Previously on America’s Next Top Model, Tyrant did some stuff, some models cried, some new judges came on board, some girls cried some more, and a wannabe was given a relatively pointless title. Other than that, I have no idea. I took the Cycle off. That’s right. Tyrant’s punishment for the debacles that were Angelea’s force fed win slash re-shot ending in AllStars and then AzMarie’s brutal dismissal for refusing to booty touche in the British Invasion cycle and then firing Nigel, I just couldn’t do it anymore. After 17 Cycles of bitchy, fun, and loyal recaps, Tyrant finally wore me down with her nonsense. But I’m back! Fresh from months of blissful ANTM-free life. New boyfriend (woof!), new job (yay!), and the same snarky attitude towards the wannabes. And blessed be… we have boys and girls this year! There better be some chest hair.
Okay. Ready. I’m going to live type this reveal… clicking link now… waiting… oh GOOD LORD. There is some serious heroin crystal chic shit going on! Seriously. My first reactions:
Okay… let’s take a look at these wannabes one by one.
City: Palm City, FL
Height: 5’9 ¼”
Gurl… sunscreen. Use it. I love the hot pink lips and more classic all-American girl look. Once they give her some make up tips, she’ll probably score well on commercial shoots.
City: Chicago, IL
Height: 5’7 ½”
She’s kinda got a Zoe Saldana thing going on which is sexy. A little bit Isis too. I’m digging her natural, unforced beauty. Her eyes look a little uneven. Tyrant’s gonna pick on her for that.
City: Los Angeles, CA
Height: 5’9 ½”
Hmmm… kinda blah. There’s not much bone structure going on in the shot… except for her nose. Maybe they’ll brand her the pretty-ugly-pretty one.
City: Bear, Delaware
She looks stunned… and oddly like Julia Stiles. When I blur my vision I see some potential with those eyes and collar bones.
City: North Bergen, NJ
Height: 6’1 ½”
I think I was reacting to his pic when I said “oh good lord”. I don’t even know where to begin with this one. Just seems wrong.
City: Houston, TX
Height: 5’10 ¼”
Nice eyes… he just looks so petite. Some of these girls could probably throw him around. Good strong chin though.
City: Philadelphia, PA
Height: 6’2 ½”
Another eek from me. He looks like a ballerina who had her bun pulled back too tight. The eyebrows are killing me!
City: Minneapolis, MN
Now we’re talking. He looks strong, I’m digging the tatts and scruff. He’s actually handsome. I like my male models handsome, not so pretty.
City: Mission Viejo, CA
Definitely rocking the “I couldn’t care less” look male models must master. He’s also got potential in a young Edward Norton kind of way.
City: Denver, CO
Oh hey! It’s Mayam Bialik!
City: Bend, Oregon
I think she’s super pretty. Hot lips! Tyrant’s gonna love the whole five head thing she’s rocking too.
City: Bronx, NY
First off, get this guy some skin cream from MASC! He’s got potential to own the tall dark and handsome category, but his features are almost too strong for my tastes.
City: Los Angeles, CA
Hello giant! At 6’5”, this guys is going to tower over a lot of the other models (boys and girls). Hopefully he’s got some meat on those bones to fill out that big frame.
City: New York, NY
Height: 5’8 ½”
It’s Lluvy! No.. Allison! It;s Llullison! Seriously. I love Allison… my all-time fave. We’ll see if this girl can even come close.
City: Lanesboro, MA
Height: 6’3 ½”
So glad we got a hipster. ‘Nuff said.
City: Fort Lauderdale, FL
Awww… pretty. I actually just said that out loud. She’ll probably get a huge weave or get it all shaved off. Oh Tyrant. So predictable.