Well, it was the fullest week of Idol we’re gonna get this year: 6 hours of singing, screeching, tears and tragedy and what do we have to show for it? Well, a Top 13 for one, and a whole lotta kids that needed to go are GONE. Tonight’s result show is the culmination of over two dozen final audition attempts by the Top 25 remaining boys and girls in the competition as they vie for America’s attention during this pinnacle week where the chosen few get halved.
If you’ve been following my recaps this week you’ll know that both myself and many of the readers have been incensed at the over-production of grand master exec producer Nigel Lythgoe, annoyed with spurious choreography and showboating, shocked by song doubling and utterly disappointed in the lack of effort and talent put forth by a group of singers titled “America’s Best” by our trio of judges. FINE, yes, there were a few good ones: Phil Phils, Jessica, Erika and Elise (oh, how I’ve forsaken my gender), but overall the ridiculousness far outweighed the brilliance. But, never fear: Elimination Day is here!! I’ve been banking on America to heed my desperate call to cull of so much crap we’ve seen these past few days to what will hopefully be the TOP 13 this show has to offer. So, let’s get to what happened on tonight’s live episode!
Not that you’ve asked, but I intend to fill this article out in real time as I watch the show, so all my reactions are of-the-moment and without the lovely perfection of 20/20 hindsight: just the way all ya’ll watched it. First up, in response to that opening video of the contestants: a whole lotta guns, dirt bikes, mentions of god, jesus and amen… we are definitely in America. Seacrest opens by announcing that 33 Million have voted for this elimination round: please keep in mind that means 33 million votes, not 33 million people though he’d love to have you believe the latter were it even possible. The funny thing you start to notice with his announcements is that everything to him is THE most votes, THE most shocking, THE biggest surprise; so, when he doesn’t use the tired superlative, you know the show is down in views, excitement and relevance. Something we’re very quickly becoming aware of this year in Idol’s 11th season.
Focusing first on the boys: Chase Likens, Jeremy Rosado and my boyfriend Phillip Phillips (likely the last time I’ll use his full name as he prefers my abreved version, I just know it ;) take to the centre stage. Respectively I have said: get the hell outta here you forgettable kid; stay and melt America’s heart you chubbie cutie; and, marry me after you win this whole thing you country stud. Chase, wearing more makeup than most of the girls sitting behind him (is it just me or does he look like the evil eyebrow bad guy from “Titanic”..? Billy Zane!!??) looks stunned as hell to be there and Jeremy does his baby smile and Phil just looks cute as all get up. They cut to their performances and we all of a sudden get some un-asked for criticism from Jimmy ______ (
what the hell is his name again?, they mention it later: it’s Iovine) who is NOT looking well. Though I agree with what Jimmy said, I have to wonder if he’s there to do anything more than fill time at this point in the game. Phil does some adorable as hell flustered tongue thing and I stop paying attention to the rest of the contenders for a minute and then the decision is made: JEREMY ROSADO IS ELIMINATED; CHASE LIKENS IS ELIMINATED; PHILLIP PHILLIPS MAKES IT. BAM. I’m already one prediction wrong with Jeremy gone and two right with Chase out and Phil safely through. So far, I’m not super shocked as Jeremy was an iffy bet.
Next up: Jessica Sanchez, Hollie Cavanagh, Brielle Von Hugel and Halie Day. I laid my bet on staying, staying, GOING and going. Jessica is absolutely my hands down choice for this bunch and Hollie only got a pass from me because the judges pushed her so damn hard, promising she’s “gonna get better”. Jimmy Iovine (big producer) continues to back my feelings as he’s now promised to sign Phil and Jessica and truly they’ve been the talent of the lot so far. Honestly, we KNOW this guy makes his “predictions” after he finds out the results so it’s hard to take this whole insight thing seriously but ah well. Here we go: BRIELLE IS ELIMINATED; HALIE IS ELIMINATED; HOLLIE MAKES IT; JESSICA MAKES IT. I’m totally dead on with America’s choice thus far despite my Rosado hiccup and so far I have nothing to complain about (trust me, that’s rare for me!)
Coming back from commercials I’m actually pretty happy with how fast everything is moving and as Seacrest quizzes the judges if they’ve started to think about who the Wild Cards will be, they’re SO caught off guard you just know it’s gonna be none of the monkeys already told no (I’m worried for Rosado). Next up is Joshua Ledet, Heejun Han, and Adam Brock. Jimmy is actually hilarious and dead on as he warns Joshua is a real contender but we need to make sure it doesn’t turn into “Sister Act 3″ and I’m busting. Further, he bounces Adam and his STUPID “he’s got a black woman in him” crap (he acts like an effeminate man, just say it), and Heejun (sorry “Hey June” as Jimmy pronounces it) is told to put the comedy act away and I LOVE IT. Finally someone else who calls this kid on his crap. Heejun pretends he doesn’t know who their future mentor will be and it’s both funny and I’m hoping the last joke he gets to make. BYE BYE HAN! And the results: JOSHUA MAKES IT; HEEJUN MAKES IT (WOW); ADAM IS ELIMINATED. I’m totally wrong and totally disappointed. Heejun’s funny guy thing aside, Tuesday’s performance was lacking and not nearly as good or approachable as say Jeremy’s or… someone else likely to get kicked out soon.
Girls take the focus again as Baylie Brown, Chelsea Sorrell, Skylar Laine and Shannon Magrane come to the front. I begged for Skylar to stay as she’s all I liked from this group. Unfortunately, the fact that 4 girls are up likely mean that two will get through so I am likely once again off the mark with one of my predictions. Jimmy supports me with Skylar but instead picks Shannon Magrane (my Wild Card choice). While I appreciate he knows what he’s talking about, the fact that he’s dead on is just too fake for me and proving that he’s just reading the leaked results out to us. Also, Shannon, put the the tears away. While we all have issues, bitch you are tall, blond, gorgeous and rich so let’s NOT depend on the “it’s been so hard for me” card at this point. Results: SHANNON MAKES IT; SKYLAR LAINE MAKES IT; CHELSEA SORRELL IS ELIMINATED; BAYLIE BROWN IS ELIMINATED. Or wait, are they?? As Skylar and Shannon heads to the Top 10 seats, Seacrest just pushes Chelsea and Baylie aside without even officially anouncing they don’t make it. Really? You need that much time to advertise Coca Cola that you can’t even declare the losers, Idol?
Pulling up Aaron Marcellus, Creighton Fraker and Reed Grimm I’m starting to LOVE Jimmy as he pulls no punches and declares Reed as a showboat, Aaron as getting too much credit and Creighton as screechy. While I think C F is gonna make it through, I’m so happy someone in charge is finally saying what I’ve been barking for so long, I just wonder if his viewers are gonna call him a whiny, racist bitch again or if that’s just reserved for me haha. I predicted staying, staying and going but am starting to question Aaron’s chances in the light of day. Survey says: AARON IS ELIMINATED; CREIGHTON IS ELIMINATED; REED IS ELIMINATED. WOW again. I am quickly killing my bating average cred with these failed predictions. Also, bit of a shocker that they pull up three losers: way to mix it up Seacrest!
Next is Elise Testone, Erika Van Pelt, Hayley Jonsen and Jen Hirsh. Jimmy continues to thrill me as he declares Jen dead in the water for her attempt at Adele which to him is a no-go zone as it’s so overplayed these days and as he declares Erika has control and music in her blood. YES. That’s EXACTLY right. J Lo wanted her to “push it more” but Jimmy is totally right to say that’s just a lame concept and that keeping it together and managing it is the new way to sing. Jimmy appropriately bashes Hayley and let’s us officially know she was off key the whole song (hahah) and then weirdly accepts Elise though it’s ambivalent a bit (no mention of her doing the EXACT same Adele as Jen though ha). I do get that her performance wasn’t pitch perfect but still, she’s amazing. THEN, Seacrest breaks my heart and reminds me there’s only one more spot left… I WANT THEM BOTH!! I had guessed it to be Elise and Erika to stay, Hayley and Jen to go. But, in the end it’s: HAYLEY IS ELIMINATED; ERIKA IS ELIMINATED (UTTER CRAP); ELISE MAKES IT; JEN IS ELIMINATED. While I’m very happy about Elise, if Erika doesn’t make the Wild Card, imma throw my computer out the window.
Looking at the remaining guys, we pull down: DeAndre Brackensick, Eben Franckewitz, Colton Dixon and Jermaine Jones. The ONLY one I got behind here was Colton and I’m strongly feeling that I’m gonna be right, or maybe that’s just desperation. While Jennifer declares the top choices the right ones so far, I still think Shannon over Erika is a huge error and I think it might be a matter of our lady-lovin-lady being too old to truly connect with those damn voting tweens. SOMEhow Jimmy is a fan of Jermaine, calls DeAndre and Eben out on their too-difficult song choice and rightly backs Colton as a true talent though interestingly says he did too much too soon with the whole Adam Lambert blow out. The results: DEANDRE IS ELIMINATED; COLTON MAKES IT; JERMAINE MAKES IT; EBEN IS ELIMINATED. Seeeeriously? How big is the southern baptist, black gay vote?? Jeez. That he’s through and Erika not just goes to show how stupid it is to pit girls against boys and force it to be a 50/50 result.
Now for the Wild Cards: the panel picks 6 eliminated contestants to sing for their lives and then each judge gets to choose one to make it into the Top 13. So, skipping a boring list, let’s just look at their clips and rate their final chance from there.
I love Colton’s scrunched face as this seemingly not caring karaoke girl wrecks the higher notes of her song’s upper octaves. She’s all over the place and the song comes across as old and boring more than relevant and attractive. Randy lies and says it’s good but you can hear him unsure it’s gonna actually be good enough for her to win and I really hope it isn’t. Jennifer won’t give her any extra credit and k-hole Steven gives his usual: “You’re the best ever” reaction.
Jeremy comes out doing some other song I’ve never heard, but this time actually sings it well as oppose to Jen’s performance. He sticks to his emotional, sweet thing and I think that’s a good decision. I’m always amazed that kids as young as these hold it together with this much on the line, especially after being essentially rejected by America: so, kudos kid. He NAILS his huge sustained note and bails on the final words but it doesn’t matter because as that tear falls down his face you just KNOW he must have made J Lo a believer. I can’t believe this kid won’t get a second chance from this amazing act. Though, leave the lord stuff at home sugar. Judges love him as they should: I think he MOS DEF should be there over Jermaine to say the very least.
Seriously? How much did her mom blow Steven back in 1950 to get a Wild Card spot for this girl. She literally plows Seacrest over (I’m assuming they’ve both been drinking) as she tells us “we don’t understand” how big this is to her. Ugh, just get to your bad singing. Oh great, it’s Adele. Actually, I’m happy for it. This song is WAY above her and she missteps from note one. Her singing coach has clearly been paid by mom not to help but to sit there and tell little Brielle she’s perfect as there is mistake after mistake with this ballad. Though I slightly give credit for the little rock n’ roll approach to the song, you just know there’s no way they’re putting her through with that crap. The judges actually boo her alongside me so I’m vindicated knowing she has no hope. God, her mom was livid: I LOVED it.
DeAndre?! WHAT?!?! Man, the judges are just pandering to the crowd now. Milli Vanilli, as I maintain to call him, does some mix of southern and hair band (god, stop flipping that perm) and sticks to his ridiculous falsetto and I’m praying the judges realize he’s nowhere near appropriate to stand next to some of the real talent on the stage. Once again, he gets some god insane standing ovation for … I have no idea what… and the judges propel him along as well. I’m TERRIFIED that this is Mr. Lythgoe’s doing that he’s making this commercial kid the one to keep in just cause dumb girls with no ears are the one who download on iTunes ugh.
Okay, thank god Erika gets another chance. Interestingly taking on a Gaga hit, she taps her inner man-sound and I’m honestly a little worried for her. This song isn’t exactly a demonstration of range or pitch but rather a fun, visual performance. Her phrasing is just a bit off and though you can tell she’s giving it her best, I don’t know that gay-hatin’ Nigel is gonna let her stay. The judges THANK JEBUS are excited about her act and Randy especially seems impressed by what she’s given us. I really, really hope it’s enough to get her through.
WOW. No Creighton? No Aaron? No Baylie? It’s REED that gets the final chance? I’m shocked yet again as I’m left to wonder just what they see in this kid other than instrumental talent, which is not the way to win this show. Reed starts off by stripping and showing us once again he’s bat shit crazy and clearly skipped a med day. He tries to pull in the crowd but NO ONE has any clue what the fuck he’s singing and it doesn’t look like the judges get it either. I would be PISSED if I was any of the rejected singers who have to sit aside and watch this spaz waste what could have been their final chance to make it through. He’s all over the place, sings noises rather than words and the judges laugh as they say: “We just had to see that again”. Calling him “fun”, you know it was just to laugh at him and he never really had a chance to win.
So, who get’s in?
Wild Card Pics:
Erika Van Pelt (Randy’s pick) *YESS!!
Jeremy Rosado (Jennifer’s pick) *GOOD CHOICE
DeAndre Brackensick (Steven’s pick) *CAN’T WAIT TO MAKE MORE FUN OF HIM
Well, there we have it. Let me know who’s your fave and what you though below!! My parting words about the weirdness of Wild Card choice is this: FAKE FAKE FAKE. The fact that DeAndre got another chance was weird enough, BUT that they pitted him against someone like Reed and Brielle goes to show without a doubt that even though reality shows with audience voting claim to let America chose what happens, that there’s always a way to make their agenda happen. They give certain contestants better spots, more screen time, forced and false promoting judgment from the panel and sometimes like this, set them up for a win no matter how they perform. Hate hate hate this and would love to hear what you have to say about it.