It’s been grueling these past elimination weeks as top picks and sellable acts have been getting the boot time after time as Idol seems to control every aspect of our lives and our votes (well, not mine: I’m canadian, but you get what I’m saying). We’ve been deconstructing judges motivation, exposing panning shots and ridiculous production and styling choices, and most importantly the fine print at the end of each episode that gives us a big middle finger and declares: “We [Nigel Lythgoe and his flying monkey minions] are gonna pick whomever the frig we feel like, so suck it… and keep buying coca cola.” Still, we stay tuned to see the talent. Not to watch the dumb light show in the background or pay ANY attention to the extreme and outrageous claims of “perfect and unparalleled performances” by the judging panel, but to hear that one-off amazing song that keeps us interested and wanting to root for our favourites.
Tonight we get the musical stylings of past runner up Adam Lambert who felt the sting of Idol manipulation and lost to a WGWG (“white guy with guitar”: an expression I learned from you all commenting on my articles, thank you!) who couldn’t sell himself out of a paper bag. Tonight the out and proud man-diva will be performing “Never Close Our Eyes“, on top of which we’ll get the “singing stylings” or Lisa Marie Presley (seriously… why?). Like matching “Songs of the 60s” with “Songs from Today” Idol once again misses the mark and I shake my head in wonder at how this show still survives. You heard me rant that Joshua Ledet just didn’t have it last night despite the rantings of his biggest fan Randy, that Jessica Sanchez is getting back on her game and should win but not exactly with a perfect 10 score and that Phil Phillips though with an amazing night isn’t exactly what I would call America’s IDOL… all in all, this year isn’t knocking me over and I only hope next week we get something stellar or I might have to officially check out. Let’s see who’s going home tonight!
Well, there’s what we have to work with going into this evening: some great high notes and finishes to more than a couple difficult songs, but what the recap cuts out is a good deal of mediocre drivel in the middle. Low notes were missed, pacing and tempo was off and not every mark was hit: honestly, it sounded more like a rehearsal than a final performance to me.. but then again I’m comparing to past contestants like Lambert and Clarkson and Underwood who could seem to do no wrong. Maybe Idol has finally run out of talent? Still, I shouldn’t be so harsh: we have three clearly talented kids looking to prove themselves and get a chance to make it big and no matter who wins the top spot, we know they’ll all be getting contracts and an opportunity to show themselves off come the end of this whole thing.
The kids start off with a group performance of “Got to Get You Into My Life” by the Beatles (Video to come as soon as I can find it), and again I roll my eyes. Not only does Lythgoe continue to shove 4 decade old music down our throats, but he can’t even pick the best ones from that era. YES the Beatles are beyond reproach but honestly, the average viewer of this show is born in the 90s… the LATE 90s or even the 2000s (Hell, I don’t even know what to call them: millenium babies?). Quit it with the old stuff idol and make this show relevant. They sound FINE I suppose but we all know how I feel about group performances and miss-matched sounds. Jessica does it best I feel as the boys often clash in their range. Overall: fail.
Results! Or are they? Josh is first up and nearly immediately sent back to the stools as we see this is going to be one of those idiotic nights of Seacrest tempting us with hints of winners and losers until the VERY last possible second to actually declare anything to make sure Ford can sell us as many trucks as possible this hour. I’ve skipped discussing the car commercial which was dumb, then some “Ice Age” promo with Lopez that was clumsy and boring and some random singer named Ester Dean who sings some boring Ice Age thing none of us could care less about. Holy crap, now it’s (you’ve got to be kidding me) Lisa Marie Presley singing “You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet” and once again I’m not wasting ANY of our time discussing it. She’s possibly THE least relevant person we’ve had on stage this entire season and it perfectly encapsulates how out of touch this show and its producers are as THIS is what they offer us for a second to last elimination show (I’ll put up a video if anyone even bothers to post it).
BAM! Jessica is called centre stage… and once again, nothing happens. You just KNOW this is how Seacrest has sex: an hour of edging and a lame finish we don’t even care about by the time we get to it. Donna Summer who recently passed is given about 18 seconds of recognition as we get back to the live shows.
Next up is Adam Lambert- whom I actually would like to meet one day to see if he’s as nuts as the tabloids make him and his insane boyfriend/fiancee/husband(?) out to be- who performs “Never Close Our Eyes“. Oh lord, the scary robot eyeball is back that tried to eat Jessica during her performances last night and haunts this entire song. Lambert as per is 100% energy and angry gay rock and I love it: the song isn’t exactly my cup of tea but that he is unique and his own style makes me smile. His blacklight, neon yellow and too-tall hair and prostitute verging amount of makeup never exactly “gets me going” but this kid performs like a mofo every time he’s on stage and kudos to him. This one is wroth the view and definitely shows up a lot of the dated crap we’ve had this year.
Okay folks, this is it… the moment you’ve all been waiting for: the FINAL TWO! Pulling up Phil Phils and then the other two waiting patiently nearby we find out: Jessica Sanchez IS IN THE FINALE!! Who will be singing next to her: none other than Phil Phillips IS ALSO IN THE FINALE!!!
Joshua Ledet is finally out and I’m not sure if I’m shocked or knew it all along. This entire year it’s been almost impossible to guess who would make it out of these seemingly untouchable boys. I’m happy as hell there’s a girl in this year’s final and hope honestly that she takes it but she’ll have her work cut out for her as Phil will likely pull out all the stops next Wednesday. Josh put up one HELLUVA fight and had the backing of every single judge and I’m honestly a little surprised. I’m secretly agreeing with this decision as he’s not who I see making millions once this is over (prove me wrong Josh!), but I know that many a viewer out there is disappointed as hell. Singing “It’s a Man’s, Man’s, Man’s World” he exists as gracefully as possible and we say bye bye as we look forward to some big songs and sexy singers going into next week’s finale. What did you guys think?!