Previously on America’s Next Top Model, Alexandria officially became one of my most loathed wannabes in all 16 cycles. No joke. She’s right up there with Robyn, Melrose, Jade, and Bree. Her winning ways, both the Go-See challenge and first call out, only exacerbated my disdain. She looks old, she’s fake, she’s bossy, and she brings the worst out in everyone else. Sigh. I guess I should just get used to her being around. Drama breeds stories that feed Tyrant’s editors. The other shiteous news was Jaclyn’s incredibly undeserved elimination. She had some GORGE shots this cycle. Gone too soon… especially when blow up doll Kasia is still in the running. Tonight, they’re off to Morocco. Who will get spit on by a camel first? Who will complain about sand in their coochies? How badly will Tyrant deliver a mangled Middle Eastern accent? Who will be eliminated tonight?

In off-topic other news, President Obama finally showed off his birth certificate today and made Donald Trump look like the total ass we all know him to be. Who in the hell is Donald Trump to rant and rave about the President’s birth. That jackass should be sued and then shoved under a waterfall so we can all see what he looks like when that rat’s nest of a hair-do comes unglued. Trumprant over. Back to Tyrant!

Not wasting any time with silly animated airplanes, we start off this week in Marrakesh. Oh look! A camel! We wouldn’t want to project any stereotypes on Top Model though… would we? The top five are all stoked to be there. Alexandria talks about being misunderstood. I tune her out. Molly is a little stressed about how everyone thinks she walks around wanting to kill people. She’s exaggerating, but she doesn’t want to be seen as the angry girl. She confesses that it might have something to do with abandonment issues from being adopted. Oh no. Not Molly! No more sob stories! Just own your shit and model! The only good thing happening is the joke Hannah just made about “camel toes”. Lols.


Ew. Now there are cobras. I hate snakes. Thankfully we get a break from the monkeys, snakes, and camels when the two Js showed up. They’re off to explore the city, get some culture, and check out the city’s fashion. Free time in Morocco! Somehow I don’t think it’s gonna end up drunk in a hot tub with male models. Boo.

Later in the day, the wannabes meet up with ALT (Andre Leon Talley) at the Villa Amir to meet designer Noureddine Amir. They are going to wear some of Amir’s pieces and show off their walks. Kasia can’t find a piece to fit her. She’s upset and crying. If Janice Dickinson were there, she’d say… “suck it up. It’s fashion!” When they did squeeze her in, she impressed because she was the only one clever enough to pack heals with her for the day. The other girls walked barefoot… except Alexandria. She wore white socks. Hilarious. ALT almost died.

After a little tea time with ALT, the girls finally get to see their place. It’s pretty gorge. Alexandria is amazed that it is “so not America”. Ummm… Duh. After some usual bed drama, they finally get to call it a day.

In the morning, the wannabes head off for their first Moroccan photo shoot. Guess what? Camels! Yep. They are posing on camels. Sounds like the styling is going to be so SATC2. For those troglodytes out there, that’s Sex and the Cite 2. Their photographer this week is Michael Woolley.

Brittani

She seemed to impress the photographer and Jay on the shoot. The actual shot is definitely dynamic. I love how she played with that long veil. Nigel likes the androgyny. Franca thought she was beautiful but was concerned that it didn’t look natural enough. ALT and Tyrant are on the like side too.

Molly

She decided to try and fake it up and appear less of a bitch. Love her. Jay said she nailed the shoot too. He loved the tension she brought to her shots. I love the final shot. LOVE. Franca agrees with me. She thinks it’s natural. ALT loves that he can see the message in the clothes. She is modeling and telling a story.

Kasia

She definitely struggled in the shoot. She didn’t know how to work her shape. The photographer said it was “painful” shooting her. Uh oh. The actual shot is… interesting. Definitely not as dynamic as the other ones, but she went for an intensity that kinda works. Franca didn’t think it was strong enough though. ALT agreed with her.

Alexandria

She kept trying to sweet talk the photographer but he called her out so bad. It was awesome. She really struggled. Jay called it “contrived”. I liked the look of the photo from far out. Standing on the saddle was a good move. The judges are definitely on the fence. Nigel thinks her legs are a bit weird and ALT is not impressed with the tension in her mouth. Oh shit! He’s worried that it looks like she’s constipated. Yes! Franca liked it though… no! Tyrant called her out on the photographer’s comments that she seemed to over direct. Yes!

Hannah

She really brought some new and different energy to the set. Both Jay and the photographer were impressed with the “atmosphere” she brought. The final shot is great. Like Molly’s, she found a natural way to work the clothes, model, and be in the moment.

At panel, Franca Sozzani from Italian Vogue was back to preside as guest judge. You know Tyrant won’t let her keep someone she doesn’t like. Fingers crossed for a Kasia/Alexandria bottom 2! Before we get to that we get to see MOLLY called first! Awesome. She was followed by Brittani and Hannah. Amazing! Perfect bottom 2. So who is going home? The delusional director or the blow up doll? It’s the blow up doll. Sorry Kasia… drama outweighs weight. Tyrant has spoken.

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ANTM Cycle 16 Photo Gallery

To check out all the portfolio and makeover pics, head over to our ANTM Cycle 16 gallery.