Previously on America’s Next Top It Doesn’t Matter Which Munchkin Wins Because Neither Will Ever Have A Career, the wannabes continued their adventure in Hawaii and Tyrant continued her cheap ass budgeting by eliminating two girls to save some production costs. Jennifer and Erin both got the boot after some hard core hula hip hop nonsense. That left Nicole (the one who can’t take a bad photo) and Laura (the one who wears couture by her Gramma) to duke it out in the finale. Who will win? Who will be America’s Next Top Model?

I have to wonder… does Laura even have a shot? Sure country bumpkin is cute, but Nicole has outclassed her at every turn. Nicole’s Achilles heal could be the CoverGirl challenge. Will it be a photo shoot or a commercial? If it’s a commercial, her awkwardness could result in a Laura upset. And we really haven’t seen enough of them on the runway to know who has a better walk. This could get interesting.

We start off the finale with Laura and Nicole, both in disbelief, talking about being the final two. They’re an interesting pair. Awkward vs Friendly. Edgy vs Commercial. Urban vs Country. Nicole sounds like she’s high and Laura sounds like she’s got a mouth full of marbles. Can either of these girls deliver television campaign? I don’t know.

CHECK OUT THE ANTM CYCLE 13 GALLERY. CLICK ON THE PICTURE ABOVE

The first Tyra Mail arrives and the girls get their scripts for the commercial. Time to memorize, but Laura’s worried about her dyslexia. When the girls meet Mr. Jay, they’re told about the challenge. It will be a television commercial and a print shoot. Teyona, last Cycle’s winner shows up, to talk about the product… Lash Blast Mascara. Teyona is terrible. I can’t believe she won. Then Nigel joins the party as the photographer. I would so not kick Mr. Barker out of bed. Woof.

Nigel really liked Nicole’s performance in the shoot, but then we cut to Laura who is really struggling with the lines. She sounds super country too. Mr. Jay liked her energy though and she looked adorable. Then it’s Nicole’s turn. She LOOKS beautiful, but she’s stumbling too. Mr. Jay says it comes off as too privileged. Hmmm. Interesting. Then we cut to Laura getting her photos done. She smiles and says she’s thinking about milkshakes. Nigel was a little confused about that. So far this episode, it’s a tie.

As for the actual photos, both are beautiful. Laura’s is soft and pretty… very girl next door. That could be a good thing. CoverGirl has a wide market. But is she lacking some model “it” factor and sex appeal? It would make a great headshot for a soap opera star. As for Nicole, it too is pretty… and there is more sex appeal. She looks hot! She just screams model. Whereas Laura may be the daytime soap star, Nicole is prime time. Hello Sidney from Melrose Place!

Laura’s CoverGirl Photo

Nicole’s CoverGirl Photo

Once the girls get back to the house, Ann Shoket arrives for ANOTHER photoshoot… the Seventeen cover shot with photographer Gilles Bensimone. Love him. It’s very teeny bopper… obviously. Ann thought both girls rocked it.

After the Seventeen shoot, the girls get ANOTHER Tyra Mail. Shit. I’m having troubles keeping up, but my boyfriend needs the computer to do some homework. I’m not allowed to rewind. Fuck. Since when did academic enrichment come before Top Model!? Outrage.

Anyways, Tyra Mail lets us know that the final runway is gonna be intense. It’s a mother fucking walk off bitches! I love a good walk off. But first, we have to sit through the Tyrant one on one inspirational/emotional connection segment with each of the girls. Barf. Less Tyrant, more modeling.

Once we actually get to the runway, we learn that Erin, Brittnay, Sundai, and Jennifer are all back! What! They’ll be walking the runway too. WTF. Wait. I get it. Tyrant needed some short girls to make sure the finalists don’t look like total midgets. Lame. Does she think we’re that dumb? When can we go back to REAL models?

All the midgets get covered in glitter and dressed up in Julia Clancy frocks. There’s a big crowd. Cue the music! Cue Mr. Jay spazzing out. Cue Teyona opening the show. Eek. Not good. Nicole went down the runway first. She stomped. And not in a good way. Kinda crazy. Too intense. Laura was next up… and it was a little awkward. Not intense enough.

For round two, the girls are covered in beautiful sheer fabric from head to toe. The wind is gusting something fierce. Very Gaga, but both of them kind of struggled under all the chaos and fabric. It looked cool though.

Round three had the girls in bathing suits with a ton of man made rain. Both girls looked good in the suits, but overall, I thought Laura looked better on the runway. Her walk was just a bit better.

Both girls went to panel in their Julia Clancy frocks. Nicole definitely looks more like a model. The judges seemed to think Laura was more natural on the runway, but thought Nicole actually had a signature walk that could help her stand out. Then the judges took a look back at all the past photos. Nicole’s portfolio is definitely better. A lot better.

We then got to check out the full commercial edited together with both girls. It was actually pretty good. Both girls were flirty and playful and looked like they had a good time together. When the judges took a closer look at individual takes, they were concerned about Laura’s accent. Nigel couldn’t understand what she was saying. They thought Nicole was actually really warm and personable, but forgot to model.

It’s still a toss up! Too close to call! Damn the editors! Finally, after the judges deliberated… America’s Next Top Midget… I mean Model… is …. NICOLE!!!

Wow. I’m actually quite surprised. I thought for sure the editors were setting us up for a Laura win. Poor girl. Laura is bawling! Awww. She’s sweet. But, I’m happy with Nicole’s win. It’s about time they went with an edgy high fashion girl.

That’s it folks. Cycle 13 is over. Thanks for reading. Until next time… this bitch is out!

Click here for Nicole’s ANTM portfolio.

Click here for Laura’s ANTM portfolio.

Related Stories:
• ANTM Cycle 13 Coverage
• ANTM Cycle 13 Episode 10: “Jay Just Peed In His Pants”
• ANTM Cycle 13 Gallery