Previously on America’s Next Top Midget, the girls learned how NOT to give an interview and bungled their way through their first CoverGirl commercial. Tyrant sent Rae home because she didn’t suck as bad as Erin or Sundai and they’re Tyrant’s faves so they can’t go home anyways. Make sense? No? That’s because Tyrant is ridiculous. Only six wannabe short little oompa loompas remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
We start off this week with Erin bemoaning her performance in the commercial. She really was terrible and she probably should’ve gone home for it. In fact, she should go home simply because her bleached eyebrows are starting to look like a slug that’s been covered in salt. Brittany’s now telling us that she’s confident and well-rounded because she’s older and more mature than the rest of the girls. Bitch, you are 21. You don’t know who you are. That’s just some vague concept Europe uses to entice us North Americans to stay in filthy hostels and check out a bunch of churches.
The girls get back to the house to find danger tape all over the place and dudes in hazmat suits cleaning up. Tyrant is there to tell the girls that the house has been condemned because it is “the most disgusting top model house” she has ever seen. Eww. It is pretty heinous. Ants?! Oooo Jesus! Tyra tells the girls they can no longer live in the house. And guess what? They’re going on a trip! SCREAM!
Wait. What? Hawaii? Shut the fuck up.
First of all, when did Hawaii become a fashion capital? This better not be the only trip the midgets go on. BUDGET! What’s up with that? They’re short, so they get a lame trip? I wonder what the girls were thinking when the cameras weren’t rolling. “OMG, Tyra’s such a cheap bitch”. “I know right! She’s so busy doing her damn talk show she can’t be bothered to send us somewhere that actually has an international fashion industry”. “This fucking sucks. All those other bitches got to go to Paris, Milan, Tokyo, Cape Town, London, Bangkok, Barcelona, Sydney, Shanghai, Rome, Amsterdam or Sao Paulo… and we got FUCKING HAWAII”.
Once we get to Hawaii, after an exhausting flight on “Fierce Airlines” (barf), the girls check out their gorgeous pad right on the beach. Too bad about all the Teyona pictures. Tyra Mail then sends the girls to the beach for some surfing lessons with models/surfers Sofia Beschen and Buzzy Kerbox.
Jay shows up to let the girls know that they’re doing a photo shoot challenge. They have to surf tandem with some cute-ish guys and pose at the same time. Too bad about the awful 1950s granny pant swimsuits. Jay named Erin the winner and claimed a helicopter tour for her prize.
When we finally get to the real photo shoot, we learn Tyrant once again is behind the camera as the photographer. And to be extra special controversial and groundbreaking, even though it’s all been done before, Tyra’s gonna switch up their races! Unlike Cycle 4 when the girls all got different “ethnicities” like East Indian and Korean, these wannabes are all gonna be biracial. Tyrant, you are so deep sometimes. Off the deep end that is! And PS… isn’t black face makeup taboo in celebrity land?
As for the pictures, monstrous clichés and stereotyping aside, they’re actually good shots of the girls. I like the lighting, styling and even the wardrobes. I don’t think the “ethnic” makeup was necessary. The art direction was strong enough.
Nicole, like myself, had to ask what Malagasy was. Madagascar! Her other half was Japanese. I LOVE the pose and I love the Geisha inspired outfit, but I gotta say, I’m missing Nicole’s ginger goddessness. This photo is still gorgeous, but it strips her of what has made her stand out so far.
Our Asian princess had to portray Botswanan and Polynesian. I am in LOVE with this photo. She’s not doing much at all, but that’s ok. It’s peaceful, she’s hiding her gimpy eye and she looks beautiful.
Her task was to channel Tibetan and Egyptian. Meh. Her face is pretty, but she looks like she’s getting ready to drop a deuce in the grass. Not the most flattering pose… although I am glad to see her without those heinously dyed blonde eye brows.
She was given Mexican/Greek. I think this is a great shot of Laura when it comes to giving us something different. We have not seen this kind of emotion from her before, but she looks old. Is it the makeup? The lighting? The pose? It’s not her best.
She was given Native American and East Indian. This is such a strong photo. Strong pose, strong face, strong everything. She looks like a real model. AGAIN.
She had to rock Moroccan and Russian. Once again, I am not at all in love with Sundai. Her photos have not been very strong at all… someone else has always sucked harder though. That’s why she’s still here. The stick was a bad choice with that outfit and that hair. She looks so short. I think it’s time for her to go.
At panel, the judges were joined by “supermodel” Kirsty Hume. Tyrant called Nicole first, followed by Jennifer, Laura and Sundai. That left Brittany and Erin in the bottom two. How is Sundai still here! Even Tyrant said she looked like a short Gap Kids 12 year old. Barf. Tyrant then sent Brittany home. What!?! Tyrant, we are SO fighting right now.