I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. The moment I wrote in yesterday’s Idol recap that this season was amazing and that the talent was phenomenal, I knew I jinxed myself. This episode was the epitome of what I hate during the audition portion of the season. It was filled with losers who couldn’t sing and simply there, trying to capture their 15 minutes of fame.
Personally, I don’t even know why the producers go to LA. The city never produces any memorable performances. Instead, it’s just a bunch of fame-seeking failed entertainers trying to grab a little attention. Idol is lucky they placed this episode near the tail end of the process, otherwise I would’ve given up on this Season the minute I saw this. Thankfully, after San Francisco’s stop, it’s onto Hollywood Week, which is my favorite portion of the show.
Nigel Lythgoe is the king of giving contestants he likes a leg up in the competition and last night he was in major pimping mode. Before the episode even started, the show began with a montage of the “best talent” we’ve seen so far. Brett Loewenstern, Lauren Alaina, Casey Abrams, Jackie Wilson, Robbie Rosen, Jacee Badeaux, Chris Medina, Thia Megia, Scott McCreery and a few more received a little bit of airtime reminding America that this was good and what we were about to see in the next hour was supremely BAD. Was the LA episode just a big joke on us, so that Idol could promote their “chosen ones” a little before Hollywood Week? I smell a conspiracy.
Hometown: New York, NY (MySpace)
Audition Song: You Give Good Love by Whitney Houston
By and far the best singer of the night. It’s kinda funny, the she was a MySpace audition submission and not really from LA. Is LA truly that useless? Having said that, was she good because she was truly talented or did she impress only because of the awful contestants that surrounded her audition? I like to think this girl has some serious pipes. In this day and age, when most of the girls are singing Miley, Duffy & Katy, it’s nice to hear someone belt out a classic Whitney track. Oh, how I miss the good ol days (Idol Seasons 1-4). Keep an eye on this one. She’s pretty, talented and Latina. Idol still hasn’t found an Hispanic winner… yet. Click here to watch the audition.
Hometown: Fort Worth, TX
Audition Song: She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5
In a sea of mediocrity, Tim impressed the panel and probably most of America. The lower register was a little spotty, but his falsetto was delicious. Since when did Maroon 5 become the drug of choice for white guys with a bit of soul and could carry a tune? Got through via a 2-1 vote courtesy of Jennifer Lopez whou couldn’t say “no” because Halperin crushed on her growing up. Next time though Tim, never ask a lady how old she is. That’s a big ‘ol NO NO. He’s lucky Lopez didn’t go all Diva on his ass. Click here to watch the audition.
Hometown: Agoura Hills, CA
Audition Song: Superwoman by Alicia Keys
Once again, both Randy and Steven were thinking with their southern heads and not their northern ones. Their little peckers were mesmerized by Heidi’s intoxicating belly dancing moves. Girlfriend had no business getting through. She won’t last past Day 1 of Hollywood week. Click here to watch the audition.
Age: 28 & 27
Hometown: Redlands, CA
Audition Song: Lean On Me by Bill Withers
Was it me or did you want to knock these brothers out? They were too obnoxious and egotistical for their own good. And worse, they weren’t even that talented? The younger one was especially grating. Soooooo didn’t deserve to get through. Click here to watch the audition.
Considering the episode was fill back to front with untalented people, not one of the awful auditions were funny or memorable. Moving forward, can we agree never to show anyone who’s clearly over the maximum age to audition again. Seriously, that schtick is tired and it’s time to bury that gimmick. I nominate the entire episode as one big pile of poo.
Most tugging sob story? Easy… ME. I had to sit down for an hour and watch this parade of nonsense. An hour that I will never get back. To boot, I then had to go write about how awful it was. If that doesn’t bring a tear to your eye, you are made of stone. I’m going to have to start my own foundation for people who’ve lost precious time due to crappy television.