Previously on America’s Next Top Shordel (that’s “short model” to those NOT in the know), Tyrant put the girls up against real models for a runway show. Thankfully, her creative genius allowed all of us to see just how big of a farce this season has always been. Lulu and Ashley bitched about Bianca bitching. Nicole judged Lulu and Ashley for judging Bianca’s bitching. Lulu, Cycle 13’s girl-on-girl girl, got the boot. Only 10 shordels remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

We begin this week’s shitfest with Kara celebrating her digital art in the house. I still can’t believe she won. She’s super fug. Brittany is concerned about being in the bottom two last week. She should be concerned because Tyrant is bat crazy for putting her there. Bianca celebrated not being in the bottom two and we got to relive the part where Jesus made her soft. Barf.

Tyra Mail arrives and the girls meet with Sam Fine, a makeup artist who looks WAY too much like Benny Ninja. He teaches the girls how to do a smoky eye. Ummm. Isn’t that a basic all shordels should know? Sam Fine then sends the girls off to meet Nigel Barker and his wife Crissy at Walmart. Walmart? Really! For a makeup challenge! No wonder America is so screwed up these days. Top model = Walmart isle whore. The challenge turns extra trashy when the girls literally have to stampede to get to all the items. Haven’t people actually died at Walmart doing this! After all is said and done, Sundai ended up winning the $1000 Walmart gift card. Awesome. Barf.

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The girls get back to the house and bitch about Erin… well Ashley bitched about Erin. She was playing it rough during the Walmart stampede. That girl needs to shut up. On the way to the photo shoot, Erin finally brokedown in the limo and cries over all the bitching. Not pretty.

At the photo shoot, Tyrant’s actually there, in a terrible jumpsuit, to be the photographer. It’s gonna be a beauty shot. Tyrant actually does these pretty well so I’m looking forward to this shoot. Hopefully, she’s dropped “smize” by now. In a surprise twist, Tyrant tells the girls that the top shot will be picked on the spot. That shordel will be safe at panel.

When all was said and done, Brittany won. Yay! She so did not deserve the bottom two last week. As a second prize she also got to do a photo shoot with a couple male models. One was super fug and the other was just a’ight. Any of the Homorazzi bitches coulda done it better.

Brittany
Had it rough with the scarf over her face, but rocked it. I agree with her win on this one. It was the kind of shoot her face was made for.

Laura
It’s a very pretty and soft shot. Tyrant was complaining about her droopy lip, but I think it adds character.

Sundai
The first time I actually thought she looked pretty. It’s a simple shot, but actually looks like it could be in an ad.

Jennifer
She was all over the place doing some weird writhing and moaning and porning during the shoot. I’m actually on the fence with this photo. It all looks too tight, but I LOVE the makeup.

Bianca
Still thinking about Jesus. She tried to be soft, but I hated the makeup and styling. She looks like a track star, not a model. Nigel totally agreed with me, calling her an athlete at panel.

Rae
Looked so angelic on set and Miss J said she looked Icelandic in her photo. I have to agree. It is a beautiful beauty shot. Fancy that!

Kara
Didn’t model very much and pretty much looked like a bored tranny. After Bianca and Ashley, she’s next on my hit list.

Erin
She impressed Tyrant as a model, but Tyrant was not a fan of her personality. Her shot turned out a little odd. The judges liked it, but I don’t really see the pretty.

Nicole
Another great shot from Nicole. You know I love broken down baby doll. She’s got great angles.

Ashley
Tyrant was frustrated for some reason and kept changing up the styling. She ended up with the scarf in the face too, but definitely did not connect like Brittany.

At panel, China Chow, another short supermodel is the guest judge. She’s gorgeous. And then Laura decided to show up in a HEINOUS baby blue and cream candy striping two piece halter jump suiting OMG shit fest outfit. She should’ve been eliminated for that. I don’t care if Grandma Wanda Sue made it. Wretch.

Brittany, obviously, was called first. Jennifer, Rae, and Nicole were all close behind. The bottom two ended up being a duel of the bitches… Bianca and Ashley. I’d be happy if Tyrant sent them both home, but one bitch had to stay. And that bitch is Ashley. Buh bye Bianca! About time!

Related Stories:
• ANTM Cycle 13 Episode 3: “Talk To Me About Jesus”
• ANTM Cycle 13 Episode 2: “Fortress of Fierceness
• ANTM Cycle 13 Coverage