Previously on America’s Next Top Model, the sh*t hit the fan. Seriously, what else can I say? I could go on about Tyrant’s ongoing attempts to brand the wannabes (this year as superheroes), or I could jump right into the crazy that was Louise losing it at panel, calling Kelly Cutrone rude and vice versa, freaking out in tears, storming out, and quitting. Her picture was gorgeous, but it wasn’t enough to shut the judges up so she tried to shut THEM up. It didn’t work. Louise’s sudden departure spared the rest of the girls from elimination and there was some serious crap to choose from. I’m looking at you Alisha and Eboni. So what drama awaits us tonight? Will we finally get a normal photo shoot with some actual quality? Will Tyrant give someone a lame speech about branding? Only 11 girls remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

So, the other day I was reading some interview Tyrant gave about how the character she portrays on ANTM is just a character and that she’s actually more like the person from her talk show. She wants to go back to the “magic” of Cycle 1 and pull back from her “character” that has developed over the last 18 Cycles. Interesting… right? I’ve been yelling at her for years… all the way back to Cycle 3 or 4 to do this! Is she finally listening? Did the Angelea debacle finally let her see the light? Did she read my article on how to make the show great again? I sure hope so! Read it here. Here’s another little thought for Tyrant to chew on… she, nor her character, are what makes this show great. The amazingness comes from modeling in interesting photo shoots and the models themselves.

We start of this week right where we left off. The wannabes are all backstage after panel dealing with Louise’s crazy departure. The Brits are crying and concerned that none of them have won best picture. But, there’s hope… the Yanks seem to be fighting with each other for no reason. Eboni is upset that the judges likened her to a prostitute and how she’s not living up to the youthful, “30-never” moniker Tyrant gave her. Eboni RIGHTLY points out that’s not who she is, just who Tyrant wants her to be! Hell yeah gurl. Tell it like it is… just not to Tyrant’s face or she’ll cut you.

Back at the house, Tyra Mail arrives asking the girls if they can turn their super powers into super sales. UGH. Tyrant! Go back and read the second paragraph please. Stop making this show about artificial branding. Please. Whatever the challenge is, it involves Miss J Alexander. She’s wearing a god awful wrap with a samurai pony and some hideous peach/tan off the shoulder blouse. She’s there with branding “futurist” (whatever the f*ck that is) Martin Lindstrom. I’m already annoyed. He outlines the challenge… they have to develop a TV commercial for a random product, sell it, and show off their spokesperson skills. Winner gets some diamonds. Sophie was cute and adorable. Alisha and Annaliese were great too. Ashley gave us a good giggle selling some scented toilet paper… adlibbing that you can use it downstairs to smell fresh for your boyfriend. Everyone laughs… she tells us in her amazing Scottish brogue, “my mum’s gonna think that my boyfriend smells my arse”. Love it. AzMarie was kinda wah wah. Laura was a bit off. Kyle was boring and dry. Overall the Brits had more personality than the Yanks.

So who won??? Turns out they are going to put the commercials in front of actual focus groups. Oh… this could be fun! Real people in a room behind a two-way mirror can be BRUTAL. Frist up… AzMarie. Ugly dude with a pony tail didn’t think anything worked with her. Then it was Laura’s turn. She was called ghetto. Catherine was messy. Then it was Alisha’s turn. Some guy said he didn’t like the “African accent”. The girls secretly listening in another room all collectively GASPED and hollered some noises. Miss J’s mouth was so far open it looked like he was going down on a watermelon. Candace was too forceful. Ashley was a total fail. Some woman liked Seymone… I mean SeyROID. Sophie was cute and they thought she should advertise for CoverGirl. Ooooh. Score. They also liked Annaliese. They also seemed to like boring Kyle because she was likeable. Eboni slammed for talking about pretty when she wasn’t even that pretty. Snap. Get that down in the Burn Book! Then for some reason Alisha and Eboni started yelling at Kyle because they thought they were better than her even though she got good feedback. Kyle storms out. I’m confused. Whatever… the winner was ultimately Annaliese. Good choice.

The next day the wannabes meet Mr. J and Nigel Barker (this week’s photographer) for the photo shoot. They’ve got some pimped out convertibles and some pimped out men ready for the shots. It’s a mix of American car culture and British fascinators! Love this. Finally… a shoot with potential.

AzMarie

OMG. I loved loved loved her whole look. So freakin’ hot. Nigel could not stop saying “gorge” during the shoot. Her final pic is AWESOME. She nailed it. Miss J said she was “living” for this photo.

Catherine

She had a great fascinator to work with and was really experimenting with an interesting pose during the shoot. I really like the photo. I think she looks really interesting, her face is telling a story and the wind in the scarf is cool. Of course, Kelly Cutrone has nothing nice to say. She says it’s not sexy at all. I think Kelly Cutrone is not sexy at all.

Alisha

She was really trying to work her legs in the shoot… which is great and all… but I wasn’t loving the subtle colours in her outfit. Tyrant liked her face in the photo, but it’s a miss for me. Too much leg. Too much grrr.

Kyle

She was rocking a great dress (kinda overpowering the fascinator) and Mr. J was loving her during the shoot. I love her final pic too. Great pose, great legs, she’s showing off the outfit. Love. The judges all raved about it too. Kelly called her a “nasty power bitch” and then Tyrant said she looked like the girl next door who snuck out of the house. Oh Tyrant… hold onto that artificial branding thing no matter what. You can do it. Ugh ugh ugh.

Ashley

Both Nigel and J thought she was gorgeous and easily nailed the shot they needed. Nigel loved the final pic. Me too. She really worked the wind and dress together.

Seymone

She seemed to struggle during the shoot. Nigel had to press pause because she was so lost and give her a lecture. She seemed to bounce back. Her final pic is pretty boring. Tyrant likened it to a wah wah parade photo. Not fashion at all. Kelly said it had no fierceness.

Annaliese

Loved the big hot pink fascinator. And, she seemed to impress J who yelled out GORGE-OUS. I like the photo, but it’s not the knock out it seemed like it would be. The judges said she looked short because she had her legs to far apart.

Laura

She had some amazing styling to work with. Love the hat, the hot pink lips, and outfit. Nigel loved her in the shoot. OK… this photo is epic. Along with AzMarie’s, it is the best of the season so far. Everything about it works. Everyone loves it too.

Candace

She still wasn’t moving away from the whole pushed out pucker lips thing. Not that impressive. OMG. This final pic is awful. She could be soooo pretty, but she’s trying so hard to pose that it falls flat. There’s no life or spark.

Sophie

She looked great, but Nigel seemed pretty hard on her during the shoot. The judges were all pretty hard on her too at panel. I actually like the photo but Nigel complained that she didn’t get it together quick enough and he couldn’t get a shot that worked with the bouncing cars.

Eboni

She was looking a little wedding in the styling, but it seemed to work. She was the only one that went down low. Nigel thought the final pic was stunning, but I’m not totally sold… and Miss J nails why. Her one eye is totally wonked out. Tyrant again criticized her for trying to be too sexual and not sticking to her youthful persona. Ugh Tyrant. Stop talking.

At panel, Miss J was back as guest judge. So who got best photo? AzMarie or Laura? AzMarie! Yay. Laura was runner up. She was followed by Kyle, Catherine, Annaliese, Eboni, Alisha, Ashley, and Sophie. That leaves Seymone and Candace in the bottom 2. It’s gonna be an American going home this week. I’d be happy to see either of them go. Alas… one of them is staying. And that girl is Seymone. Candace is outta here. Next week the girls are off to Toronto Fashion Week and a maple syrup photo shoot. Go Canada!

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ANTM Cycle 18 Photo Gallery

To check out all high-res pics from this episode, head over to our ANTM Cycle 18 gallery.