Previously on America’s Next Top Model, Ann was finally dethroned as Queen Wannabe. After five consecutive first photos, she lost because she was less of a man than Liz. Seriously. How did Liz become the first girl to knock Queen Ann of Tyrantsylvania off the top? Isn’t she the same girl that Mr. Jay has been bitching about all cycle long? How did that happen? Oh right… she got to fugly it up as John Galiano. Gurl, you win ‘cause you’re a man. How’s that for a compliment! Can Ann bounce back? Will this year’s twist be tucks for all the dumbo ears flying around? I’m looking at you Esther! Who will be eliminated tonight?
OMG. Did anyone watch Modern Family tonight? I died. Mitchell in the SpiderMan suit! Epic. Oh… and while we’re off topic… is anyone watching Nikita? I’m loving it. I kinda wish Nikita still had that hot super spy guy tied to her bed. He was hot. Nice undies too. Now back to our regularly scheduled CW crap fest that we can’t live without.
We start off this week with the inevitable boastful confessional from Liz. Rah rah! I have soooo turned on her… not sure why. Ann tells us she’s nervous because everyone has been improving so much. That’s not why you should be nervous Queen Ann. You should be nervous because Tyrant loves to kick early favourites out once they stop “growing”. Is there a way I can turn Tyra/Tyrant into Transparent? Hmmm… Tyransparent? That was too easy.
After Tyra Mail arrives, the girls all scream their best little screams because Miss J showed up in the house. She lets them know that the girls will be strutting their stuff in a Zac Posen fashion show for this week’s challenge. Yay! Zac Posen then runs in the room. Double Yay. The girls scream some more. Zac lets them know that the show will include professional models, so the wannabes better WERK! The winner gets five looks from Zac’s new line.
The next day, the girls arrive on location. Zac is super hands-on with the girls and their fittings. It’s cool to see a designer of his caliber really getting in there with the girls. But, let’s not fool ourselves. He’s got shit to sell and he is selling it. Hello product placement! Meanwhile, Miss J is off causing major mischief. He tells the professional models to bitch it up and become the stereotypical MEAN GIRLS to the ANTM wannabes. Fun! I can’t wait to see some fur fly! Miss J wants to see if the girls can hold their composure after getting shaken up.
As Zac does quick check-ins with the wannabes about their walks, the professional models start sneering from the side. LOLs. Zac rips Chris for being to draggy with all the pros watching. Loves it! Chris tells us that she doesn’t give a damn. Some of the pros were REALLY good bitches. One of them tells Ann that she’s lucky to be on ANTM because she would never book a Zac Posen show otherwise. Harsh! She totally got psyched out.
As for the actual show, Jane is the very first one down the runway. She looks super cute. Liz and Kayla did pretty well too. Ann, of course, was a bit of a disaster. She looked like she was on stilts and almost fell down. Eek. Chris and Chelsey both looked pretty good after Ann’s total awkwardness. Esther looked pretty bad though. The top she was wearing in the second go ‘round made her giant tits look really awful. Her whole walk seemed wonky as a result. Zac Posen called her a “mess”. Ouch. At the end of it, Zac chose Chelsey as the winner. She’s thrilled.
The next day, Nigel and Mr. Jay show up to surprise the girls with their first commercial shoot. This should be interesting. The shoot is for H2T Beauty and Energy water. Never heard of it. The girls are gonna have to deliver the shoot on roller skates. And, the male models are back! Kayla was not impressed that they might have to get intimate with the boys. She confides in Mr. Jay that she is uncomfortable kissing men. She was sexually assaulted when she was eleven. Mr. Jay does his best to talk to her and support her. He’s actually really smart and sweet about it. They hug it out.
Before we get to the actual shoots for the girls, Nigel runs through the blocking and lines. He even gets all up close and personal with a male model. Yummers! Time for a little ANTM fan fiction!
She struggled with her lines at the beginning, and she certainly could have used some sunglasses. She was really squinting. You could really see her awkwardness when she had to get all intimate with the guy. She froze. But, she managed to push through it and be cute. In her final take, she mangled a lot of words, but she got through it… which is more than some of the other girls.
She went into it really cocky, telling us she had her lines down. But, as soon as she got on camera she started missing her lines and giggling. Nigel worried that she wasn’t taking it seriously. The take they showed at panel was horrendous. It was a total joke. She bombed most of her lines and was nowhere near professional. Nigel called her an “absolute utter mess”.
As soon as the camera turned on her… it TURNED on her. She was soooo dull. That dullness came through in her final take too. She wasn’t the total disaster that Ann was, but it totally fell flat.
Poor girl struggled on her skates. She was really fumbling around and that made it hard to deliver her lines. However, the final take was SUPER cute. She connected really well with the male model and the judges said she had a “magic moment”.
Freckles had the same problem as Jane. She was stumbling physically and making really weird squeaking noises as she did it. There were some cute moments in her final take, but it was just pretty average.
She was definitely the most confident girl of the day during the shoot. She had her lines memorized, she was cool on the skates, and she let her personality bubble up. Her final take earned a round of applause from the judges even though it was pretty high on the cheese scale. She mugged a little too much, but her confidence did come through.
She freaked out before it even began. She was in TEARS because she was worried about falling and making a fool of herself. She did too. She fell… HARD. That has got to hurt. She saved the drink though! Snaps for Ann! For the rest of the shoot, they had to put pads on the poor girl. This is not looking good. She and Esther have zero chemistry when it comes to commercials. Her final take was pretty weak. She looked like she was on the verge of crying the whole time. The judges thought she was in deep pain.
At panel, Zac Posen is back with us to serve as this week’s guest judge. It’s pretty clear that Ann will not make a comeback this week. She might even land in the bottom two! So who will take top spot? It certainly won’t be back-to-back weeks for Liz either. She was terrible. It’s Chris! Jane was called second. She was followed by Chelsey, Kayla, and Liz. Oh shit! Ann is in the bottom two with Esther! Drama! There’s no way she’s going home. No way. Would Tyrant really do that? Nope. Ann is safe. See ya Esther!