Previously on America’s Next Top Model, Tyrant continued her trip down patriotic lane with a delightful visit from some people who have something to do with the Kardashians. I’m still not quite sure who they were. She also delivered some SHAKEOVERS. These weren’t makeovers… or even the dreaded and lame TYOVERS. They were designed to be edgy and crazy… which in Tyrant’s mind means half the wannabes got cool looks and the other ones just got weaves. And, for the second week in a row, the producers, Tyrant, and the models all delivered a very mediocre photoshoot. We’re two for two in terms of lame pictures with bad styling. Ultimately, Mariah, aka Pocahontas, got the boot. Will Tyrant step up her game and come up with a good photoshoot? Will a British girl yell at an American girl? Will someone say ghetto? Only 12 girls remain… who will be eliminated tonight?

So did anybody watch Fashion Star this week? Kind of a cool premise eh? I love that they actually started selling some of the designs online right away. I love Elle Macpherson, but seriously… Nicole Richie and Jessica Simpson as “mentors”? WTF. They’ve got nothing on the contestants. So ridiculous. And then there’s this shit fest that is Project Runway All Stars. Ever since Rami left, there’s been no hotness, and somehow Mondo went from the coolest person ever to a dour and uninspiring bore. I hope we get Heidi back soon.

On with the show! We start off this week with the Brits celebrating the dismissal of one of the Yanks. Later that night, the Brits go all 007 and plan some sort of paper ball throwing prank on the sleeping American girls. OMG… it’s Pussy Galore! They barge in yelling and screaming and toss all the paper balls at Seymone. She is NOT impressed and comes storming out cuss words blazing. It’s genius really. The Brits are playing physiological warfare on the Yanks. I love it. Seymone effing BLEEPED out. Wow. It was like Serena Williams on steroids. Total freak show. Her voice went down a whole octave. I think we need to give Seymone a proper name a la AlexHATEdria and TRANgelea. Suggestions? How about SeyROID? SeyMOAN? I think I’m going with SeyROID unless any of y’all can do better.

The next day, we got our first “ghetto”. Alisha wins for describing her neighbourhood where she grew up. Then Tyrant showed up… ABOUT TIME! It’s only the third week and she FINALLY decided to grace the girls with an appearance. They all did a little walk off for her and then Tyrant gave a little speech about supermodels which HORRIFYINGLY turned into the dreaded spiel about Modelland. Oh hell no. Not this shit again. She goes on about how in Modelland supermodels have superpowers and they’re called intoxibellas. My eye just twitched. I can’t stand this woman sometimes. She then gave them all intoxibella names. UGH UGH UGH.

Sophie = Illuminata. Alisha = Gam-A-Troncia. Louise = Chameeleone. Catherine = Era-Descent. Ashley = Charismia. Annaliese = Excite-To-Buy. AzMarie = Andro-Genia. Laura = Zagilicious. Seymone = Fiercely Real. OK… we gotta pause there. Seriously? We’re back to this fiercely real crap. Oh Tyrant. You were almost on a role with Zagilicious. She should’ve gone with SeyROID. Thankfully she bounced back with Kyle = Next-Doorsia. That one made me chuckle. Candace = Exotica. Eboni = 30-Never. Tyrant then on a rant about her studies at Harvard and being a mogul. Blah blah blah.

After all the nonsense, the wannabes all head to meet Kelly Cutrone for to learn how to put together an entire ad campaign for Very.com. The wannabes will be split into teams (by country) and design the whole thing… including the photoshoot. They need to assign roles, plan the shoot, get props, cast a male model (yay!) and make it all work. Annaliese is the Brit (60s British Mod theme) leader and AzMarie is the Yank (Punk Love theme) leader. Aside from Kelly Curtrone’s barking there wasn’t too much drama.

After a day of planning, it’s time to deliver and get the photoshoot done. Their photographer is Jerry Matellus. At the end, the girls get to pick their favourite shots to put in front of the judges. I love this. Take the manipulation temptation away from Tyrant.

Candace

Her exotica ghetto look is kinda cool, but she doesn’t seem to have a lot of looks. She sticks her lips out and that’s about it. Annaliese called it the “stern Naomi Campbell I’m about to throw a phone at your face” look. Lol. The final pic is not very good at all. Totally blah. The judges say it totally takes away from how stunning she actually is.

Seymone

She certainly did not look “punk” in the shoot and she doesn’t look punk in the final pic either. Her legs look great, and I LOVE the shoe, but there’s not much else going on. Cat Deeley said it was too mature and Kelly was not impressed.

Kyle

Right after she started Kelly Cutrone barks something about how she looks dead and on drugs. Then she started jumping and things got better. It’s an interesting shot. Something just doesn’t work with the hair… they should have done something else with it. Nigel still thinks it’s a cool shot though.

Laura

She actually looked punk on set. Loving her hair in this shot. Kelly also thought she was really confident. It shows in the shot too. She really tried to deliver something unique and it worked. The judges thought she showed off the clothes really well.

Eboni

There were a lot of sneered faces during this shoot. Sophie was making busted looks, Kelly Cutrone was cringing. Oh dear. Then Kelly told Eboni to sell the clothes, not her body. She’s a BITCH, but I love having her on set. It’s almost like Janice Dickinson is back. Oh gurl. The final pic is nasty… in the porn cover kinda way. Everything from her lips to her gaping lips screams nasty. Kelly called her the “princess from last night’s party”.

Azmarie

Jay was LOVING her look and energy on set. She was rocking the poses, showing movement, and giving great fashion. To be honest, I thought the photo would be better. I was expecting more fierceness. Nigel, however, thought it was striking and stunning.

Ashley

Poor girl was first for the UK team… and thanks to Annaliese’s not so great leadership, they were not well organized. That being said, I love her look. The final photo is cute, but it’s too cute considering what the male model is doing in the background. Nigel agrees with me. It’s like she’s posing for the prom and he’s waiting for her to come sit on his lap.

Sophie

The photographer was loving Sophie during the shoot. She was moving well and really having fun. And it shows in the final pic. I am in LOVE with this photo. Her body looks amazing and the twisting of her feet is so different and unique. Very Twiggy.

Alisha

The photographer was saying nice things, but I didn’t really love the outfit or get what she was trying to do. Not a great final picture either. The judges didn’t like that you can’t see her legs which makes the proportions of the jacket all wonky. It’s really unflattering. She broke down in tears. Uh oh.

Catherine

She really looked lovely in the dress. This styling worked really well for her. And the final picture is pretty gorgeous. That curve is amazing and she’s really making contact with the male model. Nigel loved it. Kelly loved the make-up.

Annaliese

She was SUPER stressed about being the leader and Mr. J was NOT loving her performance during the shoot. As for the photo, it’s ok. Tyrant thought it was too catalogue, but Cat Deeley liked that it was young and fresh.

Louise

She had a little confrontation with Kelly right before the shoot and Kelly was NOT impressed with her attitude. To be fair, Kelly’s a bit of a nightmare too. Nevertheless Louise is STUNNING. Mr. Jay said she looked like a supermodel. At panel I thought the photo was amazing… but Nigel said she looked mean and then Louise scoffed. She said she can’t win and rolled her eyes. Uh oh. Kelly called her out for having a bad attitude and being rude. AND THEN, Louise said “oh no no no, you were rude TO ME”. Snap. It is on. Then Tyrant speaks up saying there is an order to things and she is a model and blah blah blah. But Louise is not having any of it. She breaks down and storms out of the door swearing and crying. Outside, Louise keeps yelling about how she doesn’t give a bleep about Kelly Cutrone and how she would knock her out if she saw her on the street. This is an EPIC meltdown. Oh hey! Now Ken Mok… at least I’m going to assume that’s him… is there trying to calm her down. She is yelling about wanting to go home. And she does. Lame. Lame. Lame. Tyrant says their criticism is meant to be constructive and they should take it that way. Fair enough. But Louise was right about one thing… Kelly is pretty rude. I’m in PR too and you don’t have to be a bossy cow to get the job done. That being said, Louise should have held it together. Bye girl.

ANTM Cycle 18 Photo Gallery

At panel, all was right in the world because the amazing Cat Deeley was there as guest judge. Love her. When is SYTYCD coming back? We’ve already lost Louise… who else is going home? Not AzMarie. She was called first. Runner up was Sophie. Then came Laura, Kyle, Catherine, Seymone (what?), Annaliese, then they called Louise (whatever… ugh… her pic was better than 8). The last four were Candace, Eboni, Alisha, and Ashley. They are singled out because the client would have rejected their photos. Then Tyrant says she only has one photo in her hands… say WHAT… fake out! All four of them are on it. They’re all safe.

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