Previously on America’s Next Top Model, Gabrielle couldn’t pull it off in the buff and Naduah’s over confident behind got a big ol’ Tyrant boot. Both were sent packing despite Alexandra’s HEINOUS turn on the runway. She fell down the stairs AND got run over by a pendulum. Who will go this week? Can Andre top his debut performance… or was the SALon a one hit wonder?

Before we begin… can I just say how much I LOVE the new intro. Kidding. I watched it in slow motion. Obsessed… I know. Including mirrors, there are at least 102 shots of Tyrant. I may have missed a few. Last year I think I counted 34… maybe 64. Either way, this is just more evidence that this woman is out of control. Seriously.

With that out of the way, we start off this week with Brenda worrying about her photo, her hair and how much she misses her daughter. Ren tells us she thought she wanted to quit, but couldn’t because it’s too important to her mom. Yeah. That’s a good reason to be on ANTM. Or not. She likes modeling, but ANTM is too much about the house and the DRAMA. Amen sister Ren. I have been saying that for YEARS.

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The next day, the wannabes get on the “Fab Bus” where Cycle 3 fatty… I mean plus-sized superstar… Toccara Jones joins them for some sort of corny made-up game show. Toccara’s gonna quiz them about the fashion industry. The first team to five wins a Go-See to Bluefly.com and some majah gift cards! Majah! Apparently 40% off designer knock-offs is what fashionistas are all about. They get to meet the CEO and Creative Director. Whoever impresses them most gets a feature in the spring collection campaign. Raina, as the girl with the best photo from last week automatically gets to go on the Go-See.

It was all tied up at 4 apiece. Final question came down to Brenda versus Simone. The question? Who is the iconic supermodel that hosts Germany’s Next Top Model? Heidi Klum, Christie Brinkley, Iman, or Cindy Crawford? Tough one. How about the German one? Simone gets it right. She, Krista, Angelea, Alexandra and Jessica are off to the Go-see with Raina. They meet with Melissa Payner and Camila Hori. Raina’s face was beautiful, Jessica was too thin, Angelea couldn’t pose, Alexandra was just pretty, Simone impressed, and Krista made a good impression too. Ultimately, Simone won!

Back at the house, the mean girls decided to talk about Brenda behind her back. Krista called her Chucky… as in the demented serial killing horror doll. Then they threw in the whole Miranda from SATC. Oooooh. Ouch. I agree… but still, you don’t say it! Ren took offence and told Brenda everything. Brenda says Tyra gave her the haircut so people should tell Tyra she effed up. Can I get another Amen! Then Anslee got dramatic too. Ren wants to quit. Ugh. I’m moving on. How about a photo shoot? OK!

This time, the girls have to work some dance moves with photographer Cade Martin. Each wannabe has to portray a different type of dancer. Professional dance instructor – and former Alvin Ailey star – Troy Powell is there to help them along. For a minute I thought it was that Benny Ninja freak show.

Anslee – Rhythmic dancing
Jay said she was just pretty, not model during the shoot. The judges didn’t see any fashion and her face was blah. I agree.

Jessica – Salsa
She got a gorgeous dress, but Jay was worried she was moving too much. The picture looks authentic, but her face is pretty dead. Tyra wanted more fashion too. ALT says a pointed toe in an ankle strapped heal looks “patently gauche”.

Tatiana – Tap
Not the best outfit for glamour, but her face is hot! Tyra says she lucked into it. Her body looks a bit too awkward, but it should be enough to earn her middle of the pack.

Angelea – Moshing
This was her chance to really go wild, but she focused on pain and anger. Jay thought she did ok. The judges love the fashion in the shoot, but I’m just blah with it.

Ren – Disco
Love the styling, but she struggled with giving face. The photo was really disappointing. Weak.

Alexandra – Break Dancing
She really worked some creative poses and looked athletic. The photo’s pretty good, but her leg looks massive. Tyra wanted more neck.

Raina – Jazz
During the shoot, she looked the most like a model. She managed to combine fashion and dance. Nigel thought it was very cool. Tyra said she had a whole bunch of great shots.

Brenda – African
The ginger looked exotic, but was pretty low energy. It shows in the photo too. Sean says it looks like a Saturday Night Live skit. Ouch.

Krista – Ballet
I’m still not a fan of her look, but her body type worked well for ballet. Nigel agrees with me. In fact, all of the judges did. So smart.

Alasia – Interpretive Dance
This is the best she’s looked. She really listened to the dance instructor. At panel though, she looked all trash. ALT was horrified. Bad hair, bad hoochy top, and bad shoes. Luckily, the judges loved her photo. Shazam! said ALT.

Simone – Hip hop
Gurrrllll got a fierce trampy outfit that I loved. Gold gold gold. She struggled with the swagger, but ALT liked it. Tyra didn’t. I think it’s ok.

At panel, Tyrant is wearing the most HEINOUS body suit ever. AWFUL. She looks like a wiener wrapped in nylons. She, Nigel and Andre Lyon Talley (ALT) are joined by Sean Patterson, President of Wilhelmina Models. He was not pleased to hear Ren complain about the drama and thoughts of quitting. Tyra asks Ren if she wants to stay or leave. Cue dramatic commercial break. When we get back, Ren says she wants to stay. So who goes?

Alasia in all her hot silver trashy self got called first. She was followed by Angelea, Jessica, Alexandra, Krista, and Raina. Ren and Brenda were left in the bottom two. Oh no! Not my ginger! Before Tyra can do her full spiel, Ren says she’s here for the wrong reasons. Tyra says it’s ok because Brenda was going to stay anyway. Phew.

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• ANTM Cycle 14 Episode 2: “You’re Gonna See Her Hoo-Ha”
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• ANTM Cycle 13 Coverage