What was supposed to be the first year without Paula Abdul on the judging panel, has now become Simon’s last year on American Idol. Season 9 of everyone’s favorite talent search premiered last night with pretty much the same old same old. It funny how the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Typically, this portion of the AI season is either hit or miss for me. I enjoy watching the awfully bad auditions as much as the next guy, but I watch Idol to witness the inception of tomorrow’s next big thing and not sideshow attractions. It drives me insane when the Top 24 arrives, and there are a few faces we’ve never seen before. Then POOF, all of a sudden, they show up on our screens as part of “the best” in the country. RI-DIC-U-LOUS.

Thankfully, tonight’s episode was an even split of good versus bad auditions. It wasn’t my ideal choice, but I’ll concede since we were entertained by at least a couple of standouts. Boston was the first stop for the season 9 Idol auditions, and taking the place on the panel formerly occupied by Abdul was everyone’s favorite footballer wife, Victoria Beckham. Surprisingly, Vicki B. actually came off as likable and competent in her critique. Not so robotic, maybe it’s the new and improved 2010 model. Having auditioned for a spot in the Spice Girls herself, she could relate and seemed genuinely concerned for the “kids”. However at times, she seemed more prone to critique their fashion sense as opposed to their vocal abilities. Posh Spice, you’re not a guest judge on “Project Runway” anymore, the show is called “American Idol”.

Before I get into the highlighting the five who had the most potential from Beantown, let’s get the craptastic auditions out of the way first.

BEST OF THE WORST

Janet McNamara
Audition Song: Pocketful of Sunshine by Natasha Bedingfield

• Recently, Brian and I have gotten our Seattle/Portland friends hooked onto playing “American Idol Karoake” on Xbox 360. Within our group of friends, we’ve played this for the past two years during our pre-funk activities or games night before heading out. So when the producers showed the season’s first audition, Janet McNamara, I started to howl out loud. Her back story involved her practicing her skills on the video game. And as delusional as she was, she thought the game had improved her singing and was ready for the big time. Obviously, you know where this story is headed… she sucked ass. Hope you kept the receipt, honey. Just in case you’re wondering, the Go-Go’s “Vacation” is my jam on the game. I kill it every time.

Norberto Guerrero
Audition Song: Everytime We Touch by Cascada

• Norberto’s weirdly fascinating audition garnered the sharpest barb from acerbic judge, Simon Cowell.
  

  “You sing like a three-year old girl, dress like Latoya Jackson, you got a beard. The whole thing was too weird.”

  Simon, please don’t go. Who else is going to give zingers like this? Randy? I think not.

Derek Hilton
Audition Song: Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word by Elton John

• Surfer hippie dude thought he was a combination of Chris Brown and The Eagles. At one point he states he likes Brown because “he touches kids all over the country”. If you mean hit instead of touch, and meant Rihanna instead of kids then he’s correct. Not to sound uber gross, but as I watched him warble his way through one of my favorite Elton songs, I had this urge to pick at his zits. Two words, Derek… PRO.. ACTIV. If it can work for Jessica Simpson, then it can work for you. You guys seem to have the same hairstylist. Like Norberto, Derek elicited one of Simon’s better insults.
  

  “I would like to fly to the moon, BUT I can’t” – when referring to Derek’s passion but inability to sing.

THE TOP 5

Apparently, there were 32 golden tickets handed out during the two days of auditions in Boston. Out of that, we were probably shown about a dozen of those (if that). From the ones we were privileged enough to watch, these are the five I think have the best shot of making it past the Hollywood round and earn an opportunity to perform for the public votes.

Ashley Rodriguez
Audition Song: If I Ain’t Got You by Alicia Keys

• She reminded me a bit of a Eva Mendes. When she first said she was singing this overused Keys song, I began to groan just a little. Fortunately for her, within a few notes she won me over. She was powerful without being too overbearing and screechy. Great control of her voice. I’m hoping she makes it far. She’s got the complete package- looks, vocals and a killer sense of style. It’s about time a Latina won this competition.

Luke Shaffer
Audition Song: Fall For You by Secondhand Serenade

• Though we only got to hear a few seconds of his audition and received no back story, he made an instant impact with me and probably a few of the Idol viewers. If you recall, Kris Allen was first introduced to us in this same manner last year. Could Luke be another sleeper turned winner in the making? Only time will tell. If he’s got a half decent voice, and a full head of hair underneath that beanie/toque, then he’ll go far. Cute can only carry you so far.

Tyler Grady
Audition Song: Let’s Get it On by Marvin Gaye

• Out of all the guy auditions, Tyler’s was my favorite. Say what??? Its true, I’m all about talent and can look past the aesthetic. This guy rocked. I loved his whole 70s Mick Jagger meets Blind Melon meets Smokey Robinson kinda vibe. If he doesn’t fall from anymore trees and injures more parts of his body, he has a good shot of making the top 24.

Justin Williams
Audition Song: Feeling Good (Michael Buble Version)

• With a touching back story (cancer survivor), movie star good looks, Justin Williams seems like one of the predetermined chosen ones. You know the ones that the producers pimp and manipulate us into liking during the early rounds. If Justin looks familiar, you might recognize him from last year’s Hollywood round. He was part of “White Chocolate” with Kris Allen and Matt Giraud during the group round. Considering that he made it to Hollywood last year, it seems like the producers are milking his surviving cancer seven years ago into hyper-drive this year to guarantee he makes it far. Unless something insane happens, Williams has Top 12 written all over him.

Leah Laurenti
Audition Song: Blue Skies by Irving Berlin

• Leah was the lucky recipient of the “pimp” spot in last night’s premiere episode. With her jazzy take on the Irving Berlin’s classic, she easily received four yeses from the panel. I liked her vulnerable quiet confidence. She also reminded me of a younger, less trashy version of Gina Gerson (Showgirls). Top 24 or bust for sure.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

(left) Maddy Curtis: Hallelujah
(right) Joshua Blaylock: God Bless the Broken Road

• Two other auditions caught my eye, but I don’t see either of them making it far. From the two 16-year old girls we were shown tonight, Maddy made the bigger impression. Sure, her heart-warming story of down-syndrome siblings tugged my heart strings, but it was her pitch perfect rendition of “Hallelujah” that made me tingle. Unfortunately, her back story will probably overshadow her talent and she won’t make it past Hollywood.

  Joshua, who looks 18 but is 28, sang another overused Idol staple, “God, Bless the Broken Road”. He’s got a decent enough voice but won’t make it far. Like I’ve said before, cute can only care you so far.

What did you think of last night’s Season 9 opener? Was the talent on par, sub par, or below par previous seasons? Are you rooting for anyone already?

Related Stories:
• American Idol Season 9 Coverage
• American Idol: 15 Best Tracks From Former Idol Contestants
• American Idol Winners: Who’s The True Idol?