ANTM 18 Episode 3 Recap: “The Girl Who Went All Naomi Campbell”

Previously on America’s Next Top Model, Tyrant continued her trip down patriotic lane with a delightful visit from some people who have something to do with the Kardashians. I’m still not quite sure who they were. She also delivered some SHAKEOVERS. These weren’t makeovers… or even the dreaded and lame TYOVERS. They were designed to be edgy and crazy… which in Tyrant’s mind means half the wannabes got cool looks and the other ones just got weaves. And, for the second week in a row, the producers, Tyrant, and the models all delivered a very mediocre photoshoot. We’re two for two in terms of lame pictures with bad styling. Ultimately, Mariah, aka Pocahontas, got the boot. Will Tyrant step up her game and come up with a good photoshoot? Will a British girl yell at an American girl? Will someone say ghetto? Only 12 girls remain… who will be eliminated tonight?

So did anybody watch Fashion Star this week? Kind of a cool premise eh? I love that they actually started selling some of the designs online right away. I love Elle Macpherson, but seriously… Nicole Richie and Jessica Simpson as “mentors”? WTF. They’ve got nothing on the contestants. So ridiculous. And then there’s this shit fest that is Project Runway All Stars. Ever since Rami left, there’s been no hotness, and somehow Mondo went from the coolest person ever to a dour and uninspiring bore. I hope we get Heidi back soon.

On with the show! We start off this week with the Brits celebrating the dismissal of one of the Yanks. Later that night, the Brits go all 007 and plan some sort of paper ball throwing prank on the sleeping American girls. OMG… it’s Pussy Galore! They barge in yelling and screaming and toss all the paper balls at Seymone. She is NOT impressed and comes storming out cuss words blazing. It’s genius really. The Brits are playing physiological warfare on the Yanks. I love it. Seymone effing BLEEPED out. Wow. It was like Serena Williams on steroids. Total freak show. Her voice went down a whole octave. I think we need to give Seymone a proper name a la AlexHATEdria and TRANgelea. Suggestions? How about SeyROID? SeyMOAN? I think I’m going with SeyROID unless any of y’all can do better.

The next day, we got our first “ghetto”. Alisha wins for describing her neighbourhood where she grew up. Then Tyrant showed up… ABOUT TIME! It’s only the third week and she FINALLY decided to grace the girls with an appearance. They all did a little walk off for her and then Tyrant gave a little speech about supermodels which HORRIFYINGLY turned into the dreaded spiel about Modelland. Oh hell no. Not this shit again. She goes on about how in Modelland supermodels have superpowers and they’re called intoxibellas. My eye just twitched. I can’t stand this woman sometimes. She then gave them all intoxibella names. UGH UGH UGH.

Sophie = Illuminata. Alisha = Gam-A-Troncia. Louise = Chameeleone. Catherine = Era-Descent. Ashley = Charismia. Annaliese = Excite-To-Buy. AzMarie = Andro-Genia. Laura = Zagilicious. Seymone = Fiercely Real. OK… we gotta pause there. Seriously? We’re back to this fiercely real crap. Oh Tyrant. You were almost on a role with Zagilicious. She should’ve gone with SeyROID. Thankfully she bounced back with Kyle = Next-Doorsia. That one made me chuckle. Candace = Exotica. Eboni = 30-Never. Tyrant then on a rant about her studies at Harvard and being a mogul. Blah blah blah.

After all the nonsense, the wannabes all head to meet Kelly Cutrone for to learn how to put together an entire ad campaign for Very.com. The wannabes will be split into teams (by country) and design the whole thing… including the photoshoot. They need to assign roles, plan the shoot, get props, cast a male model (yay!) and make it all work. Annaliese is the Brit (60s British Mod theme) leader and AzMarie is the Yank (Punk Love theme) leader. Aside from Kelly Curtrone’s barking there wasn’t too much drama.

After a day of planning, it’s time to deliver and get the photoshoot done. Their photographer is Jerry Matellus. At the end, the girls get to pick their favourite shots to put in front of the judges. I love this. Take the manipulation temptation away from Tyrant.

Candace

Her exotica ghetto look is kinda cool, but she doesn’t seem to have a lot of looks. She sticks her lips out and that’s about it. Annaliese called it the “stern Naomi Campbell I’m about to throw a phone at your face” look. Lol. The final pic is not very good at all. Totally blah. The judges say it totally takes away from how stunning she actually is.

Seymone

She certainly did not look “punk” in the shoot and she doesn’t look punk in the final pic either. Her legs look great, and I LOVE the shoe, but there’s not much else going on. Cat Deeley said it was too mature and Kelly was not impressed.

Kyle

Right after she started Kelly Cutrone barks something about how she looks dead and on drugs. Then she started jumping and things got better. It’s an interesting shot. Something just doesn’t work with the hair… they should have done something else with it. Nigel still thinks it’s a cool shot though.

Laura

She actually looked punk on set. Loving her hair in this shot. Kelly also thought she was really confident. It shows in the shot too. She really tried to deliver something unique and it worked. The judges thought she showed off the clothes really well.

Eboni

There were a lot of sneered faces during this shoot. Sophie was making busted looks, Kelly Cutrone was cringing. Oh dear. Then Kelly told Eboni to sell the clothes, not her body. She’s a BITCH, but I love having her on set. It’s almost like Janice Dickinson is back. Oh gurl. The final pic is nasty… in the porn cover kinda way. Everything from her lips to her gaping lips screams nasty. Kelly called her the “princess from last night’s party”.

Azmarie

Jay was LOVING her look and energy on set. She was rocking the poses, showing movement, and giving great fashion. To be honest, I thought the photo would be better. I was expecting more fierceness. Nigel, however, thought it was striking and stunning.

Ashley

Poor girl was first for the UK team… and thanks to Annaliese’s not so great leadership, they were not well organized. That being said, I love her look. The final photo is cute, but it’s too cute considering what the male model is doing in the background. Nigel agrees with me. It’s like she’s posing for the prom and he’s waiting for her to come sit on his lap.

Sophie

The photographer was loving Sophie during the shoot. She was moving well and really having fun. And it shows in the final pic. I am in LOVE with this photo. Her body looks amazing and the twisting of her feet is so different and unique. Very Twiggy.

Alisha

The photographer was saying nice things, but I didn’t really love the outfit or get what she was trying to do. Not a great final picture either. The judges didn’t like that you can’t see her legs which makes the proportions of the jacket all wonky. It’s really unflattering. She broke down in tears. Uh oh.

Catherine

She really looked lovely in the dress. This styling worked really well for her. And the final picture is pretty gorgeous. That curve is amazing and she’s really making contact with the male model. Nigel loved it. Kelly loved the make-up.

Annaliese

She was SUPER stressed about being the leader and Mr. J was NOT loving her performance during the shoot. As for the photo, it’s ok. Tyrant thought it was too catalogue, but Cat Deeley liked that it was young and fresh.

Louise

She had a little confrontation with Kelly right before the shoot and Kelly was NOT impressed with her attitude. To be fair, Kelly’s a bit of a nightmare too. Nevertheless Louise is STUNNING. Mr. Jay said she looked like a supermodel. At panel I thought the photo was amazing… but Nigel said she looked mean and then Louise scoffed. She said she can’t win and rolled her eyes. Uh oh. Kelly called her out for having a bad attitude and being rude. AND THEN, Louise said “oh no no no, you were rude TO ME”. Snap. It is on. Then Tyrant speaks up saying there is an order to things and she is a model and blah blah blah. But Louise is not having any of it. She breaks down and storms out of the door swearing and crying. Outside, Louise keeps yelling about how she doesn’t give a bleep about Kelly Cutrone and how she would knock her out if she saw her on the street. This is an EPIC meltdown. Oh hey! Now Ken Mok… at least I’m going to assume that’s him… is there trying to calm her down. She is yelling about wanting to go home. And she does. Lame. Lame. Lame. Tyrant says their criticism is meant to be constructive and they should take it that way. Fair enough. But Louise was right about one thing… Kelly is pretty rude. I’m in PR too and you don’t have to be a bossy cow to get the job done. That being said, Louise should have held it together. Bye girl.

ANTM Cycle 18 Photo Gallery

At panel, all was right in the world because the amazing Cat Deeley was there as guest judge. Love her. When is SYTYCD coming back? We’ve already lost Louise… who else is going home? Not AzMarie. She was called first. Runner up was Sophie. Then came Laura, Kyle, Catherine, Seymone (what?), Annaliese, then they called Louise (whatever… ugh… her pic was better than 8). The last four were Candace, Eboni, Alisha, and Ashley. They are singled out because the client would have rejected their photos. Then Tyrant says she only has one photo in her hands… say WHAT… fake out! All four of them are on it. They’re all safe.

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  • SeyMEN (or SeyMAN) is probably a bit obvious but does have the double homonym with semen 😉 She was WAY overboard and looked like a desperado from Real World rather than a “contestant” on a show that purports to have girls with an actual talent to show off.

    Kyle the forgetful was very appropriately named your right because despite her pics tonight, she is NOT a stand out lady in the comp.

    I think if you’ve never seen Candace before one would actually love this pic but she’s played the look before… so i’m wondering if that really matters? Do they have to do something different every time if the shot they take is great? I’m not an expert on this show but I think they do though I wonder if that’s necessary… i feel like a lot of “famous models” from the past a “a look” that is theirs and theirs alone and maybe that’s just what this is for her..?

    I’m calling unfortunate for pic choice on Eboni (her own fault this week i know)… but, now that it’s been said, honestly, Rich, don’t you ever wonder if they’re choosing less-than pics on purpose to get a girl out they don’t want to win?? We NEVER see all the proofs in a normal shoot and everything is re-edited anyway so they can make these “best” shots whatever they want… and I DOUBT the pics of the girls they feel aren’t good tv or aren’t made for top 3 are always the best of the bunch so i’m calling shenanigans.

    AzMarie’s shot was really cool.. i can see you want more… what i want from her is THE BIGGEST plunging neckline ever… only her and her no boobs and perfect absence of a stomach can pull it off and i personally think it would be AMAZING…. maybe in ivory or red hmmm…

    I think they gave it to Az for being more the leader than the shot cause Sophie i feel really did have an insanely unique and beautiful shot here. favourite for me.

    Re: the Louise insanity… YES, she should have stayed really, but to prove the assholes wrong. I think this show and the judges come off as SO freakin’ sanctimonious and above reproach that I would have lost it myself. Kelly was a bitch. not withstanding her tone and the fact that she brought up running like three times in a row … WHO CARES?! She ran??? sometimes people are late.. sometimes people run. as they send these girls on go sees they expect them to get 10 blocks in a minute and they get RAKED if they don’t give it their all. Kelly is not the be-all-end-all authority on what not to do so her saying “you NEVER run” is such bullshit. it was a pitting of bitches made up and waiting to happen and it’s sad that louise got caught cause she herself is so short-tempered (again, that is totally her fault as well). the panel was nothing short of frat hazing as they tore her down and didn’t allow for anything outside their “on high” proclamations as the ultimate truth about modeling. It’s not even that these contestants are Idol wannabees trying a stage for the first time: these are ACTUAL models who have ACTUAL careers particularly on the british side as they’ve been through all this before… let the girl RUN!! jeeeesus.

  • ANTMfan

    Continuing on the drama: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8odOITQn0c LOL

  • Steph

    It’s nice to know someone hates Modelland as much as I do. I haven’t even read it (and I probably won’t), but I cringe every time I hear about it. Whenever Tryant brings it up, I feel embarassed for everyone surrounding her.

  • connie

    this cycle is absolute bullshit!! if it weren’t for my obsessive need for my weekly dose of british accent i wouldn’t have broken my TV already.

    how did seymone get into top 8 with her bloody awful ugly photo!??? alissa’s photo was actually amazing, though I agree with the point of not good chopping off her legs, but still miles better than seymone’s!!! this just shows crazy tyra is just making this whole show up to show americans are better than brits. none of the judging had been fair!!!!! i hate this!!

    azmarie’s photo was amazing, true. but it is in no way commercial enough to sell anything, it is way too daring!! sophie’s is the best!!!! whimsical!

    fuck the yanks. all bulls

  • Missy

    I totally agree with Louise. I think it’s unfair how they treated her. The judges didn’t even let her defend herself! As soon as she opened her mouth, they were telling her she had an attitude problem. WTF? Just think for a second… They think she has an attitude problem and won’t even let her explain herself? How do they think that’s gonna make it better? Of course it’s gonna piss her even more, that they’re just gonna judge her based on some rude Kelly Cutrone without even let her say anything! It’s Kelly Cutrone that has the attitude problem! Everyone’s running around and it’s okay, but Louise can’t run to make it to her photoshoot for which she only has 3 minutes left? I’m pissed off! Kelly sucks! And if you ask me, they just did it on purpose to push her to her limits to simply add more drama to the show! I hope Kelly leaves after this season, she sucks!

  • I’m so angry. Tyra said at the very beginning of this show that she wouldn’t show any favouritism for her country, but that’s exactly what’s happening. Louise’s photo and Sophie’s are the only ones that would actually get published for an add- truth. None of the other girls brought it at all. And for the record, Tyra should really listen to what she says on her own show sometimes. Yes, constructive criticism is nice, but “You suck, you have a bad attitude, shut up!” really sound constructive to you?

  • Damien

    Yuck. Feel so bad for Louise, and if this was the Tyra-edited version, how was the unedited version?! Kelly Cutrone just proved to be a disgusting human being (referring to the clip).

  • Steph

    @Damien: Maybe Tyrant was rooting for her. Maybe they were ALL rooting for her. (Sorry, couldn’t help it.)

  • Rob

    Ebony looks like a bad copy of M.I.A.
    I mean she’s pretty, but that attitude is so cliche and the idea of being rude and gross but cool is so overrated

    I laughed a lot with the Louisegate, Tyrant deserved someone yelling them for once. I knew there was something coming on with Louis

    As always, loved Sophie’s faces and chipchat in set and backstage
    even her :O when Louis was melting
    she’s the character of this season

    Kelly Cutrone’s video is silly. If she wants to play the mean character she just has to do that. This to obvious she’s trying too hard to be the Janice judge. Though the only think that makes me laugh is that she must have felt too diminished as a judge in the final cut so she felt the need to record a video with her brown-noises to make her point. Girl doesn’t get the attention!

    Great post you guys

  • That Kelly Cutrone video is awful. I thought she was a PR maven. Bad idea, bad quality, sour grapes. She comes off as a bully. Once again.

  • This only goes to show you that the mother ship (ANTM) has no credibility whatsoever in the fashion/modeling worlds, while its international spin-offs, to some extent, do. You will almost never see the international spin-offs do bullshit like “smizing” or “pot ledom” or anything that Miss Tyra does on her show. I don’t even think that she had that much credibility to begin with. She only became a household name because of this show, not because of her modelling. She peaked as a model after the supermodel (Cindy Crawford, Linda Evangelista, Naomi Campbell, Claudia Schiffer, Christy Turlington, and Kate Moss) fell out of fashion (so to speak) as an international pop culture icon. Nowadays, it’s just Gisele Bundchen and that’s it (not even any of her fellow Victoria’s Secret Angels come close). What ANTM has done is promote Miss Tyra instead of any of the 100+ women who’ve made it onto the show over the course of nine years. There are girls who have become working models (not SUPERmodels or even models in the same notoriety vein as, say, Doutzen Kroes or Natal’ya Vodyanova or Joan Smalls) DESPITE, not because of, their time on ANTM. And the majority of American models who get somewhere in the business are found as they always are: by chance (such as working in a yogurt shop or even on a farm), not by Miss Tyra and Company.