Previously on America’s Next Top Model, Tyrant was caring enough to give an evening of her time to coach the girls on what type of model they are. In other words, she slapped overdone and fairly inaccurate stereotypes on them. On the flip side, she FINALLY took that heinous animal off of Molly’s head. It only took her 6 episodes to swallow her pride. In other news, Alexandria continued to cause drama, but Monique decided to step up her bitching. It cost her. After the group shots, she was sent packing. And somehow Kasia keeps doing well. I don’t get it. Can the blow up doll keep up the pace? Can Mikaela live up to her bone structure? Will Molly rock it out with her own hair? Who will be eliminated tonight?

First off, HUGE thank you to Nic for recapping last week. I was away at a family wedding in Bucks County Pennsylvania. And you know what? Thank god I didn’t have to recap that ep. Tyrant was in full blown self-absorbed mode. Blah blah blah. I’m so famous. Blah blah blah. People have said horrible things about me. Blah blah blah. Your ass reminds me of me. Wait. What? She actually slapped Monique’s ass on her way out! Okay… maybe I did miss out on a good rant.

We start off this week with the girls congratulating Brittani on getting top photo for the first time. Yay Brittani. We like Brittani. We like her even more because she hates Alexandria and thinks she should’ve gone home. Mikaela tells us she was shocked to be in the bottom two. She’s pissed about it. Back at the house Molly and Brittani continue the Alexandria hate-a-thon and we get a “best of” montage. It just reminded me that I am so NOT an Alexandria fan. She counters in confessional by telling us the girls should keep bringing it because it is just “more fuel for my fire, bitches”. Meow.

The next day, the wannabes meet up with Nigel at Smashbox Studios. Yum. How is it that Nigel Barker has not aged in 16 cycles. He is so right up my alley. I wonder what he looks like with some scruff. Wow. Can someone photoshop that for me? Thanks. The sexy, noted fashion photographer lets them know they will be doing some breast cancer awareness work with Ford’s Warriors in Pink campaign. It’s a photoshoot challenge. The winner gets a print ad for the campaign.

Jaclyn was “courage”. She looked great. Kasia was “heart” and looked bloated. Brittani’s symbol was the dove and struggled to emote. Ugh. That’s the LAST thing you admit to Nigel.

Pause. WTF. There is a commercial on now for Ford. Nigel is in it. He has hair. Ew. I take back what I said above. Seriously. WTF. Shave that HEINOUS early 90s hairdo off Nigel! You’re noted and sexy… NOT dated and tacky!

Back to the show. Hannah’s symbol was the spiral and she looked cute. Mikaela had war paint on and was pretty fierce, but Nigel was not impressed. Molly had “angel wings”. I didn’t see any angel wings, but she sure looked pretty. Alexandria was last. She had the “tree of love”. Nigel thought it was gorgeous. I’m with Brittani… didn’t think it was that great. Ultimately, she won. Ugh! Nigel. You are dead to me. This relationship is over. Brittani and Alexandria then decided to yell at each other in front of everyone.

After her win (which included a car!), Alexandria came back and the girls agreed to give her the silent treatment. It’s driving her mental. I love it… but then she goes on about being “alpha” and the “lioness” and I am less loving it. Get off my tv! Tyrant you torture me with crazy people.

The next day the girls head to Universal Studios where the Js perform a lame ass Psycho skit to set up the photoshoot. I was loving Mr. J’s unibrow btw. Joining them is photographer Miguel Starcevich and stylist Eric Damn of Gossip Girl fame. The theme is “crazy for”.

Molly

Crazy for accessories. As for the photo. I kinda love it and I’m kinda blah. I ADORE that she nailed rich and trashy all at the same time, but I can’t see enough of her face and eyes, which are usually so gorge. That lip is amazing. Sexy trash. The judges actually really liked it. Tyrant nailed my point… sex appeal and lunacy all in one.

Mikaela

Crazy for sales. I love that she went for movement, but I can’t see her best feature… that face. It’s not my favourite photo and I think the crew gave her too much shit to work with. It looks cluttered. The judges were blah about it too.

Kasia

Crazy for hair. UGH and OMG. Look at her ankle! What is going on there? It looks broken and it’s all I can see. I’m not loving the peppy sexbomb thing either. Joanie did that so much better back in the day. Nigel and Eric liked the eyes, but I think it’s just too tacky.

Jaclyn

Crazy for makeup. WOW. Seriously. WOW. You can barely recognize the squeaky southern belle in this one. Fierce. She nailed trashy, but did it in SUCH a hot and sophisticated way. Her best photo so far. She needs to be called first for this one. Nigel agreed with me that it was her best photo to date. ALT loved it too.

Hannah

Crazy for handbags. Jay thought she was a “hot crazy mess”. I’m not too sure what’s going on here. Like Mikaela, they gave her too much crap. And, the whole scared thing? She looks fake scared… not real scared. Her lips look amazing though. The judges didn’t agree with me. Tyrant thought it was fantastic, but admitted she fluked into it.

Brittani

Crazy for shoes. I’m on the fence with this one too. Usually I really like Brittani, but I don’t get the look. She’s beautiful, but it doesn’t say anything to me. They picked a weird photo too. For most of the shoot she was jumping and screaming… I feel a Tyrant sabotage coming. Nigel thought it was sweet and ALT actually liked the emotion in her eyes. I don’t get it.

Alexandria

Crazy for faux fur. As much as I want to hate her, this is a pretty great shot. Like Molly and Jaclyn, she found the trashy/sexy look. It’s very Gossip Girl slash Mary Kate and Ashley. Great photo, but I stay dislike her strongly. Eric loved the high fashion nature of the photo, but the rest felt it was missing the “crazy”.

At panel, the regulars were joined by Eric Daman for judging. Nigel brought up the earlier drama between Alexandria and Brittani… and then the poor girl imploded. Both of them were crying and making damn fools of themselves. Ugh. Tyrant then gives Brittani a big old speech about respecting the business and the client. Brittani loses it and storms off set. OH SNAP! DRAMA.

Backstage, we find her curled up on the ground and Tyrant urges everyone to keep on going. When she comes back, she is nearly hyperventilating and Tyrant is NOT impressed. This girl is as good as gone. Shit. We then get a lot of backstage action with the girls coming clean and telling Alexandria that they don’t like her. The judges then debate Brittani. All the men like her and think she should get a second chance, but Tyrant wants her to go home. Tension! So what’s gonna happen? We haven’t seen this much drama since Tyra yelled at Tiffany and I named her Tyrant. After all that, first photo was Jaclyn. Well deserved. Runner up was Molly. Also well deserved. She was followed by Hannah, Kasia, and Alexandria. That left Brittani and Mikaela in the bottom two. I am NOT happy about this. Tyrant lost. Brittani is staying and she’s not happy about it. Can she recover? We’ll see.

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ANTM Cycle 16 Photo Gallery

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