Previously on America’s Next Top Model, dear Brittani decided to take on Alexandria and paid a very heavy price. Yes… Alexandria is the Cycle’s beotch and I can’t stand her, but gurl, don’t start a catfight if you don’t have the claws! I really like Brittani but she wilted under the pressure of being confronted at panel by Holy Tyrant. There was crying, snot dripping, and hyperventilating. Brittani even STORMED off stage. Not good. She almost got herself booted. It was Mikaela who was sent home. Where did that come from? Will Alexandria keep up with her bitchy self-delusional ways? Will Tyrant come to her senses and get rid of her? Can Brittani recover from her breakdown? Who will be eliminated tonight?

Ok. Confessional. I somehow got a full week behind on the recapping. My bad. I was distracted last week, but I assure you it was for a good cause. Thankfully, the ANTM gods decided to do a Cycle recap episode this week. And you know what? There is nothing I hate more than a reCRAP episode. So, I get to catch up on what… and who… went down last week.

We start off with more crying, snot dripping and hyperventilating. Brittani is just losing it in the confessional room. Seriously. Pull yourself together. Snap out of it. Nobody puts baby in a corner! You do not look cute doing this. Oh good. She’s listening. She apologized to Alexandria and they hugged it out. Side note… why is Kasia still here???

They all arrive at a gallery where Tyrant greats them with their portfolios. Looks like it’s GO-SEE time! But first we have to listen to Tyrant’s lesson on portfolios and how amazing she was at being amazing at booking amazing jobs from her amazing photos. We also find out the girls will be heading to Morocco this year for the international destination. But someone has to get eliminated first. I guess there weren’t enough fashion houses in Morocco to do Go-Sees there.

The next day, Kyle Hagler from IMG Models meets the girls to present the Go-See assignment. What is up with that half shaved head? And a denim jacket with leather sleeves? Huh? The girls have four hours to do four different Go-Sees. Go! And, don’t be late!

Most of the girls all bolted for Frankie B. Jeans first. They were all sitting there at the same time. Ummm… hello! You don’t have time to waste! Move on! Thankfully Molly heard me and got back in her car. Alexandria impressed at Frankie B. Same with Brittani and Kasia. The rep thought Jaclyn was just too darn sweet.
Next up was House Casting where the girls had to read commercial lines. The rep didn’t think Molly was friendly enough, but LOVED Alexandria. What! It’s a façade people! Ugh. Meanwhile Brittani and Jaclyn are terribly lost. Where Jaclyn is from there’s a WalMart and a Bush’s Chicken. She don’t need no maps. When she got to House Casting, they were NOT impressed with her southern accent.

At Oday Shakar, Kasia seemed to make a good impression with a couture themed Go-See. Same with Brittani.
Molly was the first to arrive at Smashbox for an athletic Go-See. She didn’t have sports gear on her, but busted out her nude spanks, rolled up her tank, and nailed it. Alexandria made a good impression too.

Miraculously, the girls all ended up at the final destination, Lana Marks, on time. Brittani and Jaclyn only did two of the four Go-Sees. Hannah got some average reviews too. That left Molly, Alexandria, and Kasia as the top three. They get one more Go-See… at Lana Marks! With Lana Marks! Wow. The winner gets to feature in an upcoming Lana Marks campaign. And because ANTM is trying to piss me off this season, Alexandria won. I will NOT be buying a Lana Marks clutch any time soon! And, it turns out she booked all of the other ones too!

The next day, the wannabes all show up at a garbage dump for a couture photo shoot with Nigel Barker and designer Michael Cinco.

Molly

She impressed Nigel with her modelling, but not her cussing at the pooping seagulls. The photo is AMZAING. Not it was ALT’s turn to yell “gorge!”I agree. Love it. Now she just needs to put some the attitude away so Nigel can’t see it.

Hannah

She found a pretty good groove during the shoot and it shows. Nigel praised the photo because it shows she was wearing the dress, not the other way around. I love her face and posture.

Jacyln

Nigel didn’t think she was controlling her face enough in the shoot. The photo is stunning, but Nigel is right… something is off with her face. ALT was not too impressed with her “gauche” hands and arms. Ouch.

Kasia

During the shoot, Nigel wasn’t that impressed with her range. Despite Nigel’s concern the photo is very dramatic and stunning. Tyrant did call her out on the lack of poses though.

Brittani

She had a lot to prove and she went for it. Down on the ground with the garbage! ALT was in love with the end result. Very high fashion and editorial. She might just get her redemption after last week’s nightmare!

Alexandria

“Gorge!” Nigel actually yelled that out during the shoot. Love it. Hate her. The photo, I loathe admitting, is beautiful. Very high fashion.

At panel, Lana Marks is back in action as the guest judge. Damn. That probably bodes well for Alexandria. Molly was told that her sometimes cold attitude when she’s not “on” is what turned the Go-see reps off… including Lana Marks… who would have booked her instead of Alexandria. Shit! Come on Molly, get happy! We need you to take Alexandria down! Oh… and guess what? She got called first! Shoot me. If this girl wins someone else is going to have to do the recap that week. I will lose my shit. Runner up was Hannah. She was followed by Kasia and Brittani. I’m sorry. WHAT?!?! Molly and Jaclyn in the bottom two. You have got to be kidding me. These two have the best overall portfolios this Cycle. I’m torn. Molly is staying! Jaclyn is out. How is Kasia still here over her? Outrage.

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ANTM Cycle 16 Photo Gallery

To check out all the portfolio and makeover pics, head over to our ANTM Cycle 16 gallery.