Previously on America’s Next Top Model, Tyrant somehow convinced Canadian stunner Coco Rocha to pose with our nevergonnabes. Needless to say they were all epically outclassed by a real working supermodel. Thankfully, Bre and AlexHATEdria ended up in the bottom two with Bre packing her bags and giving Tyrant major ‘tude on the way out the door. Shame we didn’t get another freak out from Miss Banks. Learn something from this! There are STILL nine girls left. Good Lord! It is time to cut some of the dead weight Tyrant… put some of these girls out of their misery and crush their hopes of a modeling career once and for all. So who’s gonna cry tonight? Who will give Mr. J major eye rolls? Will Lisa wear an awful outfit? Who will be eliminated tonight?
So Halloween is just around the corner? You peeps got your costumes all sorted out? I just did my little dress rehearsal tonight. GURL! All I gotta say is FIERCE with a capital SHAMELESS. I always try to do something ridiculous with as little material as possible. This year might be the best, and by best I mean absolutely heinously amazing. Watch out Fifth Element fans… I got my MultiPass and Leeloo is ready to kick some ass.
We start off this week in the van. Lisa is crying. She’s sad and shocked that Bre went home. They were on Cycle 5 together. That’s how fresh and new these girls are. 12 Cycles later and they still haven’t made it. Lisa thinks shit is gonna get crazy in the house since Bianca’s bodyguard is gone. Uh oh, More Lisa/Bianca nonsense. Can’t wait. Yawn. Cue AlexHATEdria’s turn to cry. She got called a “reality tv star”. Boo hoo sister. You’re on reality tv… and you’re NOT a star. Take it as a compliment. Then we have Shannon wondering what the judges want from her to be more “edgy”. She thinks they want “raunchy”, but she’s not going there… even to win. We know. You’re a saint. You where slutty bathing suits, but not slutty lingerie. Blah blah blah.
Back at the house, there’s a whole bunch of blah blah about Bianca. But then Bianca turns on AlexHATEdria in a confessional and I am ALL EARS. At first B thought A was just “misunderstood” in her cycle. But now that B knows A, she totally gets why all the girls treated her like crap. Amen.
The next day, the wannabes all head to the Roosevelt Hotel. Nigel’s there to guide them through their next challenge. They’ll be designing their own signature fragrance. Seriously? What. The. Fuck. Can we get back to modeling now? There’s a bunch of branding talk, some girls sniff some jars, and some general ridiculousness from AlexHATEdria. Once they picked their fragrances, Nigel tells them that each girl will have to pitch their scent to a group of fans while soaking in a tub full of products infused with their fragrance. This just got stupid. I cannot wait. The fans will score each girl and top score gets immunity at panel this week. Popularity contest! Should be interesting to see who the fans rally behind. Also, the winner will be the “face” of a new ANTM perfume. Woohoo. I cannot wait to buy that for my mom’s Christmas stocking!
PS… Bianca is PISSED about this challenge. She rants about how Tyrant would “never do this”. How a real model would never be forced to do something so stupid. She’s done with the gimmicks. I want to agree with her because you know how much I love Tyrant hypocrisy bashing, but girl… did you ever watch her talk show. Tyrant was a damn fool on that thing. Speaking of a damn fool… Cycle 3 winner Eva Pigford is on hand to act as some sort of correspondent. The whole thing was a gong show. Even worse was that Lisa won! Basically because she’s batshit crazy. Ugh.
The next day, the girls meet Mr. J for the photoshoot. This one is gonna be TRASHY. It’s all about Snooki and NeNe… on a big old Harley. Oh. Shit. Seriously ew. A photoshoot inspired by two of the most heinous crazies out there. Can’t wait for this train wreck. Hahahaha… and then AlexHATEdria hits us with some HUGE common sense. Gurl! She complains about being called a “reality tv star” one week and then asked to portray an over-the-top “reality tv star” the next. More Tyrant hypocrisy. Love it. By the way, the photographer is Mike Rosenthal. Oh… and Kathy Griffin is guest judging! This should be epic.
She was rocking a NeNe bob. She also kinda rocked the photo… as much as these photos can be rocked. Tyrant loved her sass. ALT liked the vibe. I love her earrings.
Loved her bump-it hair during the shoot, but she seemed to struggle with staying focused. The actual photo isn’t really working. Kathy didn’t love the attitude, Nigel didn’t love the eyes. I don’t really love anything about it. Uh oh. Kathy called it “Paris, just out of prison”. Lol.
She definitely looked the part of a trashy trash-talking trash bag. She actually nailed the pic. It’s a cool pic as Nigel said. There’s a story… and it works.
She had never seen the Real Housewives, but she obviously found the right attitude. Duh. It’s Lisa. The photo is actually really good. It’s one her best of the year. The judges all loved it.
She was styled in a dress that Snooki has actually worn. Poor Allison. Lol. Mr. J and the photographer were loving Allison’s pics on set. Her pic is AMAZING. Kathy called it “Snooki on a very good” day.
She took a lot of risks during the shoot. The photographer said some worked and some didn’t. Nigel liked that she went for a risk, but the close up is heinous. Her eyebrows are too done, her lip is a sneer. Nigel even took a swipe at how much make-up she “cakes on” when she comes to panel.
She brought her own pickles to work some Snooki magic. J was not impressed. It looked to phallic. The photographer thought it was too “porno”. Lol. Her photo is okay. The judges liked her pose, but her face is kinda dead. Nigel called her out for her lacklustre challenge performance and she ranted about how Beyonce and Rihanna wouldn’t pose in a tub to sell perfume. Hahaha. Oh Tyrant. All she had to say was “you’re not Beyonce”. Lols.
Mr. J was hating her finger waving. He thought it was amateurish. Tyrant liked it. Really? It’s so lame. I could do that. Tyrant liked that it is a caricature. OMG. No. It’s dumb. Nigel thinks he took it too far.
Mr. J didn’t love her Snooki. Too much model, not enough trash. The pic is a good model picture, but the judges weren’t loving that it didn’t bring out any character.
At panel, the girls were in for a BIG surprise. Kathy Griffin is in the house! She was actually kind of a disappointment. I was hoping for more ass-kicking… but she went pretty easy on the girls. Lisa, who was already safe, got called out first. Angelea was the runner up in a heinous jump suit. She was followed by Laura, AlexHATEdria, Allison, and Dominique. That left Bianca, Kayla, and Shannon in the bottom three. Two of them are going home! Oh shit. Who’s safe? Is it too safe Shannon, watered-down Kayla, or uncoachable Bianca. It’s Shannon. Kayla and Bianca are outta here. Boo! I love Kayla. I guess it’s up to Lisa to start fighting with someone else now that Bianca is gone.
To check out all high-res pics from this episode, head over to our ANTM Cycle 17 gallery.