Birthdays are a time to reflect on your life. And unfortunately for me, living up to my astrological sign, I self-analyze to death so there is way too much reflecting going on for my own good! What have I accomplished? Where was I last year at this time? Where do I want to be when I’m 30, 40? How am I going to get there? I celebrated my 27th birthday this week and proceeded to cycle through all of those questions in the week leading up to the big day. Where is my career going? Where is my life going? What do I want to do ultimately? What makes me happy? Have I progressed much from where I was last year? Two years ago? I didn’t have any of the answers really, I mean I have an idea of what I like, where I’m going, what makes me happy, so I continue to feel a bit uneasy and say that maybe in the next year by my 28th birthday I’ll have it all figured out, but secretly I know I’ll never have it all figured out. You’d think that’d give me some sort of comfort, but it doesn’t really.
Then I switched my self-analysis from life/career sense to my body. Am I aging gracefully enough for a gay man my age? Should I be concerned? Well, I definitely don’t have the body I used to! I’m still trying to work last week’s butter chicken off my waist – gone are the days where I could eat all day, whatever I want, go out dancing, never go to the gym and have a great figure. Looking in the mirror, OMFG I’ve got a few more gray hairs. How’s the area under the eyes doing? Not bad, a few more wrinkles to contend with, those laugh-lines don’t disappear right away anymore either. There’s this perma-line now on my forehead – it’s because I squint sometimes. MUST STOP SQUINTING. Overall though, I’m still doing ok – I guess it could be worse ;) Gotta love that gay self-hate eh?
Now that I’ve worked myself up and made myself feel like my life and my body are in the process of falling to pieces before my very eyes (LOL) my actual birthday comes around, and miraculously everything is ok again. My amazing friends and family are there to make me dinner, throw me a party, ask me how I’m doing if they want to listen, don’t ask me how I’m doing if I don’t want to talk about it, take me out for chocolate cake, play me some music, write me a note. It’s then that I realize that the other stuff doesn’t really matter, as long as I’ve got my nearest and dearest. So thank you all, and you know who you are. I am a lucky guy and I couldn’t ask for better friends and family; because of you all the past few days have been stellar :)