Everyone’s favorite summer guilty pleasure is back! Man is this show like crack. When I realized this episode was almost over, I was going through withdrawals already. As always (and I promised not to say this as often as Chenbot does), “expect the unexpected.”

The eight newbies first enter the house and meet each other for the first time. Shortly thereafter, Julie Chen informs them that they’ll have to partner up as everyone will be playing the game in pairs, and that three former pairs will be coming back. So far, my favorite players are Cassi, Kalia, Dominic, and Shelly. The rest I find annoying. Keith thinks he’s a mack daddy sent from God, Porsche thinks her personality is as good as the plastic surgery work on her boobs, Lawon just won’t shut up, and Adam won’t stop heavy metal screaming. What a nightmare!

Before they choose their partners, Julie also tells them that if you win HOH, you and your partner are safe for the week. You then nominate a duo for eviction, and that duo will campaign against each other to stay in the game. Yikes – so cutthroat! So here are the the newbie duos…

  • Keith & Porsche (Keith asked her because she’s hot, and she reluctantly accepted)
  • Shelly & Cassi (Picked each other because of their southern gal bond – smart)
  • Dominic & Adam (Adam picked Dominic – he accepts but isn’t too keen)
  • Kalia & Lawon (He picked her – she wanted to lay low and is now with him…she’s not happy)

Shortly after the pairing, the doorbell rings. It’s Rachel & Brendon. ! Yes!!! I know some people hate them, but they are SO freaking entertaining (namely Rachel) that they make the show for me. The houseguests already can’t stand her laugh. “I’m back bitches & I’m better than ever,” she says in confessional. Then, the doorbell rings again. It’s Jeff & Jordan!!! I also love these two, but for different reasons. They’re so freaking cute together. The doorbell rings one more time and it’s Evel Dick & Daniele. Evel Dick and his daughter haven’t talked in three years – allegedly. I only watched some of the season he was in, but I already can’t stand him. Get rid of him!

Jumping right in, it’s time for the first HOH competition: “Going Bananas” The duo has to hold onto their giant banana. Last person standing keeps their duo safe by becoming HOH. So many “THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID” moments during this competition I’ll give you some examples:

  • Houseguests have to hold on to their banana as long as possible.” – Julie Chen
  • I’ll give you a moment to get situated on your bananas.” – Julie Chen
  • Don’t touch my butt with your head please.” – Dominic
  • I spend most of my time on bananas.” – Rachel
  • It’s all good riding a big banana and then you get whip cream in the face.” – Rachel

One by one, they all start falling off. In the end, it’s down to Rachel against Evel Dick & Daniele (sharing a banana). They make a wish washy deal and Rachel wins HOH, keeping Brendan safe along with her. “No one comes between me and my banana,” she says in confessional. That made my night.

Now, she must nominate one duo for eviction (well on Sunday I mean). The last twist is that being nominated for eviction is both a blessing and a curse. Huge advantage awaits for houseguest that avoids the chopping block. They get the Big Brother Golden Key, which guarantees them a spot in the top 10. The holder of the key can’t be evicted until there are 10 houseguests left. Therefore, they won’t participate in any competition during that time, but they will cast their vote for elimination.

What did you think of the first episode! Are you excited for this season!