ANTM Cycle 15 Episode 5: “Wooooo Jesus!”

Previously on America’s Next Top Model, Ann won best photo for the third time in a row after a STUNNING beauty shot. Rhianna got the boot and I’ve forgotten her already. The girls also managed to step up the drama after having a BORING party with some hot guys. They all turned on Kacey and she got all ghetto on their asses. Liz continued her whining ways and got on Jay’s last nerve. Can these two bounce back into the good graces? Can Ann continue her unprecedented streak? Who will be eliminated tonight? Wanna be on top?

We start off tonight with Ann celebrating her win. Kacey starts hating on her and tries to defend herself to a group of “bitches”. She calls a group meeting. Oh God. This never goes well. Remember when Robyn called a house meeting in Cycle 1. Elyse almost rolled her eyes out of her sockets! Oooooooh Jesus! They all write questions down on a piece of paper and answer them. Some juicy little tidibits spill out. Ummm… Liz? Really? Pregnant and in a homeless shelter? What kind of trash are you? Jane comes from a wealthy family and feels ostracized because she’s loaded.

The next day, the wannabes head to some LA tunnel for another runway show. The girls are impressed that Tyrant has the ability to shut down an entire tunnel to traffic. Impressive indeed. The girls are going to be wear designs by Herve Leger. And… the male models are back!!! Yay. Maybe this time Kacey will finally get that kitty punched. Girl is desperate. The catch this week? The girls have to navigate a stagelaced with conveyor belts! Awesome. The winner gets some jewelery. Bring on the carnage!

Chelsey is first up and she almost bails! Holy shit! That belt is going FAST. These girls are gonna have to run in those heels if they don’t want to go face first into the stage. She recovered, only to stumble again. MESS. This challenge was designed to fail. Liz was next. She almost goes down more times than I can count AND she managed to swear loud enough for the whole crowd to hear. Ann did go down. She got her hands down to prevent a full fall, but it was not pretty. Kendal actually lost a shoe. Ugly. Esther and Jane were less than impressive. Esther even managed to FALL DOWN THE STAIRS… after the conveyor belts. HEINOUS. Chris had some good stumbles and gave the crowd a great WOOOO JESUS! Yes! Lexie actually pulled it off and looked pretty natural. She credited high school track. I credit her big ears. Kacey survived too. Kacey won the jewels!

Back at the house, ALT show up with Karolina Kurkova to talk to the girls about the fashion industry. Wow. An actual supermodel! The girls freak. Karolina talks to the girls about healthy eating and how it can help their careers. As soon as Karolina leaves the drama starts. Lots of screaming. Lots of freakouts. Lots of angry girls. Kacey and Liz really go at it. I fast forward.

At the photo shoot, the girls meet up with Mr. Jay and Mexican wrestlers. Masks, spandex and all. This should be interesting. The photographers are father and son duo, Eddie and Moshe Brakha. BrakhaX2. They want to see beautiful madness. This was actually funny because Jay and the photographers kept giving different directions. I don’t think the Brakha’s really gave a shit about Mr. Silver Spikes. Tee hee.


She was really confused by the mixed direction, but I LOVED her mental ruby red shoes. Speaking of mental… she looks it. Crazy eyes! The judges didn’t have much to say about it though.


She was making CRAZY ass noises during the shoot trying to get into character. Lots of bizarre shrieks. She turned out an okay shot. The judges liked the face but thought the body didn’t match the intensity in her face.


Her hair looked fierce, but Jay thought she lacked intensity in the shoot. I like her styling and I think she looks good in the photo. Nigel is wary because the arched back takes it into porno territory.


She was making weird honking goose sounds. She gave good energy with those honks though. I like this photo. She’s working her body in an interesting way and playing off the wrestler quite well. The judges said she should have injected a bit more fire into her face to make it great.


She looked like Mariel on Hibiscus Island doing Waterloo in Muriel’s Wedding. Something about her screamed Toni Collette to me tonight. The judges liked the photo. Karolina thought it told a story. I’m still singing Waterloo.


Love the fiery Mohawk. Love the photo! She looks athletic and in character while still looking like a model. ALT loves how she transformed for this photo. Tyrant was impressed at how well she went for it. Yay. I like the lesbian.


Hot vintage D&G boots. Not hot photo. Nigel thinks her expression is vacant and ALT says she lucked out with the styling and accessories.


She was the first one to start really jumping around and it payed off. She looks like she is on the attack, but was also able to find the camera with her face. Tyrant J’adored all over this one.


This is definitely NOT the beauty shot that Ann excels in. Her awkward body is lost among all the styling. She just looks awkward… and WAY too skinny in this one. I don’t think she’ll get called first tonight. However, the judges TOTALLY disagreed with me. ALT thought it was amazing and screamed Italian Vogue. Huh.


Jay doesn’t think she’s graceful enough. She’s not. This photo SCREAMS Ke$ha and that is SO not a good thing. Nigel didn’t think she looked like a model. Tyrant said she struggled in the whole film. Ew. The more I see it, the more I hate it.

At panel, the judges are joined by Karolina Kurkova. Nice. They really did step it up this year. Ann’s streak is over! Oh wait. I wrote that too soon. SHUT UP. It’s a top model first. Ann is top photo for a RECORD fourth time in a row. Wow. I appreciate the accomplishment, but I don’t actually think she deserved it this week. Chris is called second and is thrilled. She was followed by Chelsey, Kayla, Liz, Esther, Kacey, and Kendal. That leaves Jane and Lexie in danger. Oh no. I like Jane. Keep her! Phew. Thank god Jane is safe and Lexie is out of here. She deserved it. That photo is crap… spelled K E $ H A crap.

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  • Chip

    Another undeserved FCO. Ann is becoming overrated (not her fault). After the cycle ends will it be: The most boring and predictable ANTM cycle ever or most shocking and surprising ANTM cycle ever?

  • Dan

    Rich – brilliant re-cap. The catwalk treadmill idea was AWFUL. I’m surprized the designer didn’t spook after the first girl almost bailed and destroyed the outfit…

  • Robyn

    I’m with Dan on the treadmill – why?! Do we think Ann’s photo is photoshopped or altered? I know she’s crazy tall but it looks extra weird and disproportionate. I have her as my top pick in an ANTM pool so hopefully the pressure won’t get to her. Hold it together girl.