Previously on America’s Next Top Model, Tyrant kicked off the competition with a lesson in self-esteem and body image. Obviously. Where would American girls be without Tyrant Banks! After a fairly lackluster photoshoot, apparent front-runner Anamaria got the boot. She was WAY too skinny… even for the cycle of high fashion. She was a bit of a cow, so I ain’t hating on Tyrant for that one. Crazy looking Ann emerged as the awkward one to beat. Can she get top photo two weeks in a row? Who will breakdown during the makeovers? Thirteen wannabes remain… who will be eliminated tonight?

We start off this week with Drew Barrymore talking about CoverGirl’s legendary bold lash blast bolder shade duo smoky shadowblast lashblast. Oops sorry. That was a commercial. That shit is crazy. I’d be really curious to see the market research on the CoverGirl campaigns. They throw so much tongue-twisting jargon and gimmicky slogans around in one commercial that it’s hard to follow. Any marketing folks want to chime in on this one? Lash blast away smoky shadow blast!


Back to the show! Ann is thrilled to see her pic up on the wall in the condo. She feels special. Awe. Cute. Now fix those teeth! Sara then starts passing around photos of her 14 month old son. Gawd. Do we have to have the sob left my child behind storyline every year!? Enough already. Next thing we know there’ll be a single mother who’s going blind too! Oh wait… we already had that in Cycle 3. Next! Oh great. Two moms are here. Ugh. I said next!

Just to torture me a little bit more, Tyrant actually shows up at the condo. What now? More life lessons? Nope. Thank god. It’s makeover time! Praise Jesus and the saints and all the prophets. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah Yeah. What if God was Tyrant Banks? Just a slob like one of us? Just a stranger on the bus? Would we really give a damn? Joan Osborne? Is that you? Where did you come from? I’m losing my mind.

After Tyrant’s initial rundown of the makeovers, the girls seemed pleased. After she left, Liz found a piece of paper on the floor with details about the makeovers. Looks like Tyrant left it by mistake. My guess is it’s a set up, but it certainly has the girls freaking out. I mean, who would believe “apricot perm extensions” and “sewn in strawberry blonde afro”. Turns out it was a fake.

During the makeovers, it is salon owner Mathew Preece leading the way with the Jays. Here’s the makeover rundown. Some definite hits and some definite misses.

Kayla
From sometimes way too curly blonde to fluorescent red. I don’t know if red can actually be fluorescent, but dayum. I’m on the fence. Not a fan of the Saleisha/Tootie/My mom in 1979 esque bob.

Ann
From mousey plain brown to big sexy copper extensions. I think she looks hot.

Kendall
From slicked back nothing much to sexy Naomi Campbell weave. Love it.

Liz
From confused punk lite to lesbians who look like Justin Bieber. She is not loving her new boy-chic look and neither am I. Too reminiscent of Cyce 5’s Coryn. Way to manly.

Kacey
From a big ol’ weave to a bigger ol’ weave and some contacts. She looks good.

Sara
From average all American blonde to deep chocolate brown and no eyebrows. WTF. Love the hair. HATE the bleached eyebrows. Heinous!

Chelsey
From gapped tooth strawberry blonde to wider gapped tooth and ice blonde. I can’t believe they actually made her gap bigger! I’m not sure I like the hair. She had a good sprinkle of ginger going on before and now it looks incredibly unnatural.

Chris
From a head full of braids to weave weave weave. I love the curls.

Terra
From mousey bad dye job to edgy high fashion swoosh. She hated it and cried… but I kinda dig it. She looks like a black Natalie Imbruglia from the Torn video.

Lexie
From just another blonde to just another brunette. Not a very inspiring makeover.

Esther
From just another mousey brunette to flowing jet black. I adore the dark hair on her. Fierce.

Rhianna
From blah blah mousey brown to super long flowing mousey brown. Meh.

Jane
From big jaw and brown hair to big jaw and highlights. She looks good. I’m just glad she didn’t get the typical super short cut for the super edgy face Tyrant likes so much.

After all the makeovers were done, the Jays dropped a big bomb. One of the girls will be going home tonight! Gasp. They didn’t waste any time either. Just like that, Terra got the boot. Damn! She’s devastated. I’m actually surprised. I didn’t see that coming. Oh well… looks like a double elimination night! Bring on the photo shoot!

The next day, the girls head to the beach where Jay is there in this week’s gimmick. He’s got big black wings on his arms. He’s a fallen angel. Gag. The girls are gonna be flying for the photo shoot. Photographer Anne Menke is on set and ready to go. The girls will be hanging from wires as angels falling from the sky. And, they have to portray an emotion. Here to save the day are some hot shirtless men. Excellent. Ooh… tight little black shorts. I like it.

Esther – Fearless
She struggled as the orthodox Jew lusting for the Jesus lookalike. Nigel didn’t get what she was going for and Tyrant thought she was too blank in the face.

Liz – Power/Victory
Jay thought she was a pain in the butt on the shoot. The judges had mild praise for the photo. I think the illusion is cool, but it’s just pretty average.

Kayla – Evil
The photographer and Jay were loving Kayla. The judges were actually surprised that Kayla’s subtle approach to “evil” worked so well. The finger on the chin and her mouth made the pic. Well done.

Sara – Seductive
She struggled with finding her inner seductress. This shot is more ballerina than anything else. I’m not impressed. Neither are the judges.

Kacey – Rebellious
She spent most of the time flirting with her male model. I like her body language in this, but ALT thought she looked flat. I was just staring at his package. Woof.

Rhianna – Hopeless/Sultry
I’m not sure what those words have to do with one another, but she did pretty well. The judges were really impressed with the way she used the male model as a prop and kept the focus on her.

Chelsey – Mysterious
Jay and Anne were both super impressed with her on set. She didn’t quite hit mysterious, but this is a pretty good photo. The judges were impressed too.

Chris – Heartbroken
Jay loved her body language and the shot turned out pretty. She does look heartbroken and her body language is way better than many of the other girls. Not too dancey. Tyrant said it stood out only because so many of the other girls sucked. Woah. Harsh.

Jane – Scorned
She was another one who impressed on set, but it didn’t seem to translate to film. She missed the whole scorned thing and the judges didn’t like the photo.

Kendal – Desire/Lust
Tyrant didn’t feel the lust. She said it looked more like mother and son. Uh oh. Incest!

Ann – Longing
She definitely had the hottest model for my taste. Wouldn’t be HARD to LONG for him. Tee hee. Once again the judges think her shot is fabulous. I love it too, but the way her hip and leg are sitting just looks weird.

Lexie – Predatorial
She failed to impress on the set. Anne, the photographer, said she probably shouldn’t even be a model because her body isn’t right for it. Ouch. Even she was disappointed in her photo. It wasn’t intense enough.

At panel, Patricia Field is there as this week’s guest job. She’s titled “fashion visionary”. Pfft. What is that? Oh. She styles Sex and the City AND has an EMMY. My bad. Tyrant was not impressed with the overall quality of the photos and she let the girls know they need to step it up. When all was said and done, Tyrant called Kayla, Chelsey, Chris and Ann out first. All four of them! Apparently they were the only ones that did a good job. Tyrant wanted to acknowledge them all… but ultimately it was Ann who got best photo. Two weeks in a row. Runner-up was Kayla. Chelsey and Chris rounded out the group of four. Then Tyrant started calling the other girls… Rhianna, Liz, Jane, Kacey, Kendal, and Esther. That left Lexie and Sara in the bottom two. My money is on Lexie going home after what the photographer said. Nope. It’s Sara and her terrible new non eyebrows going home. Huh. Oh well. She’s heading home to see her son.

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