Previously on America’s Next Top Model, Alexandra continued to suck really bad but somehow managed to stay in the competition. The girls had to model heinous hair suits and endure one of the show’s most grotesque displays of OTTT (that’s Over-The-Top-Tyrant) EVER. Did I mention that this year’s international fashion destination is New Zealand? Yep. Awesome. Not really. Yawn. Krista won an undeserved first photo so she gets to sit first class all the way to KiwiVille. That’s neat. Only six girls remain, who will be eliminated tonight?

We start off this week with Raina saying they are luckiest six girls in the entire world. Really? Because you get to go to New Zealand? Wow. Remember when ANTM went to Paris, Milan, London, or Tokyo. They were lucky. You’re getting screwed. Alexandra is bummed that she was in the bottom two and admits that she deserved it because her picture was “heinous”. I agree. Finally someone is talking sense on this show!

Once they get to Auckland, Jessica shows her skills in geography when she tells the camera she thought “New Zealand was right above Canada or something”. WTF. What do they teach these girls in the gold ol’ US of A? Then the girls meet up with some locals and get the shit scared out of them by some traditional Maori dancing. Basically, some big buff half naked tattooed men flail and hit themselves. Hot. It’s called Haka. After the dancing, Miss J tells the girls that they’re off to do some Go-Sees. They freak out. I relish in the opportunity to laugh at the inevitable situation where girls rush against the ticking clock to get back on time. You know it’s going to happen. It happens every cycle.

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At the Go-Sees, Raina seemed to struggle with her walk, but designers thought her face would be great for print campaigns. Alasia and her curves were well liked by the swimwear designers. Angelea somehow impressed with her “sexy” walk. Jessica was criticized for being a little “too commercial”. Krista, on the other hand, was called a cute “teenaged Bambi”. Huh? Alexandra looked too casual WITH BAD SKIN… in her UGH boots. UGH.

As the clock ticks, it’s Raina, Alasia, and Krista struggling to get back on time. None of them made it. Fail. That means the winner will be Alexandra, Jessica, or Angelea. Based on the feedback, it looks like it’s gonna go to Angelea. Boo. She won a whole bunch of clothes.

When we get to the photo shoot, we find out the girls get to do what Kiwis do best… pose with sheep in a windy field with Nigel Barker! Obviously. I like sheep. I’m an Aries and I was born in the year of the ram. I’m like a super ram. Bahhhhh. Thankfully, the girls were styled in some couture reminiscent of Madonna’s video for “Frozen”. I kinda dig it. Question… was it artistic theft or homage? You decide.

JESSICA
I love her angles in this shot and her porcelain skin against the black. The make-up makes her look oddly like Cyndi Lauper in the face, but I think she pulled it off. It’s not my favourite photo she’s done though. The judges thought she lucked into the shot. The guest judge hated it. Apparently she doesn’t like armpits.

ANGELEA
UGH. How is she still here? I don’t get it. This is terrible. The judges need to snap out of their fog and wake up to the fact that this girl is not pretty. She is not fashion. She looks short, awkward, and not nearly as cute as the ram. Bahhhhhhhhd. The judges were definitely unimpressed. ALT thought it was her worst one.

ALEXANDRA
Oh girl. Why are you still here? You and Angelea are nightmares. First, let’s talk about the porno face? Really? With a sheep? Ewwwwe. Lols… I love the sheep puns! When are the ANTM wannabes of the world going to learn that porn face is not fashion? Tyrant is not looking for America’s Next Top Hoochie. But, when it came to judging, they were actually impressed. Nigel said there were lots of great shots. Huh. Maybe they should’ve picked one less porny.

KRISTA
Finally. An awesome photo. I’m not the biggest fan of her face in this one. Yes it’s strong, but it’s missing some pretty. The styling is totally working in this one. The dress is flowing and she looks regal. If the gimmicky Kiwi sheep wasn’t there, it would be a hot editorial photo. Nigel thought she was magical. The rest of the judges loved it too. Tyrant called it a “tornado or loveliness”.

ALASIA
This is definitely NOT her best work. And I’m glad because I hate this wolf in sheep’s clothing. Lols again! I kill myself. Where is her neck? Where is any part of her body? This is not a good pose. I can’t even tell what direction her body is facing. Weird. Nigel didn’t think she was an inspirational model. ALT said he was more intrigued by the sheep.

RAINA
GORGEOUS. Once again, she kills it. She took the best parts from Krista’s and Jessica’s photos and merged them. Great regal pose, beautiful porcelain look, strong face… and pretty. Well done. I barely notice the sheep! Raina totally pulled the wool over my eyes and I like it! Puns are amazing. The first thing out of ALT’s mouth was “Gorge”. We are so on the same page. Nigel loved that she gave him shot after shot after shot. He was impressed.

At panel, the judges are joined by Kiwi Sara Tetro, founder of 62 Models Management. I don’t like her top. At least Nigel’s still hot. Oh… but Tyrant? She’s wearing another HEINOUS jumpsuit. What is up with the jump suits? After they deliberated, Krista was called first. That’s her second week in a row. Next up was Alexandra. She made a total comeback, but I still think she should be gone. Raina was called third. Angelea was called fourth… saved by ger Go-See win. That left Alasia and Jessica in the bottom two. Oh please. Please please please make this the week Alasia goes. YES! Jessica is still in it and Alasia is going home. Finally.

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