Top 5 Thursdays: Bar Etiquette


I need to vent. This past weekend I went up to Vancouver to join in the opening ceremony celebrations…OK I have a quick tangent – the opening ceremony festivities and the overall vibe/energy of the city was AMAZING. I was so proud of my fellow cast members that were in the ceremony and was moved by how proud my Canuck friends were of their country. Truly awesome experience.

Back to the post. When I was up in YVR last weekend I decided to go out Saturday night to catch Freemasons at Celebrities night club. Overall, the night was pretty good. Met some really cool people, loved the music and loved the Celebrities venue. That said, either I hadn’t had enough drinks in me to deal with the other gays/girls (real girls) or people were just being ridiculously obnoxious because I was ready to call it a night after about only an hour. I dunno what it was, but it got me thinking. Even if you’re sh*tfaced and dancing around and have no idea where you are, there’s still some sort of bar etiquette that one should follow when going out on the town. This week’s Top 5 highlights my ideas of proper bar etiquette, for patrons and bar employees alike.

5) Rude Bouncers


Bouncers are the gatekeepers to a night of fun and I realize it’s their job to keep the rif-raff and underagers out, but don’t start my night out on a sour note. One bouncer in particular comes to mind. He works at a club in Seattle (which starts with a C… and ends in uff) and is always, ALWAYS a complete jack ass to everyone and then passes it off as “well, it’s my job.” Dude!  You’re the only bouncer that’s like that at this establishment. I get that when you’re sober and everyone else is drunk and actin’ a fool it’s annoying, but don’t be a jerk to me – you chose the job, you knew what came with it.

4) GoGo Dancers Who Can’t Dance


If “dance” is in your job title, you better know how to do it and staring fiercely into the distance while you Naomi Cambell-walk-in-place is not a dance form. I understand that GoGo dancers may be up there more for eye candy purposes, which I can appreciate, but really, I would love to see a dancer that can set the tone of the dance floor. Show some moves, collaborate with the DJ, work for your money and provide that additional energy for the crowd because it makes a difference. In other words, be a star. That was cheesy, but you get the point.

3) Rude Bar Tenders


Be nice sucka or I won’t tip you well. Do not rush me, please. Do not snap back at me if you can’t hear my order over the music – it’s not my fault your ear drums are shot. If you mess the drink up, don’t act like it’s my fault, just fix it and give it back to me with a smile.  I’m at the bar to have a good time, you’re there to make money, let’s help each other out and make it  a win-win situation.  Mmmk? I promise to take care of you if you take care of me.

2) Bathroom Privacy


Again, last weekend in Vancouver, I had the urge to use the restroom, so I went, thinking my experience would be simple and uneventful. The first thing I noticed when I entered the bathroom was an older fellow standing by the door staring across the room at the four urinals (two of the urinals had people in them). I assumed that he was just waiting for a stall, but quickly noticed he was staring for pleasure purposes. Thankfully the pleasure wasn’t being performed outside of his mind. Anyway, I went to use the urinal and the guy next to me took several glances at my… me… and was doing who knows what in his urinal space. It took me YEARS to get over being pee shy and guys like that make me want to use a stall every time I have to go. Keep your eyes on your own prize fellas. Checking out another dude’s pikachu  while he’s peeing is rude, makes some guys feel uncomfortable and makes you look creepy.

1) Pushing and Shoving


I AM NOT THE ONE. I absolutely cannot stand when people push or shove me. Whether it’s on the dance floor, in line at the bar or on a patio, pushing and shoving is NOT acceptable. If you see your friend on one corner of the dance floor and you’re on the other, here’s a thought: walk around the outside of the dance floor to meet them vs. through it.  Crazy, I know, but think of how much faster you’ll get to your friend and how much happier I’ll be when you haven’t messed up my choreographed dance moves to “Million Dollar Bill.”  When you walk into the bar and notice the man you’ve been stalking on Facebook (cough-manhunt-cough) be mindful of those people – and their drinks – you’re squeezing past.  No one likes having a fresh drink spilled on them.  It messes up their clothes, but more importantly it’s wasted alcohol and for you Canadians especially, y’all can’t stand to lose anymore alcohol out of your drinks.  “Excuse me,” “can I get through,” and “sorry” go a long way.  Accidents happen, we bump into people and we HAVE to dance to whatever Britney’s latest remix is playing, but nothing is so important that you have to Lewis and Clark your way through a crowd.

Those are my Top 5 Bar Etiquette rules.  Everyone’s are different I’m sure, but at least try to remember not to push each other people (unless you’ve planned it out and you’re trying to get some guy’s attention… “oh!  I’m so sorry, let me buy you a drink.  And then you can buy me breakfast).

  • Thanks, Alex! 🙂 🙂

  • Oops, Alex I think what Patrick meant to comment about the skeeze in the bathroom was: “Wow. [Alex] – you find the negative in anything and anyone. Good luck with that. Maybe that’s why you don’t have a boyfriend?”

    Personally, I love it. I’ve been sober sally too often the past few club nights and it really does let you see how treacherous a night out can be. Though, knowing me, I’ve likely already slept with the perv daddy in the washroom, I do not allow for disgutball loitering… i’d probably ask if he’d paid for the show.
    And i’m quickly realizing more and more bartenders are nightmares out there.. as one at a restaurant it’s insane to compare what i’d be able to get away with attitude wise with how they act… blurg.
    Great countdown!

  • Grant

    Just remember to keep “passing it on” – just because you know every bartender and skip every line, doesn’t mean you should. If you see someone who’s likely waitied 20 minutes for a drink, motion for them to come up and hook them up while you cut the line. If nothing more, you’ve made them feel special and saved them some time. And, if you’re single, you might get yourself laid if you choose correctly

  • Colin

    Great post, tranny! Like RuPaul says: “Be sassy, but never bitchy”


  • Mom

    What a great post. “Good Manners” have always been a strong suit for you, and I appreciate your comments for just about anyone, just about anywhere! Thanks.

  • It’s true everyone. I won “Best Manners” in the yearbook my 7th grade year.