing anyone wants when getting rejected is a hug from the opposing party. So why when giving the speech does the giving party think it’s okay to wrap up with a hug? “Hey, I’m really sorry. Let me hug you tight so your clothes can smell like my scent, which is all you’ll have left of me when I let go.”

It doesn’t work. We don’t buy it. We’re getting conflicting signals.

And then we dwell. We’re logical people, and we try to piece all of the puzzle together. What went well, what didn’t go well, and what the hell happened?? Things seemed to be going so well. How did I not pick up on the avoidance, the weirdness the tension??

After a long civilized conversation of trying to pick my cousin’s husband’s brain, things kind of fell into perspective. Almost 95% of guys out there (and I say 95% because there are a select few out there that are different, I just yet have to meet one) are selfish. When you’re dating a guy that consistently is telling you he is a nice guy, and appears to be on the surface, but keeps having to confirm the fact with you like he’s trying to prove something, he clearly is not. And when someone like me tends to over analyze these situations, it leads you to wonder, which is worse? Getting the “friends” speech, or never getting asked out on a date? Because lets face it, it IS a big deal to get blown off when you were counting on NOT getting blown off.

So when do you give up on a guy? When do you decide that a relationship is not advancing whether it’s a straight one OR a gay one? When you are the only one making an effort to keep it advancing. If he is not putting energy in to you, take the hint and move on to the next prospect. Don’t stay where you’re not appreciated. Trust me.

Submitted By: Lindsay D.

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