RIGHT AWAY I have to ask: Ryan Seacrest, who the hell did your makeup tonight because you look like Ronald McDonald with that foot height of hair and pancake pale makeup. Second, holy crap, how awful was their group performance? Singing god knows what, the Top 13 prove that just because you slap kids (some) with talent together doesn’t mean you necessarily have the making of an actual band or even a real performance. Their vocals and tones were all over the place and honestly the only two I didn’t want to kill was Elise and Phil because their undeniable voices stood out as unique and poignant where the others got lost in the shuffle. What a terrible start.

As you can see, I’m no nonsense today. As Idol attempts to tell us we’re in for a “real treat” as Boys are pitted vs. Girls only to have the judges ultimately decide who goes home, what we ACTUALLY are getting is Exec Producer (I know, I know, I won’t leave him alone- but for good reason), Nigel Lythgoe saying “Hey America, we don’t want you in charge anymore.” It’s ridiculous how silently they’ve passed off this massive change in the format of this show. American Idol is suppose to be about America’s next Idol as chosen BY America. But, nope. With the rise of sites like “Vote for the Worst” et al., it’s clear to see that the producers don’t want to risk good TV performers going home (you know Nigel is even American… she doesn’t even go to this school!). Please note that I did not say the BEST performers but rather the best TV performers. That’s why people like Brielle and her pageant mom get to have more screen time than they ever ever deserve. But, that rant over: let’s get to the night’s results!

Top 13 Group Performance

First up are three very strong girls: Jessica, Hollie and Elise. It’s pretty obvi it’s gonna be Elise going into the bottom three as she was TRA-SHERED by the judges last night and I argue not for good enough reason and BAM I’m right as she’s sent into the “Bottom Three Girls”. Jessica flew through on the recognition of her song and Hollie actually did a pretty decent little job. I don’t know what their issue is with my girl Elise but I’m calling this the night for Shannon to go home so I’m not too scared.

Next are the boys as they bring up Colton, Heejun and Jermaine. After some rando: “They didn’t like you……… they LOVED you” crap from Seacrest we find out that I totally mis-predicted last night and it’s Jermaine that heads to the “Bottom Three Guys” and shockingly Heejun made the top. Following this, the hugely hipped country girl from last year sang some completely forgettable song as she rambled through about 80% of the words and seemed to forget the other 20. Let’s get back to the results Idol: no one needs your pandering of failed past acts!

Lauren Alaina Performing

As Jimmy Iovine can do no wrong so far this season in my eyes, I won’t criticize his hindsight 20/20 commentary on all the acts, but I will say he constantly comes out with some great tips and commentary on the kids so if you’re flying through these episodes on your PVR, do slow down for his clips. Next up are Erika, Shannon and Skylar. No big surprise Shannon is sent to the bottom but PISS ME OFF, Erika is there as well. As she shuffles over you catch her mic saying: “The Old Girls are together” to Elise and damned if she isn’t right. Being the oldest in this competition does NOT do anyone any favours and it’s becoming very clear. Skylar is rightfully safe, phew.

Final boys brought down are Phil, Jeremy, DeAndre and Joshua. Jimmy really tears some of them a new one, but quite rightly so as the girls are the stronger voices by far this year and the guys need to hear it. My boy Phil is of COURSE safe!!! And then, chubby cherub Jeremy is sent to the Bottom Three along with… Joshua!! NOT DeAndre!!! Wow, vote for the worst is clearly back and stronger than ever: or people are just idiots, ugh.

Mary J. Blige Performing

Thankfully, Erika and Joshua are immediately sent right back to be safe as they weren’t the “Bottom Two” (What the HELL is the point of that Idol?), and Mary J Blige takes the stage to perform her latest single: “Why”. A friend of mine recently posted on his Facebook “Why Mary? HOW is she still even relevant?”, and, while I appreciated her mentoring for the kids on Wednesday, this lackluster and dated song/performance certainly had me asking the same thing: WHY? The whole thing sounded like something Kandi from Real Housewives of Atlanta could have done and I was not impressed. Sorry Mary.

Next up, they knock back a couple more non-worsters as Jermaine is told he’s safe and Jer-ber is the one as the lowest voted for… and then SHANNON IS KEPT SAVE TO FOLLOW. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. Shannon was THE worst of the night and only cause of her youth and looks did she make it through and I swear these judges better not knock off my girl Elise!! The judges take about 18 seconds and BAM they decide: no singing for their live, no final performance… the first person kicked off Idol is Jeremy Rosado.

While I though he’d do a bit better than he did, the kid was VERY young and not the sexiest to pimp for the show and in a vote between him or Elise- there was no competition.

The whole night was a rushed affair but I guess that’s what happens this early with this many contestants and I just PRAY the American voters listen to the girls and boys as oppose to be brainwashed by the forced commentary pre-written by the producers and not fall for the “cute, young ones” but find the real talent, cause it’s there.

American Idol 11 Top 12

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