Previously on America’s Next Top Model, the nevergonnabes packed up their bags and flew to Greece for some final six action in a bowl of Greek Salad. Seriously. Tyrant had the girls being all sexy in a giant bowl of tomatoes, cucumbers, massive blocks of feta, and gallons of olive oil. If that doesn’t scream “Top Model”, I don’t know what does. The best part was the continuation of the “underwear versus bathing suit” saga. Oh Shannon. She has no problems wearing slutty bathing suits, but ask her to put on a sporty bra and full-on boy-type underwear and she gets all high and mighty. Gurl. You are messed up. Anyways, she finally got her covered-up ass booted from the competition… but not before Tyrant STRESSED that it wasn’t just about her refusing to pose in underwear. Gurl had never won a challenge or been called for first photo. What a disappointment she turned out to be! Only five girls remain. Who will falter right before the final four? Will it be Allison, our wide-eyed weird goddess? Or Lisa, the loud-mouthed manic attention seeker? Better yet, could this be the end of Angelea and her gut… I mean… “soft core”? Did you see that thing in the bowl of salad! Two words… sit ups. Can Laura ride her country bumpkin charm to the end or is this the end of Granny’s fashion show? Can Dominique continue to shed her dragalicious reputation and win it all? Who will be eliminated tonight?
Hey peeps. First up… sorry I wasn’t around to recap last week’s episode. It was a doozy, but I was off gallivanting around Toronto. It was amazing. Thanks for asking. In this week’s famous second paragraph, which normally features my random ramblings and rants, I would like to applaud all the boys out there participating in Movember. They’re ugly, they’re dirty, they’re covered in last night’s bed time snack, but damn… putting yourself out there for a worthy cause is awesome. I am NOT participating this year (had a couple weddings to look cute for), but I WILL be donating cold hard cash to make up for it. You should too. Check out the story Homorazzi did about some hot Vancouver boys growing MOs here and then donate here.
We start off this week with Dominique feeling pretty proud of her first callout at the last panel. She’s stoked because she knows she’s the dark horse to win. Riiiight. Then Angelea complains about Dominique never being put in the bottom two. Angelea says Dominique is NOT an All Star. Lisa then says Allison is her toughest competition. Ummm. Sweety… you two are not even in the same league. Lisa whines that “Allison blinks and they freak out they love it so much”. Hahaha. Love it. What I don’t love is what came out of Lisa’s mouth next… that Allison looks like she’s dead! Oh. No. You. Did. Not! You heinous Urban Planet shopping gargoyle! Someone please get Lisa off my TV.
The next day, the nevergonnabes meet Miss J who informs them that they are going to do a mock casting… but they have to judge each other. Oh shit. More needless drama. Thanks Tyrant. Let’s see if they all rip each other’s hair out or class it up. Dominique said Laura was a “little country” but liked that she was a “white girls with sass” and she liked it. Angelea said Lisa’s walk was sloppy. Lisa said Allison didn’t have any confidence in her walk and then said Angelea looked crabby and then said Dominique was sexy and confident but then Angela said Dominique was giving too much attitude. Then the girls go at Angelea for a while. Girls yell… even Laura, Angelea gets ghetto, a whole bunch of “fuck ya’lls” and even a kiss my ass follows before Angelea storms out. And there we have Tyrant forcing some more bullshit rags to riches storyline down our throats. Ugh. End this nonsense already. I am over it.
After all that nonsense, the girls get to let loose with “Crete Socialite” and former model Twylem Piper for some party time on an yacht. They head out for a cruise and do some swimming. Then they head out clubbing! Yes! Drunk models! Hilariously, Allison keeps throwing shots over her shoulder so she doesn’t get drunk. Disappointingly, none of them got hammered and screwed a male model and then confessed their sins to their boyfriend at home. Oh Shandi. How I miss you.
The next day, the girls meet up with Mr. J for the photoshoot. This week’s theme is the ancient Olympics. Discus and Javelin and Hurdles oh my! Oh… and Nigel is the photographer!
She really struggled with how she was supposed to handle the javelin at first, but eventually got the handle of it. Nigel liked her performance in the shoot, but confessed he doesn’t feel she has much presence in person. Huh? I’m confused. The photo is… umm… interesting. It looks more Afro Jazz than ancient Olympian. Hahaha. ALT just totally backed me up on that. He said he looked more Masai warrior princess! Nigel defended the photo, but the other judges were not impressed.
She struggled with the discus motion at first. J and Nigel were both concerned with her movement, but eventually she let it go and just did “HER” thing and started to nail it. And, she did nail it. I love the intensity in her face. It’s totally different than what we usually see from her. It’s something new for Allison and the judges love it. Tyrant liked that she merged athletic with fashion. Miss J loved the silhouette.
She got the hurdles and she’s concerned because the panel has given her feedback that they don’t want to see any more jump poses and now she’s being cornered into jumping poses. Actually Lisa, I believe the panel said they don’t want to see any more weird split leaps from you! So… she didn’t jump. But then Nigel said she should jump. So she jumped. And then Nigel liked it. I’m confused too. As for the photo… I hate it. Seriously. The movement is cool, but her face is all kinds of wrong. The judges all thought it was gorgeous though.
She was a little concerned about “all she had goin’ on in the shoot”, but was determined to power through the net over her face and the huge archery set. J said she was actually pulling off a great “Athena”. Nigel LOVED the final photo. He called it stunning and praised her ideas throughout the shoot. I’m not sure it’s stunning, but it is one her better photos.
She had no idea what a shot put was. Seriously. She was totally clueless. Nigel REALLY had to direct all of her movements. He said it was awkward. He actually had to physically place her into poses. All the coaching paid off because she actually delivered an interesting photo. ALT thinks its high fashion. But up close, her face is not rocking it. Tyrant said her whole film was “dead”. There was no smizing. Tyrant she lucked into this shot.
At panel, Miss J was there as special guest judge. With only five left, there is little room for error. So who’s it gonna be? Laura was called first. Really? Huh. Not my fave. Allison was runner up. Third went to Lisa. That left Dominique and Angelea in the bottom two. Good lord. If Angelea survives again, I will die. She gives good confessional for television, but she is NOT a model! Get rid of her. Nope. TRANgelea takes out DRAGinique. Really? How many chances is Angelea gonna get!
To check out all high-res pics from this episode, head over to our ANTM Cycle 17 gallery.