Previously on America’s Next Top Model, the final three took on a romantic photo shoot and all of them delivered… for the most part. Andre Leon Talley was not impressed with Hannah’s foot and she got the boot. She was always cannon fodder. Molly was called out first, continuing her late game surge. Left to fight it out in the finale with her is Brittani. It’s actually a pretty decent final two. Could you imagine if Tyrant had suckered us with Alexandria and Kasia. God. I would’ve died. So here we are. The Blonde vs the Brunette. Hilariously Snarky Molly vs Brittani the Redeemer. Will Tyrant reward Molly’s rise from the heinous weave makeover? Or will Brittani’s comeback from her mid-cycle meltdown be too good a story to ignore? Who will be America’s Next Top Model?

Okay. I gotta say this. It’s my first recap since the cast list for the Cycle 17 all-star edition was announced. OMFG. Do you know how much I raged to see Tyrant pick haggard old drama girls like Dominique, Lisa, Camille, and Alexandria. Awful. Seriously awful. Thankfully Alison and Kayla are in there to give me somebody to root for. The drama might just be too much. And speaking of delusional drama queens… where is Jade? She’s right up there with Camille and Alexandria. Turns out she didn’t like the contract they wanted her to sign. She said it was too one-sided. Hmmmm…. Whatever happened I am so effing glad Jade and her third-person crazy will not be back on my TV. Preach.

So here we are. Down to two. We start off in the bus with the two girls congratulating each other and retelling their sob stories. Molly was adopted and has abandonment issues. She went to rehab. Brittani had a mother with some sort of anxiety disorder and grew up in a trailer park. You can’t even make this shit up. They both talk about why they’re gonna win and how nervous they are about the CoverGirl commercial and shoot.

The next morning they both meet with IMG’s Ivan Bart for some one on one time. This is a huge deal. Tyrant would never admit to it, but I bet IMG gets a veto or something. Molly better turn on that fake charm. She actually did pretty well. Ivan loves Molly’s photos and is impressed that she goes from “pretty girl” to model with such ease. Brittani also managed to impress him. He likes her look and attitude and said he’s looking forward to seeing her on the runway.

Next up it’s some Mr. J time for the CoverGirl shoot and commercial. They will be working with photographer Pierpaolo Ferrari. The winning photo will become a national print ad. High stakes girls… don’t fuck it up. Surprisingly the product is not the 16 word long cumbersome nonsense we’re used to. It’s Lip Perfection Lip Colour. Wow. Whatever happened to Lip Lining Lake Lap Pump it up Plumb Plump?

During rehearsal for the commercial, Molly seemed to be really relaxed and impressed J with her natural reading. Will she cave under the pressure of the cameras? Yep. A little bit. The nerves seemed to get to her and she wasn’t as smooth and charming as she could have been. She looked stunning though. Brittani on the other hand was caving before she even started. Gurl was crying in hair and makeup and she’s losing her shit. Uh oh. Can she pull it together? Sort of. She got through it, but needed a lot of coaching.

As for the photo shoot, both girls looked stunning in the styling. That lip perfection really is perfection. Hey CoverGirl… there’s your shameless plug. Where’s my cut?


Pierpaolo really liked her retro look. Her bob was pretty fierce. It’s a great photo, but I’m not sold that it is what CoverGirl is about. It’s a little too couture… not commercial. Is this Tyrant sabotage? At panel, the judges seemed to like it… including the startled look. Tyrant said it was stunning. I’m actually surprised. It doesn’t feel right to me.


Pierpaolo the photographer loved shooting Molly. He said she was perfect for a beauty shot. He shouted “Brava Molly!” when she was done. She really did look amazing. And the photo! Holy gay gasping pearl clutch! Gorgeous. The judges loved it too. ALT wanted to frame it and put it in his salon. Nigel loved the way she found the light. Tyrant liked that it was enchanting… almost dangerous, but not intimidating.

No rest for the wicked! The next morning they’re up bright and early for their Italian Vogue shoot. Pierpaolo is there again. Joining him is Italian Vogue stylist Valentina Serra. The two were quite impressed with Brittani’s professionalism. That’s new! As for Molly, she seemed to fade. She looked tired and sad. Uh oh! Snap out of it gurl! Werq! And then… as if it was scripted… the wannabes got home to find Molly’s parents in the house. Awwww. Cue the tearful hugs and gleeful shrieks. Then cue the sad reality that Brittani’s mom didn’t come because of her anxiety disorder. Ouch. Now it’s her time to be sad and low. Good grief. In the end… she at least got to talk via Skype.

Finally… It’s time for the runway challenge. This year, it’s in a gorgeous old palace. It’s a very intimate space for a fashion show. No raised runway or anything. They will be wearing Vivienne Westwood’s Anglomania line. Very youthful. Very fresh. And because Tyrant loves me… Kasia, Alexandria, and Hannah are back to fill out the model ranks on the runway. Oh look! It’s Cycle 15 winner Ann! She’s here too. Still awkwardly gorgeous… but has she learned to walk yet? Kinda. She’s way better than she was, but still not very professional looking.

Molly’s first pass was pretty good. It wasn’t the best runway walks we’ve seen, but her natural attitude really worked with the clothes and styling. The edgy attitude worked. Brittani’s first pass though was better. Her walk was fierce, hard, and fast. She definitely got the better outfit too. Molly’s second pass was way better than her first. Better outfit, more confidence, and she was really feeling the vibe. It was definitely her kind of scene. Brittani’s second run was still impressive. Didn’t love her outfit, but Tyrant called out a “WERK”! She might be going too fast, but she still looks good. For the final pass, the two went out together and did some awkward joint posing. Brittani got a little case of the giggles. The judges were NOT impressed. And then… we have our big OH SHIT moment. Right as they were about to go off stage, Brittani SLIPPED on a rose pedal, stumbled, and did a HEADER into a door frame. Ho. Ly. Shit. Epic crash. Molly helped her up as the crowd gasped.

Wow. Another shocker! They’re both getting makeovers again! WTF. Ivan Bart from IMG wants to give them a more modern look. Damn Tyrant! You are really slipping. He is not loving the looks you gave these two. This has never happened before. The girls usually stagger in to panel looking weary from the runway with bizarre makeup and hair. Not this time. Ivan says they’re real models now and it’s time to whack off some more hair.

At panel, the girls debut their new looks. Gay gasp again! Molly! OMG. They both look great. But Molly! After all that drama with the weave, she’s now rocking this chic boy cut. I actually LOVE it. Brittani looks great too. Take that Tyrant. Mr. J is there as the fourth judge. The judges loved Brittani’s walk, but were concerned that she seemed to break character too much. ALT was concerned that she was rushing, but it still worked. They liked Molly’s walk too, but thought she showed her nerves too much. Brittani gets the edge on this one. She also seemed to get the edge on the video shoot with the judges. She was happy and bubbly, but Molly came off as a “mean girl”. Uh oh. My fave might be going down here. She bounced back with a strong CoverGirl photo and her portfolio is definitely the better of the two. There’s actually little comparison. Hers is much more outstanding. J actually said he was “living for this moment” when talking about Molly’s camel shoot . It’s gonna be close. I’m rooting for Molly… NOOOO. Shitballs. America’s Next Top Model is Brittani. Sigh. It’s ok. She’s pretty and cute… definitely did better this episode… but Molly’s body of work is so much better. Oh well. We all know the winner rarely actually goes very far. Molly will follow in the footsteps of non-winners and actually have a modeling career.

That’s it folks. On to Cycle 17 and the dramatic bitch fest that promises to be All Stars. Thanks for reading!

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ANTM Cycle 16 Photo Gallery

To check out all the portfolio and makeover pics, head over to our ANTM Cycle 16 gallery.