The Big Brother 11 Finale is only a few minutes away. Patrick & Donovan are going to watch it and do a bit of live blogging. Warning, there will be some spoilers for all you not on the east coast. At this point we’d be okay with anyone winning besides
Donovan: OMG, Julie Chen looks like a pregnant Asian Barney.
Patrick: Okay, we know that Jordan and Kevin are competing in the final part of the three-part HOH competition. Natalie will sit out because no one likes her. Here fate lies in the hands of Kevin and Jordan. Hmm, will they pick her? I hope not.
Patrick: OMG they just mentioned Michele and I think she was in my dream last night. We won’t get into that.
Donovan: We’re 6 minutes in and they’re still recapping the season. Totally unnecessary.
Patrick: Holy crap…they just recapped all the yelling, crying, and drama this season. I almost forgot how many tears were shed and how many huge yelling matches their were.
Patrick: Donovan’s right. Julie does look like prego Barney. Meanwhile, Dono’s laptop is frozen and he’s running around plugging in another one. Natalie doesn’t think that Jordan will take Natalie, and she feels that Kevin is not taking her. And yup, she is right. She’s trying to totally guilty him, “I just hope I could trust you,” she says.
Patrick: OMG In confessional, Jordan just said that she is going to take Natalie. At first I gasped, but I think it is actually a better scenario for her considering what a bitch Natalie is and I think Kevin would be able to defend his actions better.
Donovan: Kevin keeps pleading with Jordan to gang up on Natalie. Thankfully Jordan finally grows a brain and realizes her best chance to win is with Natalie.
Donovan: Natalie is such a cow. I hope she gets to the final 2 only to realize how much the jury hates her. That would be AMAZING TV.
Patrick: Jordan is one tough cookie right now. I’m enjoying her intensity. If someone was just watching this show for the first time, they’d think that Jordan has been calling the shots all along.
Patrick: Natalie says to Kevin that if Kevin doesn’t take her she is going to be pissed at him and will most certainly vote against him. She is getting pissed at him, telling him he’s full of it. Yesss!
Donovan: Barney Chen teases us to stay tuned after the break to watch Michelle entering the jury house. Apparently her words will change the game forever. Oh Julie, always so hyperbolic.
9:19 Commerical and pee break
Donovan: I know I’m harping about this but that purple smock Julie is wearing is hideous. That outfit would’ve been auf’d on Project Runway in a heartbeat.
Patrick: Natalie looks the girliest she has yet. Her soon to be ex-fiance must be sad that she’s gonna dump him when she gets home.
Donovan: Oooh they show us a sexy shiny Jeffy by the pool. Grrrrrrrrrrr.
Patrick: Um, the jury house is AMAZEBALLS!
Donovan: Patrick just said Michelle looked pretty. All we saw were her feet. Oh Patty.
Donovan: Michelle tells them about Natalie’s engagement. Jeff calls Natalie a tool. Lydia asks for a high five and Jeff rejects her. LMAO.
Patrick: So excited for the jury to grill NataLIE! The whole jury is against her! So much for all of her friends in the jury house. I hope Jordan wins part 3 of HOH, so she takes Natalie and we get to see all the drama!!
Donovan: ,Russell, Lydia and Jessie fake vomitting when the jury sees Natalie win the HOH competition that lead to Michelle’s eviction. For once Lydia said something I loved. She called Natalie a wannabe Flava Flav and Queen of the Trailer Park.
9:29 Another commercial break and another tease
CHECK OUT THE BIG BROTHER 11 GALLERY. CLICK ON THE PICTURE ABOVE
Donovan: After the break, the camera zooms in on Natalie’s proud Dad and soon-to-be ex fiancee as Patrick predicts.
Donovan: The jury congregate to deliberate the the pros and cons of each of the finalists. WTF is Lydia wearing on her head. All of a sudden I wish I had shooting gallery gun. Lydia must be drunk because she’s slurring once again. LOL. Jeff keeps trashing Lydia and says he would prefer talking to a plant or a road cone more than her.
Patrick: Oh Jury Debate!! It’s like a fancy tribal council. Jesse has a goatee?! Ugh, Lydia is a bitch!!! She can’t have a normal discussion. Can she be evicted from the Jury!!?
Donovan: OH NO. They’re giving Natalie a bit of credit more than Jordan. Let’s hope the momentum doesn’t totally swing that way.
Patrick: Essentially, Michele just said that Natalie is a virus because she just attached herself to a “host” houseguest and every time that person would get kicked out, she’d just latch onto another person.
Donovan: What happened to Michelle after being evicted? She’s all articulate and totally well composed and not stumbling over her words.
9:41 Commercial break. Get Brian to go across the street to grab pizza and chicken fingers
Donovan: Finally the FINAL HOH. It’s your typical final HOH set up with two seats and a partition separating Jordan & Kevin. Once again they use the “HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW THE HOUSEGUESTS” competition.
Patrick: OMG, a memory challenge. Not looking good for Jordan.
Donovan: OH SHIZZ. Kevin is up by 1.
Donovan: YAY. Jordan ties it up.
Donovan: OMG. they haven’t answered the same yet. Jordan goes up by one on Russell’s question.
Donovan: Again, they didn’t match. Kevin ties it up. FINAL Question will determine it all
Donovan: They finally answer the same and the game is tied. Once again the infamous number chalkboard comes into play.
Donovan: It’s a friggin math question asking the number of votes cast. Jordan is doomed
Donovan: OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. The crowd is screaming in the background. Jordan won by only missing the correct number by 1.
Patrick: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! Jordan was off by one, she is guaranteed final two!!!!!! I couldn’t be happier! This will totally help in swaying the jury and convincing them that she does totally deserve it!
9:51 Commerical Break
Donovan: After the break, camera zooms in on Kevin’s family. Julie instructs Kevin & Natalie to plea their case to Jordan. Everything coming out of the biznatch’s mouth is a complete LIE. I hate Natalie but Jordan you better BRING HER to the Final Two instead of Kevin. Kevin’s plea garners laughter from the audience and also sucks up to Jordan using words like GUCCI, OMG, and other teeny bopper sayings.
Patrick: Please make the right choice Jordan… OMG. Who will it be!? She chooses to evict??!!! She says she is going with her gut. She says he won $10,000 and it’s nothing personal, and it’s purely strategic.
Donovan: What a beyotch. Natalie couldn’t hide her happiness. She practically booted Kevin out herself. “You have to leave now” while pointing to the door to Kevin while smiling her ass off.
Donovan: Chenbot interviews Kevin. Kevin is totally not bitter and praises Jordan for a smart move. Oh he’s so cute during his chat with Asian Barney. Love him.
Patrick: Hmmm, Kevin just told Julie that what is important to him in the vote. Based on his answer, his vote is totally going to Natalie. Jordan’s goodbye message to Kevin: “Kevin, if you’re seeing this, I evicted you.” Bahahahaha. Duh, Jordan! LOL I love her. I hope she is a millionaire within the hour.
Donovan: Oh I hope the jury slaughters Natalie. Please God Please.
10:03 Commercial break. Where’s Brian with our food?
10:04 Still a commercial break, but Brian is back with the grub. Haha.
Patrick: Jury members are introduced to audience. Jesse, Lydia, Russell, Jeff (most cheers so far – but not overwhelming), Michele. PS we’re eating pizza in between typing.
Patrick: Kevin comes out as Jury member number 6. YESSS!! Love it! Enjoy your $10,000 and your new clothes, Biznatch.
Donovan: Bitter Lydia calls the final two “The Two Witches”. Chen then instructs the jury to ask the final two
ladies bitches their prepared questions.
Patrick: Russell asks what Jordan’s strategy was coming in and how it changed. She says, lay low and don’t trust anyone. She says she was going to be herself and see how far it gets to. She wanted to lay under the radar. And Julie says her time was up.
Patrick: Jordan says her best move (other than aligning with Jeff) was getting rid of Kevin. So true.
Donovan: LOVE MICHELLE. I love how she accusses Natalie of using her to spread her fake engagement to the jury to get sympathy votes. WOW. Jordan answers Jesse’s question perfectly.
Patrick: Just said that Jesse was dumb. She said that she aligned herself with Jesse, a strong competitor. Then Chima a strong, MENTAL competitor. Crowd boos as she says she played an honest game.
Donovan: YES JORDAN. Tell the jury how you won competitions instead of that lame-o Natalie. Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrfect answer.
10:17 Commercial break and Chenbot teases America that their vote could decide the game.
Patrick: We’re back. Time for voting. Each get a last time to plea. Jordan says she had always been outnumbered, was never a target, and says she is very proud of herself, didn’t need anyone else. She also says that Natalie has more friends in the jury (which I’m SO happy she says because they’re gonna be like – “She ain’t my friend).
Patrick: Natalie says she was playing the game since day one and a strong competitor. ALSO says she stayed true to her alliance.
Donovan: I got so wrapped up in the drama that I forgot to blog. Julie tells the jury to start voting. Jesse says “Hakuna Matana”, Lydia says “I love a good blonde” Russell states “I chose the person who played the game from the start”, Jeff says he’s proud of Jordan and happy she did it, Michelle “I’m voting for the strongest female in this game”, Kevin voted strategically instead of who was cuter since both were looking so cute. Chenbot then locks in America’s vote. She’s Lady Liberty tonight.
Patrick: Braden, Laura, Ronnie, and Casey come back next to expose the lies! Woohooo!
Commercial break 10:27 The other houseguest return after the break
Donovan: Mrs CBS President introduces the first four evictees.
Patrick: I totally miss Laura! She was smart right from the beginning and was the ONLY one onto Ronnie!
Patrick: Ronnie is wearing a shirt that says the root of all evil. Ronnie is saying that Natalie took lying to another level in this game. Ronnie says that Natalie has lied to Jordan more than anyone ever could. Natalie thinks she’s pretty smart as her lies are exposed. Smile while you can biatch – you ain’t winning!
Donovan: Casey says Jeff made the biggest mistake by believing Kevin & Natalie’s lie about Russell going after them. Chenbot then shows the scheming to Jeff and the audience. Jeff responds by saying Michelle confirmed the story which led him to believe Kevin’s lie. Oh Michelle you screwed yourself and Jeff with your bad memory.
Donovan: I love how Julie is able to translate Braden’s surf talk to normal English. OMG Julie just said “he gave you props”. When did Jules get all ghetto?
Patrick: It sounds like there is magical Disney music playing as we go to commercial. Who will live happily ever after: Natalie or Jordan?
10:39 Commercial break
Patrick: Chima wasn’t allowed back and they are talking about her. Laura says that she is offended that Chima threw away her Big Brother opportunity. Kevin says he agrees with Laura and also says that she screwed up their alliance. Julie makes it clear that no one defends Chima and her actions.
Donovan: Julie segues backtalking and all the nasty comments during the season by turning to Ronnie. They show a clip of Ronnie calling Michelle the nastiest person he’s met. He then offers an apology to Michelle to which she accepts.
Patrick: Julie asks Jesse about his relationship with Lydia and how he had described it as platonic and defines that platonic means absence of romance and sex. He admits more towards romance. Julie asks if it has continued in the house, and Russell immediately nodded. Lydia and Jesse didn’t answer.
Donovan: Jules ask Jeff if it’s a romance or showmance. Jeff jokes and says it all depends on if she wins. The Hawaii question then pops up. Julie pretty much tries to corner Jeff to take Jordan to Hawaii. The crowd cheers on her attempts.
Patrick: Another prize is being handed out. America’s favorite houseguest and they get $25,000. Probably Jeff? Coup d’Etat pretty much answers that, doesn’t it?
10:47 Commercial Break but then the camera pans on Jordan fixing her shorts from riding up
Donovan: X Number of votes. X Number of Days. One explusion. I love how they keep rubbing Chima’s eviction in everyone’s faces.
Patrick: OMG the votes go as follows. Need 4 votes to win.
America: (11 million votes) Jordan
AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH JORDAN WINS!!!! I WILL watch Big Brother again! And Jordan’s family needs the money too!
Donovan: I LOVE how Jordan beat that scheming hooch. GO JORDAN. Jordan is greeted by her family upon being bombarded with glittery confetti.
10:55 Commercial break
Patrick: Michele voted for Jordan and Kevin voted for Natalie. Then they announce that Jeff won America’s favorite Houseguest. Julie says, “It wasn’t even close!”
A great ending to Big Brother 11. Jordan and Julie are a power couple! And they are genuinely good people!
11:01 Julie’s water breaks. She’s in labor.
11:02 Natalie breaks up with her fiance.
11:00-11:02: We’re kidding ya’ll. So sad BB is over which means summer is over.