What happens when you grow up in Minneapolis, go to Northwestern University, hate it, and decide to leave to move to California? You get a road trip through all 48 contiguous United States in an old beat up ’93 Volkswagen and a less beat up Ford Taurus with enough content to write a book, which is exactly what Paul P. Jury did.
Author of the title “States of Confusion”, Paul tells the tale of his journey through America, the people he met and some of the stereotypes that well, tend to be a little more true then we realize. A few days ago, he uploaded a video of him describing the stereotypes of the 50 states in 2 minutes with one sentence blurbs about each one. Quite hilarious if you ask me.
Paul is known for comedy writing on the net. He’s blogged for the Huffington Post and Cracked along with some of his own sites. Paul has also made viral videos for popular early millennium site Break.com with fellow comedy writer Sam Greenspan. In his spare time, Paul runs PJ Test Prep and SAT/ACT/College Essay prep classes. He’s also written children books and a children’s musical. Busy guy.
If you missed a few of them, not to worry… I have the full description below for you:
ALABAMA – Our state bird is the NASCAR.
ALASKA – I can see seasonal depression disorder from here.
ARIZONA – Keeping Indians in and Mexicans out.
ARKANSAS – Great scenery, brilliant peopl- Sorry. We’ve got Walmart?
CALIFORNIA – Gay Mexican boobjob computer hippies who really wanna direct.
COLORADO – Snow! Cocaine, I mean, but we’re also known for skiing.
CONNECTICUT – Great schools, because there’s nothing else to do.
DELAWARE – Come, we’ve got low incorporation fees. No seriously, please come.
FLORIDA – The further north you go, the further south it gets.
GEORGIA – Atlanta! We’re kind of ashamed of the rest of it, though.
HAWAII – If you lived here you’d be lazy too.
IDAHO – Potatoes and Napoleon Dynamite, god we’re cool.
ILLINOIS – Look, a non-corrupt politician for once. So far.
INDIANA – You have to drive through us to get somewhere better.
IOWA – 56,000 square miles of dull.
KANSAS – White-breds making wheat bread.
KENTUCKY – Farming from the future, textbooks from 1925.
LOUISIANA – Thanks BP, as if we didn’t have enough problems.
MAINE – A wicked lot a’ moose, eh?
MARYLAND – Have Jeeves bring the lobster boat around.
MASSACHUSETTS – Our chief export is obnoxious Pats Fans.
MICHIGAN – Cereal makers, serial killers.
MINNESOTA – Too nice not to elect douchy governors.
MISSISSIPPI – I’m gonna need a bigger Bible belt.
MISSOURI – We’re #1! In meth.
MONTANA – Speed limits don’t matter when you’re drunk.
NEBRASKA – Footballs, drawls and overalls.
NEVADA – No laws, no problem! Except all the murders.
NEW HAMPSHIRE – Half hippie, half French, all upper class.
NEW JERSEY – Guidos, Turnpikes, Leeching off New York and Philly.
NEW MEXICO – Like regular Mexico, but with more UFOs.
NEW YORK – World’s 14th biggest city, 1st biggest ego.
NORTH CAROLINA – First in flight and lung cancer.
NORTH DAKOTA – Somehow even worse than South Dakota.
OHIO – People care about us at election time!
OKLAHOMA – Ten days tornado free!
OREGON – Dreadlocks on white people.
PENNSYLVANIA – Even our Amish will fight you.
RHODE ISLAND – No seriously, we’re a state.
SOUTH CAROLINA – Still accepting confederate dollars.
SOUTH DAKOTA – At least we’re not North Dakota.
TENNESSEE – Where White Music comes from.
TEXAS – Everything is bigger, even our morons.
UTAH – Multiple homely wives.
VERMONT – Gay marriages on maple syrup farms.
VIRGINIA – From center of civilization to Hicksville in 20 minutes flat.
WASHINGTON – Richer hippies than Oregon.
WEST VIRGINIA –The inbred love child of Virgina and DC.
WISCONSIN – It’s too cold to be sober.
WYOMING – We don’t have any gay cowboys, alright? OK, maybe a few gay cowboys.
What do you think of Paul Jury’s state stereotypes? Bang on or far fetched?