ANTM Cycle 17 “All Stars” Episode 11: “Modelland”

Previously on America’s Next Top Model, Tyrant narrowed the field of wannabes down to the final four when she kicked off Dominique. Much to my frustration, the dramatic but completely not modelesque Angela survived ANOTHER brush with elimination. It’s almost absurd at how much Tyrant is forcing a TRANgelea win on us. We get it Tyrant… you like her backstory. Guess what? We don’t give a shit. The girl can’t model and doesn’t even have enough core strength to hold herself upright in a bowl of Greek salad. Did I mention that Nigel has to physically put her into poses and she hasn’t won a single challenge? Sigh. The good news is that Allison the goddess is still in the running. More bad news… Lisa somehow scraped into the final four along with Laura. I never ever would have imagined those two getting into the final four. But who will make it the final three? Who will be America’s Next Top Model? Who will be eliminated tonight?

So we’re getting down to the wire. Within a couple weeks we’ll know who the winner of this train wreck of a cycle will be. It’s been entertaining, but the modeling has been mediocre at best. Watching the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show last night made me realize just how much these girls ARE NOT models. Allison? Yes… in a high fashion and editorial way. Laura, Angelea, and Lisa? No freaking way. Not a single girl this season could’ve walked with those gorgeous girls.

Oh god. This is going to be a nightmare. We start off this week with a Tyrant voiceover telling us some nonsense about seeing the “world premiere fashion film based on my New York Times best-selling novel Modelland”. F*ck me. This has Tyrant overload written all over it.

Once we get past some Tyrant self-love, we move on to Angelea recapping her bottom two experience and seeing Dominique go home. We then get treated to a dreadfully long series of flashbacks to Angelea going ghetto. The editors must be running out of material. Cue commercial!

When we’re back, Laura gives us some giddy about getting called first last week. Then we get a bubbly recap of her Top Model life versus her hometown life. She moos and cows. Obviously.

The next day, the girls all meet Nigel who tells them that they will be meeting Franca Sozzani, editor –in-chief of Vogue Italia. The winner of this Cycle gets to write a blog for Vogue.it, so this should be considered a major audition. The wannabes have to write a blog about their time in Crete. They need to each pick an outfit, get a driver, and take some location shots with themselves in it to help put the blog together. They only get three hours! Once the challenge is over, Nigel lets them know that he will be sending the blogs to Franca and will announce the winners tomorrow? So are they meeting her or not? Who knows. We’re off to film this fashion film.

Let the nonsense begin. Tyrant is directing this “motion editorial”. Modelland is about a modeling school on the top of a mountain. The lead character in the book is “Tookie”. Tookie is inspired by Tyrant’s teen self. It’s all about Tookie’s adventure through friendship and bullies and embracing her own unique beauty. Are you barfing yet? My eyes just gone and rolled outta my head. Ugh. Each girl in this motion editorial will be representing different versions of Tookie… I mean Tyrant… I mean Tookie… today. Now I’m barfing. Tyra Tyra Tyra blah blah blah. This is going to be a two day shoot and the final product will be used to judge this week’s panel and next week’s. Huh? What? This is a nightmare.

Wearing a bunch of Michael Cinco creations, the girls run around, play with a baby doll, act all deranged, dig through some trash, poured some whipped cream down their throats, sprayed each other with water, played with weapons, dressed like cats, something about “intoxibellas”, licked blood oranges, and basically listened to Tyrant talk about her own emotional baggage while doing bizarre things. And that was just day one!

Before we could get to day two, we get to witness a PHONE conversation between Nigel and Franca to discuss the blogs. They didn’t really like Allison’s. It was too short and highfalutin. Laura’s was not interesting, Lisa’s was ok, and Angelea’s was… wait for it… extolled upon by a Nigel voiceover that was clearly recorded AFTER this supposed phone conversation. Ugh ugh ugh. More ANTM Mangeleapulation. She won. Obviously. God I hate this show sometimes.

Now on to day two of the motion editorial. This time, the wannabes get to work with Tyson Beckford. Angelea just about had a heart attack. He’s hot. Then his hotness gets entirely ruined by a series of segments with Tyrant overacting while wearing god awful outfits like the pink zentai fetish thing and moon hat. Who is this woman? Where is the cool chick that threw down in Coyote Ugly? They then had to do this big dramatic reveal shots with some masks that will be used when they ultimately reveal the winner. Poor Allison. The sun was making her eyes water! She didn’t look pretty.

Finally we get to panel . Tyson Beckford is there as guest judge and we get to see part one of this “motion editorial”. Holy f*ck. What a mess. It was like The Cell, 300, The Ring, and The Grudge vomited yellow. Laura definitely got the shaft with having to molest whip cream. She looked lame compared to the close up shots of Allison with the orange, Angelea crying, and Lisa being crazy with a baby. The best part was that Tyrant was absolutely the WORST part of the whole thing.

Angelea

Nigel thought she was very convincing and stunning. Tyrant said she wanted to laugh and cry at Angelea. The emotion was good, but her running scenes were ridiculous.

Laura

ALT liked the strong and emotional Laura in the scene, but they were not the biggest fan of the whip cream scene.

Allison

Nigel was really impressed, but Tyson called her out for not being able to find the camera because of her eyes. Tyrant said they need to figure out a way to deal with that issue, because without her eyes, she loses a lot of her strength.

Lisa

Tyson loved the way she moved and ALT appreciated her acting abilities. Tyrant said she got chills, but said she over committed.

So who goes home? Who gets called first? It sounds like he three who make it will be the Cycle’s finalists. The stakes are HIGH. Whatever the decision, the judges are not having an easy time. They gave us a “1.5 hours later” to show that they were still discussing. Sounded like Tyson was not a fan of Allison’s and Nigel had to ride to her defense. Executive producer Ken Mok even yelled at them to “make a decision”. Oh dear. I can’t even BELIEVE that Allison is on the bubble. It will be a TRAVESTY if she goes home. Ultimately, Lisa was called first. Angelea was second. Oh thank God! Allison was third. Laura’s going home.

Who Is Your Favorite ANTM Cycle 17 All-Star?

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ANTM Cycle 17 Photo Gallery

To check out all high-res pics from this episode, head over to our ANTM Cycle 17 gallery.

  • rowell james

    yey! thanks thanks! someone has to make a wikipedia entry for angelea. her name has to be hyperlinked!

  • gollum

    if Angelea win this i will kill Lisa or vice versa, SHIT…

  • Love her or hate her, Angelea IS in fact beautiful and she has what it takes to go all the way. Whether or not she uses it is completely up to her.
    I like Lisa back in her cycle, but if she wins, her head will grow so big that it will eclipse the sun.

  • Carlisle

    I am still looking forward to a Lisa-Allison finale… Go Creepy Chan FTW!

  • Anonymous

    Go Allison!! Allison FTW!!

  • Martino

    i can’t imagine if TRANSgelea or DRAGelea (whatever you call her) won this cycle and appear on the cover of vogue. disaster!!!

  • Bubby

    My frucking god, this poll says it all. Look at that insanely huge gap.

  • Keith

    You could tell that most of the show was staged by Tyrant to keep pushing Angelea’s sob story. I’m no hater but I just don’t want her to win. She should just try acting instead, same goes for Lisa, who apparently has been modeling since 10. Is she for real? As for Allison, she SCREAMS high fashion and deserves to win this after that awful result her cycle – I mean, really High Fashion losing to whatshernamewindintheface. And sweet lil’ Laura – I wish her the best of luck. This cycle is sooooooooo rigged I don’ think any of the deliberation in panel is legit!!

  • Dan

    Richie – I am so glad you compared these girls to the Victoria’s Secret Models because I was honestly thinking the same thing as I was reading your description of Tyrant’s manipulations and the constant pushing of certain contestants for the win each season.

    The girls in VSFS are unbelievably gorgeous and legitimately turn out incredible modeling each year. I’d love for Angelea to be thrown in the middle of the show and truly exposed as a wannabe with no modeling skills…

  • Steph

    As soon as Wednesday’s episodes are over, I look forward to your recaps, Rich.

    I’m REALLY hoping that Franca Sozzani has a HUGE say when it comes to who is going to be in her magazine. If that’s the case, I think we have nothing to worry about when it comes to Allison. 🙂 I’m not Lisa’s biggest fan, but I wouldn’t be too upset if she won. At least she’s done consistantly pretty well this cycle. She’s had a few bad weeks, but NOTHING compared to the disaster that is Angelea.

  • Thanks Dan and Steph!

    @Keith… you’re so right about the deliberations. It feels like they’re going out of their way this cycle to try and cover up the manipulations. It’s too obvious though and is backfiring.

  • D.

    You have got to be kidding me. Every season of this crap show I have had to hear how on of the contestants “looks soo old” as compared to the rest of the group.
    -Angelic and Lisa look at least 10-15 years older than allison and Laura. As a matter of fact everytime Lisa rolls her hail up and throws on makeup, she looks like an “old drag queen”. Angelic looks like Laura and Allisons mom. Also on the blog, who the hell reading Italian vogue gives on crap about the Ghetto in Greece or in America?? Good ole Tyrant wants to show young girls you can come from anywhere, but how many young girls read Italian Vogue? I usually see if in the hands of women in their 20’s. I almost never see a 16 year old running around with Italian Vogue, or American Vogue. I would have taken Lisa’a blog over Angelic. I know Allisons was short but it was intelligent. I am soo sorry neither Neigel or Tyrant could fllw it. I always think of Italian Vogue as coloful, exotic, and a bit snobby, so thought Allisons blog would have fit right in. All I can see if Tyrant feeling soo bad for Angelic, she let her win this so she will have a job after the kick her butt off the show, and she doesnt win, which should have been 3-4 episodes ago. As far as guest judges go this week was asisine. Good ole Tyson didnt like that Allison didnt throw herself at him and act a fool, he felt she didnt have the, “personality”. I think Tyrant brought his on purposedly. Tyrant got bent out of shape that the Game thought Allison was cute. The only reason Tyrant brought the Game on was likely to hit on him. When the game liked the little white girl, she got made and brought on Tyson, who dont like those meek little white girls. She wanted a man to fawn all over her like the Game didnt. She wanted everyone to see that an attractive black man likes her best. What an idiot. After this peice of crap season I am out. I will still fllw this blg cause you guys are great, but i am done with the self absorbed idiot Tyrant. Also did anyone notice all the weird shots, delays, and voice overs this year???

  • D.

    Sorry should have spell checked the last post.

  • Here’s a link on YouTube to Modelland part 1. Yellow Vomit.

  • Greg

    I know that ANTM has no real world credibility (and have known this for some time), and the term ‘nevergonnabes’ is entirely appropriate. Also, if Tyra thinks that ‘Modelland’ is good, and something to be proud of, then she clearly is either smoking crack, and/or simply has no taste. So, why do I get upset when I think about the very real possibility that they are setting us up for another Allison loss? To my eye, she takes the best, most interesting pictures, she still looks young, she is professional, and can speak intelligently. But if she loses because she is “too quiet” or because her backstory isn’t interesing enough, then I am done with ANTM. We don’t want sob stories. We want someone who can actually model. The ratings are already not great. If Tyrant thinks that she can continue to manipulate her audience and expect them to stick around, I think she’s wrong.

  • ANTMfan

    LOL @ Tyra: Don’t swallow, don’t swallow, don’t swallow. Spit! Spit! Spit! SPIT!!

  • m

    i hope allison wins this cycle..

  • Hayley

    2nd elimination in a row that really bugged me. I can’t believe they’d send Laura home for being too sexy after they gave her the whip cream scene. Nobody could do that without looking sexual at least a little. That being said, I wouldn’t have wanted Allison out either. She was in the bottom two for “no personality”? I hate when they say that because everyone has a personality, and just because she wasn’t crazy like Lisa or moody like Angelea doesn’t mean she doesn’t have one. It looked like she was just in the bottom two because she didn’t jump all over Tyson and Angelea did. The Game loved Allison, and this guy seemed to really dislike her. The Game saw how smart and charming she is, but Tyson didn’t even try to get to know her that we saw.

    Laura should have made top 3 at least, Allison shouldn’t have even been in the bottom (she worked past her eye problem best she could and was amazing in the video), and Angelea should have went home. Again. She should have gone during the Michael Jackson shoot. If that wasn’t a non-elimination, Angelea or Lisa wouldn’t be there, and Laura and Dominique (whose picture I loved that week) wouldn’t have been sent home for no reason.